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Author Topic: The "I love you" death knell from an otherwise lovely, and great fun client.  (Read 16441 times)

Jezabel

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Today I saw a reg who last time I saw him said the L word, how he wanted to take me out etc, which I parried.

So was slightly worried about seeing him again today. After around 10 minutes he asked 'do all your clients fall in love with you'. Again I parried saying 'no one does'.

In the truest sense of the word I meant that, in that these guys are simply falling in lust with a sexy image you present.

I was rather more brisk than normal in the hope the message would get thro. I also happen to think its really unfair of clients to do this. The vast majority know full well that this is not part of the deal.

Emmeline

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Hey girlies -

So, I've literally read all of the posts on this thread - cause it's been so interesting! And, frankly, amusing in SO many ways! NiaHope, Hadley, Ana30 and Lois01827 - you guys cracked me UP!! Hahaha  :D

Background - I've just started working as an escort. And I feel I've clued myself up pretty well, through this site and others. But, of course, we all meet different kinds of clients with different needs, so I'm not quite sure yet what's "normal"... And I have a client who I'm sure will book me again. But he's told me he "likes" me - yet, I have a feeling it's heading into a more serious direction (from his side, obviously). Thing is, I really DID enjoy my time with him, and he's had many good reviews on AW, so he is not inexperienced with escorts and he really didn't come across as needy. So not really sure how to handle it?

HappyWhore made a point that resonated with me - I do want to make my clients feel special (as part of the sales gimmick), but how far do you take it? You made 2 good points, HappyWhore, I'm interested to know what your 3rd option is? (1: I've met someone, so can't get too close; 2: Check out Protection from Harassment Act).

Katrina, I liked your advice too! Specifically, using the phrase "'I'm quite fond of you too, but lets just enjoy our time together and not spoil things'. That's not being dishonest but not leading him on either :-)" Does that work well??  ;D

At the end of the day, we are just doing a job (which I told him), and the persona is tailored to suit the client for a specific reason (i.e. to get work again!) And I really enjoy the acting bits, as well as the authentic bits...

Katrina, how often do clients ask you if they could be your "baby/lover/rock"?! Is this something I'll have to get used to...?

Finally (and I apologise for the long post, really wanted to say so much to all of you!), I only date women (i.e. get romantically involved with women) in my civvie life - could this be a line I could use with male clients? Or would that only put me further into the fire...?  :FF
I mean, I have civvie male friends that I can just be myself with if I'm looking for more of an authentic connection - does anyone else have the same?

Emme x

P.S. Loved the rants, ladies! I've never seen so many head-banging-wall posts in one thread! Hahahaha. :D

P.P.S. Nova, do you get booked for overnights without any sex??!!
Love is everywhere, and comes in many forms - love yourself, but don't forget the beauty of loving others too.

The_Lynx

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Finally (and I apologise for the long post, really wanted to say so much to all of you!), I only date women (i.e. get romantically involved with women) in my civvie life - could this be a line I could use with male clients? Or would that only put me further into the fire...?  :FF

Wouldn't recommend that - while not all clients harbor the impression that you are genuinely into them, learning that you aren't even in the right sexual orientation to 'appreciate' them would probably put a lot of people off.

Nova

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 I have a client who I'm sure will book me again. But he's told me he "likes" me - yet, I have a feeling it's heading into a more serious direction (from his side, obviously). Thing is, I really DID enjoy my time with him, and he's had many good reviews on AW, so he is not inexperienced with escorts and he really didn't come across as needy. So not really sure how to handle it?


Your client said he likes you but didn't come across as needy and you enjoyed working with him. Sounds pretty ideal to me! What is there that you need to handle?

Nova

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P.P.S. Nova, do you get booked for overnights without any sex??!!

No of course not! The client I referred to always wants sex. He just likes to imagine that I want sex with him as much as he wants sex with me. He doesn't like to think that I might be having sex with him and not enjoying it. I don't think he understands the nature of the relationship we have.

Emmeline

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Hahahaha! Thanks, Lynx, I hadn't even considered that!  ;)

As for the client, Nova... Well, I like to be prepared. :) That's the kind of person I am (a little OTT to be honest!). lol. And although I haven't heard the "I love you" thing yet from him, or any other client, I'm gonna trust my gut feeling when it tells me I might hear it soon...

So, I guess I'm trying to find out 2 things: 1) What's the best way to manage/treat a client who you think is falling in love with you (I mean, are there good techniques/phrases to use to try and prevent it)? And 2) What is the best thing to do after a client HAS actually told you he loves you?

I think the posts on this thread have been brilliant in terms of discussing ways to deal with clients AFTER they fall in love with you, but what can you do to prevent it....?
Love is everywhere, and comes in many forms - love yourself, but don't forget the beauty of loving others too.

Jezabel

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For me personally I learnt to look out for red flags. These can come in many forms: for example being clingy, needy, being OTT. Needing constant reassurance, constantly complimenting you. Trying to cross any kind of boundary.
That's just a few but basically I listen out for them and try and head head them off before they reach the point of saying I love you.

Then depending on the situation and the person I try a few different ways:  using humor, ignoring them - and or diverting them and changing the subject.

Above all I never taken seriously! If I feel the need I will just be honest with them and just say I do not mix my personal life and my business life.

Also you must remember that for some of these guys it's a way in the end of getting freebies.

Emmeline

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Thanks for that, Jez! I'm sure I'll learn soon enough what works best to head them off. And as the other girls said, there's no way you can take them seriously, because they never get to truly know us or our lives - so they just fall for the fantasy.

And yeah, I'm sure freebies are one of the main reasons they say it in the first place!
Love is everywhere, and comes in many forms - love yourself, but don't forget the beauty of loving others too.

Alice G

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For me personally I learnt to look out for red flags. These can come in many forms: for example being clingy, needy, being OTT. Needing constant reassurance, constantly complimenting you. Trying to cross any kind of boundary.
That's just a few but basically I listen out for them and try and head head them off before they reach the point of saying I love you.

Then depending on the situation and the person I try a few different ways:  using humor, ignoring them - and or diverting them and changing the subject.

Above all I never taken seriously! If I feel the need I will just be honest with them and just say I do not mix my personal life and my business life.

Also you must remember that for some of these guys it's a way in the end of getting freebies.


I have had a few of these over the years and sometimes it borders on obsession. I find it not just uncomfortable but frightening.
They have a big void in their lives and think you can fill it. Being nice to them and being intimate with them, they stupidly think that "she must be in love with me" They forget it is a commercial transaction at the end of the day.
Definitely agree with clingy, needy, being OTT, needing constant reassurance and compliments. I feel these guys definitely all have low self esteem and have nothing much else in their lives.
The only solution, is just basically to ignore ALL communication and they will eventually go away.
This job is sometimes not that simple. There are always red flags for this and they just get worse if you don't put a stop to it.

katrina

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Katrina, how often do clients ask you if they could be your "baby/lover/rock"?! Is this something I'll have to get used to...?




Thankfully not very often nowadays as I'm a lot more aware and realise what they're up to quicker than when I first started :-) I think when they become too regular (every week or something like that, or even several times a week) that's when it can become a problem. I had one young guy visiting me very regular, started trying to 'pry' into my private life, asking me to 'get rid of' my (then) boyfriend and have him instead!!!  calling/texting me several times a day, he once rung me 12 times on a Sunday (I never answered) Then I did answer and told him that its best we don't see each other again as hes becoming obsessed, he tantrummed, cried, sent threatening texts and voicemails in the middle of the night. When I arranged to see him one last time to explain the situation he was all sorry, unfortunately I think he had some sort of ADHD but wasn't my problem. He eventually got the message and left me alone, got himself a girlfriend so all ended well. Another one (too long a story)  became emotionally involved after he happened to be with me when I received some very bad news about a very close relative. He became obsessed with being my 'rock' and tried his hardest to get me to 'open up' to him...I began to hate him as I felt he was like a leach sucking on an open wound. It ended in tears (his) So after these type of 'episodes' I decided to be a lot more closed with clients.


 The moral of the story really is to never reveal too much to clients, keep them at arms length and make it clear that although its possible to be 'fond of' them, keep a professional distance always.  :-)
« Last Edit: 30 January 2016, 12:54:17 pm by katrina »

Shewolf

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I see a guy who said he knows 'you are not an escort in a conventional sense' and wishes I could be his.

Heaven alone knows what he means by the 'conventional' bollocks and I think I need to nip this in the bud.

Aqua Allegoria

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Hmmm I had a few "I love you"

They were mostly the "sex" I love you's

A man will say/do anything when you're giving him a decent oral or decent sex. Each time I had that I love you I just replied jokingly "darling right now you would even marry me". It tends to wake them up immediately:)

Which leads me to this. I saw an awesome adorable great regular yesterday and while I was there employing myself to give him best oral ever I heard "fuck, let's get married!"  To which I replied "darling, you ARE married" We spent half the booking joking about the sex marriage thing:)) And I will gladly see him again, he's too much fun to refuse.

I really think that most men will just say anything during sex or to get sex and I had the same happen in my personal life. This whole "I love you" thing does not always mean to them what it means to us maybe. 
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go EVERYWHERE.

Aqua Allegoria

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It'll be rather interesting over the Christmas period as to how much some lonely guys may try and push the feelings/attachment thing..... Loneliest time of the year for some; however, 'Good will to all men' does not translate to 'Extended willy suck for lonely men'  ::)

This is quite true. Escort or just a single woman the month of December brings out all those jerks who suddenly want a girlfriend (translate: someone to cling on to during the Christmas period).

And I find this much more dangerous in our line of work. I almost fell for it this year lol. A hot smart young guy booked me in November. Then emailed in December to ask me out, he lives (or maybe not) 5 min walk from mine so I said ok coffee why not.

So we met and he started this whole charm strategy and this was much more manipulative than a client who would just say "I love you". Because this was about him listening to me, showing interest, sending lovely cute text. I told him if he wants free sex no bloody way and of course "he had no problem with it he would wait until we get to know each other and I trust him".
We had 2 dates going for walks, holding hands and kissing, him showing me the stars. Literally:))))

Thank god I have my flatmate who's much more down to earth because I fell for his act and a couple of weeks later I was literally calling him my boyfriend. Immediately he wanted to "come over". My flatmate said no f*** way after all I don't know the guy and this is getting out of control.

I told him we must wait a bit longer like he said.
And this was when he disappeared.

I find this strategy much more disgusting and manipulative and perverse. If a client says "I love you" I don't think you must say it back and some clients can remain clients. But like I'm describing here there are those who will try to play mind games and manipulate our emotions just so that they can get laid for free and that's just abuse.

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go EVERYWHERE.