SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Gypsy on 10 September 2021, 08:52:43 am
-
I know this may sound ridiculous given the job we do, but does anyone else feel like civvy men aren't interested in them at all?
I get loads of compliments from my clients about how gorgeous and pretty I am and such a nice person, too. These compliments are from my regulars mostly, but when I see someone one off sometimes they'll make a comment as well.
But in normal every day life I get zero interest. Nothing, nada.
I am not open about the job, so I could understand it if I was how it puts people off.
I just think it's odd how men who are paying can be so nice and complimentary, but I may as well just be invisible outside of work.
This has been the same for years. No matter where I go or what I do, no one shows an interest. It's like I'm sending out vibes that repulse men.
Anyone else like this?
-
I know this may sound ridiculous given the job we do, but does anyone else feel like civvy men aren't interested in them at all?
I get loads of compliments from my clients about how gorgeous and pretty I am and such a nice person, too. These compliments are from my regulars mostly, but when I see someone one off sometimes they'll make a comment as well.
But in normal every day life I get zero interest. Nothing, nada.
I am not open about the job, so I could understand it if I was how it puts people off.
I just think it's odd how men who are paying can be so nice and complimentary, but I may as well just be invisible outside of work.
This has been the same for years. No matter where I go or what I do, no one shows an interest. It's like I'm sending out vibes that repulse men.
Anyone else like this?
No I would think it strange if men in other areas of my life gave me compliments at the same rate as clients. Although I do not think I am invisible I actually like not being noticed (but I do not think I am not noticed), just going about my other activities freely. In some situations it would be totally inappropriate. For example yesterday I went to the gym, bought some flowers, had a physical therapist appointment - if guys had complimented me on my looks in any of those situations it would have just been really odd and in once case totally unprofessional.
Also clients/punters are in a very intimate situation in which it is appropriate to compliment, even if just for conversation, also appreciation and of course they may have chosen women they are particularly attracted to.
-
Big topic. I've found clients can be a lot nicer than men I've come across when getting official stuff done. There may be a lot of reasons for it none of which are personal. I find a lot of feedback is indirect. Like, their attitude or whether they remember you or whether they go the extra yard.
I usually wear something MILFy but sometimes I will roadtest something more explicit. I've been hit on multiple times by the black guys hanging around the local shop or when picking up a takeaway or dropping by the 24/7 on a Friday night. I wasn't even in one takeaway for two minutes and was chatting with one of the staff who asked for my number. I wasn't sure if he'd seen my profile or if he just fancied me. He went quiet and starting playing with his phone and wouldn't look me in the eye after. One evening I wore a low tight satin top, rah rah skirt, and fishnets and one guy in the 24/7 queue looked at me then glanced between my legs and nearly dropped his stuff so yeah I guess this was a reaction.
The only verbal compliments I've got are from women. I got one drive-by compliment of "Looking glamorous" in the main shopping centre. Oh, and I've had one woman in front of me in the queue say this as well as some random guy in the local shop but otherwise nothing. Mind you Bristol is dress down city so if you amp it up even a little bit you're going to stand out.
I've had cars stop to let me cross the road when I've been wearing something fairly posh like a posh jacket with long skirt and boots.
As much as there are days when I want to scream for feeling invisble on the plus side I rarerly get any hassle.
-
I'm trying to find a sex work context here, but it's not easy?
The majority of men, punter or not-punter aren't interested in you (or me, or the lady at the next table). just as we aren't interested in them. The punters who book are interested enough that they're prepared to pay just to be in the same room, so I daresay that can skew our opinions at bit :).
-
I really stopped caring what civvy guys said and thought due to my issues around relationships and men in general
Clients give nice compliments and pay which is more of a priority to me that they like what they see.
I attracted the wrong kind of guys before hand anyway there is something about me I guess
-
not that I'm bothered as in a relationship but prior to
that it was probably because outside of work I look a bag of shit lol dressed down, no make up, hair scraped up, so far removed from my work look.
-
I mean when we are doing meets, it’s a completely different setting. We’re being intimate and whatnot and it’s pretty normal to do compliments..I’d find it a little odd/annoying (for me personally) if strange men just started giving me compliments during my everyday activities. Different if on a date with a civvy man.
-
I really stopped caring what civvy guys said and thought due to my issues around relationships and men in general
Clients give nice compliments and pay which is more of a priority to me that they like what they see.
I attracted the wrong kind of guys before hand anyway there is something about me I guess
:)
I wasn't honing in on the compliments as such, but my point was I never get asked out or such or even remotely shown an interest in.
People meet people they go on to have relationships with all the time, but I never seem to ???
-
I think the difference is you are not alone in a room with many civvy men for any to ask you out or pay you compliments. Not all men are bold to approach a woman now days in a supermarket/restaurant/pub. A lot will get there fixes or meetings from paid sex or dating sites.
That is probably why some sex workers end up dating clients as its how they meet the opposite sex mostly and it can be convenient.
-
Not really I’m pretty fat and don’t dress up or wear make up when I’m not work 90% of the time.
-
The only interest I get is the most ugliest looking men looking at me , I had some old guy probably in his 70’s the other day started talking to me asking if I meet him lol , both his eyes cataracts in at that age really must think his still in his youth :-[
-
I feel this way. I get a tiny bit of attention from civvy men, (maybe a look or whistle) but not much. It's punters that seem to have nicer things to say.
Some civvy men are even that moronic that they turn their heads away when I pass them ::)women too at times
-
That is true for me too, men outside of work only and have only been interested in sleeping with me, even before I was an escort, I was never the girl who boyfriends, just the one with one night stands, so I charging money and I'm not interested in "normal" men at all they still want the same thing, I get fwb offers all the time no male friends and no "normal" friends, it's different with clients, because they chose you, to spend time with whether your showing face or not they chose you out of thousands of girls, so they do like what they see.
-
Since doing this job I have become much more confident and this definitely shows. Not in an arrogant way, just I don’t have the same insecurities I had before. Many men are intimidated by confident women. Since being an escort I’ve too found that I receive less interest in general from civvie men. They used to seem to prefer it when I was perhaps a bit more needy and emotionally vulnerable. Now when dating I make it clear they need to add to my life to make it worth my while pursuing anything with them. This isn’t always done explicitly so, but they are aware of it and most bugger off when they realise they can’t add anything. Any time spent dating is time away from my cats, and they’re a tough crowd to compete with. I’ve even turned down paying men when the money hasn’t been tempting enough to lure me away from kitty cuddles :D
-
What I have noticed, and done, at least since starting this work is prioritising emotional connections. That has 100% weeded out all the fuckboys/men. Horny 40-somethings who are after my body who might drag a connection out because they expect a shag. even after they realise they don't want a relationship.
I had one guy the other day, desperately tried to get me to 'go home' with him after the date, he was drunk and I expected the shag to be crap, I put him on the nightbus alone. He tried again the next day, he took the day off and told him no, I think because he knew that I wasn't working that day that he could get me to come over. After that his demeanour changed and he got negative. So they select themselves out. Once upon a time I would have had sex just because I felt horny but then still feel a bit bad about myself because the guy would have lost interest and would treat you likewise. I never get that level of dismissiveness from clients, if anything they always say how keen they are to see you again. They look happy and satisfied. ONS on the other hand, can't wait to get rid of you. It's not like I need the validation but I don't like the dishonesty of a person telling you that they like you and then not even looking in your eye after.
Most clients are not like that which is why I would rather a punter than a one night stand with some bloke who took me out for an average meal ANY day!
-
I think being in sex work, I’m a lot more sceptical of men’s intentions in civvy life/dating so I probably don’t give out the same energy I might had I never been in this line of work and had my eyes opened. In private life I’m not looking for a quick shag or a fling and I make men work harder for my affections if I’m going to be with them for free. So it’s maybe not so much about seeming repulsive outside of sex work, maybe just a little less obtainable.
-
I think being in sex work, I’m a lot more sceptical of men’s intentions in civvy life/dating so I probably don’t give out the same energy I might had I never been in this line of work and had my eyes opened. In private life I’m not looking for a quick shag or a fling and I make men work harder for my affections if I’m going to be with them for free. So it’s maybe not so much about seeming repulsive outside of sex work, maybe just a little less obtainable.
Let’s factor in that majority of civvy men would never ever date a prostitute and outright reject the whole idea, so perhaps we’ve invisible for them due to that.
-
Let’s factor in that majority of civvy men would never ever date a prostitute and outright reject the whole idea, so perhaps we’ve invisible for them due to that.
In my experience some will and others won't, but unless the OP is wearing a T-shirt with 'I Am A Prostitute' printed front and back, how are the men she's talking about going to know what she does for a living?
-
Let’s factor in that majority of civvy men would never ever date a prostitute and outright reject the whole idea, so perhaps we’ve invisible for them due to that.
How are they going to know before the point of initial interest though? Making the admission I’m a sex worker isn’t really how I tend to lead a conversation.
-
Of course nobody has this written on their forehead. But I’m going to risk a bet not many would stick around if this was made clear to them. Majority just can’t cope with it.
:<
-
I can't say that I've experienced it.
I've never had trouble attracting civvy men although I don't tell them what I do for a living, but the problem now is that unless they meet my very high standards and preferences with regards to looks and performance then I'm just not willing to give it away for free.
-
I can't say that I've experienced it.
I've never had trouble attracting civvy men although I don't tell them what I do for a living, but the problem now is that unless they meet my very high standards and preferences with regards to looks and performance then I'm just not willing to give it away for free.
+1
Here it’s not even about the looks as I’ve dated physically unattractive men before who made up with their masculinity/personality. It’s much more about attraction and compatibility as well as if they’re a good partner for me to give the job up. Since they’re not able to provide the same finances, it has got to be Someone who is able to provide things that money isn’t able to buy.
-
I think being in sex work, I’m a lot more sceptical of men’s intentions in civvy life/dating so I probably don’t give out the same energy I might had I never been in this line of work and had my eyes opened. In private life I’m not looking for a quick shag or a fling and I make men work harder for my affections if I’m going to be with them for free. So it’s maybe not so much about seeming repulsive outside of sex work, maybe just a little less obtainable.
Haha to be honest it was getting back in the civvie dating scene that sent me back to escorting ;D a lot of civvie guys around my age now that I meet either have toxic past relationships and they now have issues with women, coke/alcohol problems, or pretending to be single when they arnt so they can land me as a side chick! This was after splitting from a 10 year relationship with children I honestly thought sod it I'm going back to escorting i can't deal with this :FF ;D
-
I can't say that I've experienced it.
I've never had trouble attracting civvy men although I don't tell them what I do for a living, but the problem now is that unless they meet my very high standards and preferences with regards to looks and performance then I'm just not willing to give it away for free.
This is true for me to, unless I find the guy hot and am lustfully attracted to him, I am not interested. I was seeing a civvie guy who ticked all the boxes except he'd had toxic past relationships he wasn't yet ready for another...were still friends though and tbh I prefer it that way for now. I honestly cannot be bothered with all the hassle of a proper relationship.
-
Haha to be honest it was getting back in the civvie dating scene that sent me back to escorting ;D a lot of civvie guys around my age now that I meet either have toxic past relationships and they now have issues with women, coke/alcohol problems, or pretending to be single when they arnt so they can land me as a side chick! This was after splitting from a 10 year relationship with children I honestly thought sod it I'm going back to escorting i can't deal with this :FF ;D
Can relate! I would love to meet someone but I’ve honestly got clients I like better than half my exes and they require far less hassle ;D
-
. I honestly cannot be bothered with all the hassle of a proper relationship.
I feel the same after coming out of a long term relationship so I may seem shallow (Ok I am! lol) so if I'm not feeling the lust then I'm not giving it away.
-
It was seeing how nice clients were to me that made me realise what an ungrateful shit my ex was, tbf.
-
I find that outside of escorting if a guy is freely throwing compliments at me he is just doing what he thinks will get on my good side and in my knickers. Overly charming men are just saying what they think we want to hear and maybe even sense how I don't personally think I'm that attractive or i don't often get compliments like a stunning woman does so need the boost lol . My trying to get a civvy relationship is depressing and I'm on the dating apps as I don't go out that much. I don't even get that much attention from clients tbh and i know I'm not ugly but just not Stunning, Girl next door pretty and average. So I often feel like I could do with some cosmetic intervention.
But I have had many clients want to see me outside of bookings because they are lonely and like my company and chat.
-
It was seeing how nice clients were to me that made me realise what an ungrateful shit my ex was, tbf.
+11111
-
The great paradox of escorting is that my clients treat me far better and are far more considerate of my needs than some of boyfriends ever were. I could even go so far that several casual boyfriends made me feel far more like a hooker than any client who has paid for my time.
-
The great paradox of escorting is that my clients treat me far better and are far more considerate of my needs than some of boyfriends ever were. I could even go so far that several casual boyfriends made me feel far more like a hooker than any client who has paid for my time.
I've said the same about doctors. Clients treat me 10x better than any doctor or cop has.
Generally though my eats are open to feedback whether it's a spontaneous comment or an attitude because I'm interested in how people perceive me. One client this week blurted out while he was snogging and goping me that I was "fit". I tend to take this as "not fat" but other clients have said I look "fit" so there is a pattern there.
Another thing is I'm working on my self worth and confidence, and tryig to navigate communication and rapport. I'm not naturally good at this and I hate low information false relationships so it'sa bit of a challenge.
-
Men who pay for sex already have exactly what they want, so they are in a good mood about it and are happy to deal out the compliments. Also, they want nothing more from us so no need to play games or piss about. Real life dating comes with all kinds of weird emotional baggage and people can be cold and offish to protect themselves emotionally whilst they figure out what's what. People play games etc
I mean, its pretty easy as a woman if you are even semi-attractive to get 'looks' in the street, but if you want dates or sex you have to be proactive, dating apps/nightclubs etc. Indeed, when we get clients, they are guys who particularly like us; when we actually date we will encounter rejection, because even if we are pretty, we'll never be everyone's cuppa tea etc
-
Well, I think the universe took notice of this post as I met a man last week really randomly and had a date with him this weekend ;D
I'm predominantly looking for 3 things here ...
1. Men who aren't womanisers
2. Men who aren't alpha males ::)
3. Men who are on the submissive side
And he fits all of this criteria pretty well :)
I think this job over the years has given me crystal clear insight into the type of men I definitely don't want and for that I'm truly grateful :)
-
Well, I think the universe took notice of this post as I met a man last week really randomly and had a date with him this weekend ;D
That sounds very promising, Gypsy, congrats! Does he know what your career is, or are you keeping that to yourself? I struggle with that decision myself.
-
That sounds very promising, Gypsy, congrats! Does he know what your career is, or are you keeping that to yourself? I struggle with that decision myself.
Well, I've only had one date so far and it's a long distance thing, so I'm keeping it to myself for now. He has a young child, too, so that puts me off telling him. But there's no way he'll just drop by unannounced.
-
How did you meet? I only seem to meet people online and maybe should download tinder again. If it lets me I was banned for no reason last time.
-
How did you meet? I only seem to meet people online and maybe should download tinder again. If it lets me I was banned for no reason last time.
We met at a function in a pub local to me.
-
And I see it like this:
When you are at work(escorting)you probably look good (hair, make-up, nice sexy lingerie). You are smiling, you are flirtatious. They feel important in your company ... (they pay us for that). Their ego jumps to the maximum. Then it is much easier to give compliments. And it is less awkward. The boundary of intimacy has been overcome. Nothing to lose by complimenting.
It is more difficult in real life. Recently I heard from a colleague from work (civvie) that I am an attractive woman and that not every man has the courage to meet this type a woman.
Like the last time a guy (in normal work) asked me for a phone number and I refused. It now passes me by, head down, ashamed.
And no, I'm not beauty. I am a nice and smiling average person ::)
-
Well, just an update for you all ::)
The twat who I had the misfortune of meeting 3 weeks ago who said he wanted to get to know people before taking things any further etc etc was just a complete bullshitter who only wanted sex and spat his dummy out when denied it.
I've never met a player who is so utterly toxic and misogynistic.
Can you imagine how I would feel if I did sleep with him ... the guy who I thought genuinely cared would just vanish. Needless to say he tried to turn it all on me and yeah he's completely innocent ::)
-
Well, just an update for you all ::)
The twat who I had the misfortune of meeting 3 weeks ago who said he wanted to get to know people before taking things any further etc etc was just a complete bullshitter who only wanted sex and spat his dummy out when denied it.
I've never met a player who is so utterly toxic and misogynistic.
Can you imagine how I would feel if I did sleep with him ... the guy who I thought genuinely cared would just vanish. Needless to say he tried to turn it all on me and yeah he's completely innocent ::)
Sounds just like the guy who I went on a date with a few weeks ago. All over me like s rash, offering to take me out to this place and that. When I made it clear that I wasn't going back to his place, suddenly he turned nasty. You'd think men in their 50s would be more sensible but nope.
-
Sounds just like the guy who I went on a date with a few weeks ago. All over me like s rash, offering to take me out to this place and that. When I made it clear that I wasn't going back to his place, suddenly he turned nasty. You'd think men in their 50s would be more sensible but nope.
Have I mentioned this piece of shit was 47 ...? ::)
I'm 36 and I think it's wise to stay clear of men over 40 from now on. IME, younger men are much more polite and respectful.
Time for a toy boy ;D
-
Also, unlike you, he wasn't all over me, either. Quite the opposite really. He was stand offish with closed body language ... and yet he still expected me to sleep with him ::)
At the time, I had no idea what was going on inside his head because of his body language. There was no affection whatsoever ::)
If he wanted to sleep with me he could have been a bit more enthusiastic himself ;D