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Author Topic: Partner issues  (Read 2147 times)

Curvesandlipstick

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Partner issues
« on: 12 April 2022, 07:58:16 pm »
Hi ladies I hope ur all good?

 I am writing here because I just dont know where to write or at this moment in time what to write! I am not a SW anymore, but I do the more online thing, sex is always abit of a 'thing'  :FF

my other half and I went to bed last night and at some point during the evening I ended up giving him a blowjob, he didn't touch me, but afterword's I was like 'my turn' and he was like no babe maybe tomorrow, its about 14 hours later and we haven't spoken at all because he has been in bed 'depressed' I don't know who to talk to about it because I honestly don't know if its my sex work head that had reared its head because I keep feeling used and like all I am good for is gratifying guys, I dont know how elce to explain whats simply in my head :-(

Miffy

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #1 on: 12 April 2022, 08:21:51 pm »
How you feel is entirely up to you, and only you can change this. You are projecting your own feelings of self-worth, or rather your lack of it, onto this situation and also your partner. Unless he coerced you into giving him head, you did so of your own free will. Outside of sex work, sexual acts should not be performed in order to receive something back, so maybe you need to remind yourself of this. However, if this scenario is happening a lot, you need to talk to your partner because at the very least, he is being supremely selfish.

If your partner is depressed, he needs to seek help. His depression is not your responsibility. If he is sulking depressed in bed all day and you are having to top-toe around him, this is no way to live, for either of you.

Escortx

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #2 on: 12 April 2022, 10:00:28 pm »
Selfish. If you’re always giving and not receiving what’s the point.

saltysweet

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #3 on: 12 April 2022, 11:19:43 pm »
My personal opinion. You are being used. It's not the sex work that's skewed your reasoning.

He wasn't too depressed to enjoy a nice BJ was he?

Doesn't bode well.
« Last Edit: 13 April 2022, 08:13:35 pm by saltysweet »

MissElvira

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #4 on: 13 April 2022, 09:24:18 am »
I think you need to talk to your partner, Good sex and a good relationship is when your open and discuss stuff with each other. Approach your partner and ask him why he didn't return oral or ask him if there's something wrong with him, Does he feel low. If he is depressed or if he is sulking then there's a reason and if you ask him then he can either communicate to you, or he can continue to stay silent.

It's hard with such little insight into your relationship or partner, I would warn that some guys and Especially narcissists will use the sulking tactic/Silent treatment and withholding of emotional and physical intimacy to control or make a partner feel at fault. If your partner does not respond well to you trying to discuss how things make you feel and if he gets angry with you wanting to talk then that could be a red flag.

Lady Frog

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #5 on: 13 April 2022, 01:07:43 pm »
You are projecting your own feelings of self-worth, or rather your lack of it, onto this situation and also your partner. Unless he coerced you into giving him head, you did so of your own free will. Outside of sex work, sexual acts should not be performed in order to receive something back, so maybe you need to remind yourself of this.

I'm sorry but this is absolute bollocks. If you are upset or offended because someone is treating you like shit, this is not because you are "projecting your own lack of self worth"; you are offended because their behaviour is fucking offensive! We all (sex workers or no) deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation by our partners, and our priorities and needs in a relationship should be equal to theirs.

I also disagree about sex not being a transaction outside of sex work, although that is highly subjective, many will disagree. I think every sexual exchange is a transaction, but money is not always part of the exchange.
You may have negotiable and non-negotiable desires from your partner, including love, affection, sex, romance, excitement, money, guidance, emotional support, co-parenting, shared housework, and so on. Your partner will also have their desires from you. Both partners may not have the same needs, but it is important that both feel theirs are usually/consistently met by the other.

In the short term, we all have distractions that could stop us giving our partner the attention they want - such as busy periods at work, and mental or physical health challenges. But if we continue to feel neglected long term, and our partner refuses to acknowledge, discuss, and address the situation, that creates a very unhealthy relationship that can sometimes become emotional abuse.
A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

Miffy

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #6 on: 13 April 2022, 01:25:47 pm »
Lady Frog,

Just because you disagree with my words, it does not mean it is bollocks. You have grossly misconstrued what I have written. The OP’s feelings are in part absolutely tied with her experience of sex work and her feelings about it, and also because her partner is selfish in bed. However, the OP has not stated if this is an isolated incident or if their sex life is always so one-sided. This information would give a far rounder picture. Additionally, I think the OP is conflating two separate issues - her own feelings about sex work and how others perceive/value her, and her partner’s selfishness in bed and depression.

FWIW, I do agree with much of what you have stated.

amy

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #7 on: 13 April 2022, 02:00:56 pm »
selfish in bed. However, the OP has not stated if this is an isolated incident or if their sex life is always so one-sided. This information would give a far rounder picture.

It maybe would, but discussing people's relationships without any direct sex work context is not a matter for this board. Keep it relevant folks, please :).

PinkestChick

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #8 on: 13 April 2022, 04:22:07 pm »
I've been doing this now for 2 years and I'm in a very new relationship so I'm aware that it's very honeymoon territory, this is also my first relationship while doing sex work - a bit of background before I throw my 2 cents in.

I think it's really really easy to connect sex work to your personal life. At the end of the day you're the same person and we don't have off switches or memory erasers as much as we'd love them sometimes. Based on the information you've given it's probably a little bit of both. You feel used because of your sw history but also maybe he just didn't think about it like that? Maybe talk to him about it and about how it makes you feel. Maybe be mindful that there is that sw part of your brain and try to be mindful of it moving forward.

But also I feel like sw or not most women (people) would feel similar if this is a reoccurring pattern. My final thought is that it's easy to connect these spontaneous acts to a value because of work but your feelings are valid here

Kay

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #9 on: 13 April 2022, 04:30:00 pm »
It may just be that a man is a dickhead – nothing to do with whether you are or have been a sex worker. It's impossible to say unless you know someone very well.

But unless he has a diagnosis of clinical depression I would kick his arse to the kerb.
"There is no sin except stupidity" - Oscar Wilde

Kiss

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Re: Partner issues
« Reply #10 on: 18 April 2022, 11:47:41 am »
Even though depression can put people off sex he certainly didn't turn a blow job down just couldn't be bothered doing what you wanted.
Do take some time out to yourself for you maybe a day away if you can .
Of course sex work may play on your mind and wanting to please your partner whether you worked before or not is normal.
He needs to look at what is causing him depression