SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: mysteriousGirl on 29 August 2015, 10:49:30 am
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I've got this client who a seems quite "into me", I posted about him a while back as he was wanting overnight bookings, anyway he came back after our misunderstanding and is now back on top form with the texting lol.
Whenever we have a meeting he will text literally every day or at best every other day saying he can't wait to see me, he's excited etc. I wouldn't mind so much but the texts are always identical to each other and it makes me feel like I'm repeating myself :P He never has anything to say other than "hi Chloe how are you, really looking forward to seeing you" then he'll confirm the time that we've already confirmed between us 20x before.
I'm seeing him tomorrow and I've had two messages already since getting up. It's a bit much and a little annoying. How would one get him to stop the texts without upsetting the poor soul or losing his bookings ;D
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If he sends 20 texts how many do you reply to?
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I'd guesstimate that I reply to one in every 3, purely because I don't want to come across as rude but it's getting annoying now
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How strange to repeat the same message like that! It would drive me nuts too. No idea how to stop it though, other than ask him politely to text less often!
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He is excessive isn't he?
you could just reply once to the confirmation of time date and booking and ignore the other messages, if he says anything just say you had confirmed already.
I had a client text and call relentlessly last week I just replied once and ignored all the other messages.
he still turned up and didn't mention anything.
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Could you be rewarding him?
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Odd isnt it.
I think I might be rewarding him like you said cheeseypeas, I shouldn't be ensprsing so many texts so it's gonna stop from my side.
I think a part of me worried if I didn't play along I would lose his business. But if that happens so be it. It's not business like to text so much anyway. His behaviour is more comparable to a clingy boyfriend.
Oh great and another one has just come through. Apparently he has butterflies and can't wait to see me. Brilliant lol. It's really tricky when they're so "soft".
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When people are obsessive and needy...they
don't tend to magically change overnight.
Be prepared for other new interesting demands I guess.
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Odd isnt it.
I think I might be rewarding him like you said cheeseypeas, I shouldn't be ensprsing so many texts so it's gonna stop from my side.
I think a part of me worried if I didn't play along I would lose his business. But if that happens so be it. It's not business like to text so much anyway. His behaviour is more comparable to a clingy boyfriend.
Oh great and another one has just come through. Apparently he has butterflies and can't wait to see me. Brilliant lol. It's really tricky when they're so "soft".
The problem by enabling it, is that he's only going to get worse. Reply only once to confirm the booking and ignore. Even if you lose his business it won't be worth the money if you keep enabling him.
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Just tell him to back off! Remind him of your boundaries and that texting to chat is also your time and should be paid for. Whenever a client tries to text or call without it being in reference to a booking, I just tell them that.
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I agree with Lucie, remind him texting clients is not part of the deal, I do it myself now and again, but only with ones who know the
boundaries and will leave me alone when I say I have to go now (hint hint ;)), this guy sounds obsessive, you'll need to tell him..
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Thanks ladies I'm going to have to say something.
He text me this morning waking me up after 4 hours of broken sleep. He nearly got a telling off.
I'm going to ignore the next few and if he carries on whilst I'm not replying I'm going to set out some very clear boundaries consisting of..
I don't mind the odd text after an appointment saying he had a good time. That's fine. But not to keep texting me for general chit chat because my family don't know what I do and they keep making jokes about my phone going off all of the time and I don't want them to become suspicious. That isn't the case, but I think that should work.
I've actually got a boyfriend who lives with me who won't be too impressed if he thinks I'm getting close to a client. The last thing I want is for him to misinterpret this guys constant chatter for something I'm actually happy about.
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I've actually got a boyfriend who lives with me who won't be too impressed if he thinks I'm getting close to a client. The last thing I want is for him to misinterpret this guys constant chatter for something I'm actually happy about.
Tell him this. It'll do the trick quite nicely.
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I usually say something to the effect of "I'll text you on the day to confirm. Texting as much as this is quite unorthodox. Hope you understand." - If it's during term-time I'll also throw something in about being a student and not having the time (which is actually true) so if that's not relevant to you you can replace it with the boyfriend suggestion.
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Odd isnt it.
I think I might be rewarding him like you said cheeseypeas, I shouldn't be ensprsing so many texts so it's gonna stop from my side.
I think a part of me worried if I didn't play along I would lose his business. But if that happens so be it. It's not business like to text so much anyway. His behaviour is more comparable to a clingy boyfriend.
Oh great and another one has just come through. Apparently he has butterflies and can't wait to see me. Brilliant lol. It's really tricky when they're so "soft".
Butterflies hahaha!!!! Sorry but it's just soooo funny!
When I have this happen I'll text once, twice, thrice. Then ignore ignore ignore and then just text before the booking saying something like "sorry I'm busy" or "I don't have much time, see you ..." I make it very clear I have a life.
But I had it happen very few times so can't tell much...
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Turn your phone off at night.
I used to be a silent-phoner, but found myself peeking and wondered why I wasn't sleeping well. Then I turned it off, much better.
Problem with frequent texts is that if one day (or three) you can't reply, he could get very worried or go off at the deep end.
I'd be telling him that you can't manage all the texts, it makes you feel pressured(or words to that effect).
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Oh god! I cannot STAND needy clients like this! I just want to confirm the morning of. I hate guys that need a text/phone chat before they book. It puts me right off and I dread the booking because I feel like they're going to be hard work.
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Oh god! I cannot STAND needy clients like this! I just want to confirm the morning of. I hate guys that need a text/phone chat before they book. It puts me right off and I dread the booking because I feel like they're going to be hard work.
^^^^^ LIKE
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I simply say "so sorry but putting this phone in for repair and will be using a very old fashioned phone that doesn't have text facility but on the day you are coming I will have my proper phone back. Xxx"
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Hey ladies,
So I stopped replying. I haven't said anything just yet but I'm
About to momentarily. I decided to try the "ignore and hope he takes the hint" approach first but it hasn't worked and I'm still getting the lovey dovey texts. I'm waking up to them on a morning and it's like, urgh not again. I feel a degree of sympathy towards him, I know I shouldn't but I'm only human right.
The reason I didn't pipe up sooner about him needing to stop with the texting is because I was worried about hurting his feelings. He seems like a really sensitive person.
I think he has definitely misinterpreted the business transaction for something more. He's been visiting me for over a year and he's spent a hell of a lot of money in doing so, and although in mine and your eyes that doesn't equate a relationship, I think in his eyes it does. I've spoken to my boyfriend about it and he is of the same opinion. He thinks that fantasising about it being some kind of relationship is his way of dealing with the fact he's forked out so much money to see me. Makes sense I guess.
So I'm texting him now, in response to one of his messages today so it's not going to come as out of the blue. He always books weeks, sometimes a month in advance which is a little frustrating because he spends the whole time before we meet texting me. I've drafted what seems like a thoughtful reply and I've put this;
"Hi. I regards to our booking later this month I can definitely fit you in, but I think it's only fair to you to point out that the constant texting is making me feel uncomfortable because it's not the standard procedure in the circumstances in which we meet. I think you're a charming man and I enjoy our meetings but worry that you may be misinterpreting our relationship as something more than it is. I have a boyfriend at home which I haven't mentioned before as I like to keep my work and private life seperate but feel that now is an appropriate time to let you know. I don't think it's fair on him nor yourself to be in constant contact because I don't want either of you thinking the situation is something more than it is. I hope you don't feel embarrassed or upset by this as I had your best interests at heart when writing my response. If you'd still like to see me later on in the month then please do text me on the morning to confirm."
Does this sound okay? I hope so. I'm about to send it and I'm doing it through gritted teeth because a 4 hour appointment would be very helpful with my upcoming bills this month. Fingers crossed he doesn't cancel! X
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It does sound ok. But in my experience, once they are emotionally attached you cannot step backwards. Even if he claims to have. In my case I had to cut the client off completely... as much as I didn't want to. So just be aware as you go forward, it will likely start up again if he continues seeing you.
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Sounds good and to the point to me, but as Mids said, people rarely can just "unfeel" things. No different than "let's just be friends" after a break-up for many people.
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Yes, I think that's a nice thoughtful message. If he doesn't get the hint, or gets the hump, it's probably time to cut the cord completely.
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I like the text but I don't think he will turn up after that. Can't you just say you won't have access to the phone then block him then unblock him the day before?
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I like the text but I don't think he will turn up after that. Can't you just say you won't have access to the phone then block him then unblock him the day before?
In my opinion it's better not to let things like this continue. You have to tell the guy outright.
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Just a quick update.
I sent that message I posted in here and he responded saying he understands and he still wants to see me. I didn't reply to that as I felt all that needed to be said has been. Guess what? He's still texting.
I mentioned to him the other day that I wasn't feeling great (before I outright told him to stop texting in the hope he would take the hint) and even though I put him straight he's been texting me every day ever since I sent it.
"How are you today my darling hope you're on the mend"
"Hello my darling are you feeling any better today" yada yada yada.
I'm really pissed because I'm waking up and these are the first things I'm seeing. I've been that irritated it's rubbed off on my boyfriend which I feel bad about. The poor guy has had the short thrift every morning for the past three or four days all because of some knob head client putting me in stress. Bare in mind I've not replied to any of these since I sent the message saying it should stop. It's really made me feel like I can't "switch off".
I guess it's time to block him. But I'll really miss that big chunk of cash every month. Sigh, why do these men have to ruin what was a perfectly good business arrangement.
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Just a quick update.
I sent that message I posted in here and he responded saying he understands and he still wants to see me. I didn't reply to that as I felt all that needed to be said has been. Guess what? He's still texting.
I mentioned to him the other day that I wasn't feeling great (before I outright told him to stop texting in the hope he would take the hint) and even though I put him straight he's been texting me every day ever since I sent it.
"How are you today my darling hope you're on the mend"
"Hello my darling are you feeling any better today" yada yada yada.
I'm really pissed because I'm waking up and these are the first things I'm seeing. I've been that irritated it's rubbed off on my boyfriend which I feel bad about. The poor guy has had the short thrift every morning for the past three or four days all because of some knob head client putting me in stress. Bare in mind I've not replied to any of these since I sent the message saying it should stop. It's really made me feel like I can't "switch off".
I guess it's time to block him. But I'll really miss that big chunk of cash every month. Sigh, why do these men have to ruin what was a perfectly good business arrangement.
The message you sent him was great. i couldn't have done it any better.
It's funny how these "oblivious Romeos" (that's how I call them) will pest you with daily ""How are you today my darling hope you're on the mend" but truth is they can't care less how are you today or if you're on the mend or not.
Because if he really cared "how are you today" he would get the message, stop ignoring your e-mail requests, stop acting on his "fantasy relationship" and stop pestering you.
So now He's overstepping the boundaries and this is affecting your private life and your relationship with your family and your partner.
Me thinks it's Time to give this guy a "holiday".
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Sounds like he's mentally ill. Codependency possibly too. I've got one who has been texting me every day. My alarm beels piqued when he said something along the lines of being friends with another working girl & seeing new escorts when things change. Luckily if I ignore him for a day he wont pester but You've told him once, if he doesn't respect you then maybe tell him to sod off. Sometimes they do it for control in like a narcissistic way.
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Definitely Ana, he's got to go no matter how much I value the amount of money I earn from him.
He's stepped out of client territory now and has become nothing but an emotional drain. I like the term oblivious Romeos, it's very fitting!
It's true that he can't possibly give a toss how I am if he's blatantly ignoring my request to be left alone between appointments. I don't think there's any way I could see him again and be able to endure a long booking without telling him what I think of his behaviour.
Hopefully another good paying bloke will want long bookings because they were my bread and butter most months when I don't fancy taking many bookings.
Being mentally ill is perfectly feasible it seems Emma, I hope it's not the case but part of me wonders whether it may be. If so, I'm prepared for things to get a bit messy. I had a particularly nasty stalker the other year who at first seemed like this guy then turned out to be a nasty piece of work wth a very sinister manifesting personality disorder.
Not to offend those with mental health problems as I have close friends who suffer them, but in cases like this it definitely makes it more worrying.
I hope this stops but doubt it will now lol
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Yep, personality disorder red flags here. I've found that a lot of narcissists are attracted to Escorts, they have their wives/partners then their whores on the side to demean their partners & us eventually & it all starts with veiled charm. Best method is no contact, they hate being ignored & it doesn't "feed" their supply. Good luck, hope he doesn't cause you more shite. Very draining dangerous people.
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You need to send him a message saying that you can no longer entertain all the texting, that you had tried to explained to him and it's obvious it hasn't got through, or he isn't prepared to do anything differently so either the texts stop, or you'll have to stop seeing him.
If he carries on after that then block.
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I block them then unblock them on the day of the booking.
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At the end of the day, regular clients know how much we miss losing a nice part of our income. That gives them leeway to text all the time ::) It is about manipulation but you can put a stop to it. I'd rather cut a client cold turkey and lose that income than entertain their clingy ways.
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At the end of the day, regular clients know how much we miss losing a nice part of our income. That gives them leeway to text all the time ::) It is about manipulation but you can put a stop to it. I'd rather cut a client cold turkey and lose that income than entertain their clingy ways.
But we don't, or at least I knew I'd replace a regular who was clingy or pushy. Trouble is that I spent quite a long time not putting my foot down with a couple, which meant I was stressed and anxious when dealing with them. Due to a major change in how I work I've had opportunity to reset and start again.
None of my current regulars pester me in any shape or form.
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I currently have a client who is starting down this tack.I saw him once in December and he was nice enough. He sent a text afterwards to say thanks.On New Years Eve he then sent me a Happy New Year text and made reference to counting down the days when he was coming to see me in January..I guess that was the first red flag and I didn't respond.
He then booked again in January and was a little nosey in the booking but nothing too unusual just things like what I had done over Xmas and if I lived in my apartment.
Yesterday he texted me to ask if was on holiday as he could not find my advert?!? It turned out a very old advert on a site had lapsed...he then asked me if I had enough clients that I didn't need to advertise and that he thought it wasn't good for my business if I was not advertising. I pointed out to him that as well as having my own website I advertise in loads of places and not to concern himself with how I run my business.
Today he has texted asking if I give website lessons as my website is so good..I just replied with no. I think I will have to give him the speech about how it is a paid transaction and only to contact me if he is actually wishing to make a booking..but to be honest he is putting me off seeing him again anyway.