SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: rinaxeee on 09 July 2015, 10:43:33 am
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I have a boyfriend and I am enjoying having sex with him. But recently he seemed disinterested about having sex with me.
He says 'you must cum a lot, it is so wet' (like, you're too wet). And then the other night while having sex, he suddenly stops and then started fingering me. I was like 'what are you doing??' Cause I could tell it was not just 1 finger he was using, I kept on saying 'what are you doing? I don't like it stop' but he says 'no just relax' and then started to put lubes on me. So I said, 'I am already very wet, so why are you adding lubes??' But he already applied it, and used fingers again and it hurts. Later he said 'I put my whole hand in it, you're so big'. Basically he tried fisting to me because he thought my pussy was big!
Well I guess he was not trying insult me, I really must be loose down there.
I am not sure how I should feel about this though. I am in late 20's and didn't have baby.
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Rina how do you feel? I would feel really low after someone did that, self conscious and uncomfortable my ex used subtle actions and tactics with me, saying i was so fat and that my chest was so big I felt really uncomfortable. in the end I went off sex with him he didn't make me feel attractive at all we split .
are your clients complimentary towards you ?
every woman is different inside and if your enjoying sex and getting naturally wet without lube there is nothing wrong.
but this is uncomfortable and your not enjoying it with this boyfriend and putting his whole hand in without your consent is very disrespectful wrong he's being abusive by doing this against your wishes.
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Your bf sounds like a dick pure and simple.Most women can take a hand down there and its no indication you have a loose fanny.After all vaginas are designed to stretch to accommodate childbirth.Fisting though like any other sexual activity should only be done with consent and it is an activity that you do carefully and slowly and it should not hurt.Also you may want to point out to your bf that a woman being wet has nothing to do with how many orgasms she has.I can wet but not cum at all its a natural thing that a vagina does to prepare for sex.Your boyfriend is very ignorant and I think you need to think carefully about your future with him.
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As far as I am concerned the important thing here is that he didn't stop when you told him to. The correct response to "Stop" is NOT "just relax."
I am going to start another thread about toning exercises for those of us who want to work on our vaginal tightness, but I won't discuss it in this thread because this is about your boyfriend abusing you and you shouldn't be concerned about being "loose" or whatever.
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Yep what a dickhead, he has no respect for you and basically forced you to do something you did not want too, something not even a client would dare after you asked him to stop the first time.
Personally I would reconsider whether a bf like that is worth it.
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I'm sending you a big virtual hug, that's just horrible! To tell him to stop & he tried to fist you still is just abuse. I had a guy try this on my once when I was drunk in my 20s.
Maybe he got the idea from porn & is re-enacting a scene. Like the other ladies say, he doesn't sound like a very nice person & seems a bit abusive. Red flag behaviour there. Any genuine guy would stop when you say no the first time. I'm sure if you did something to him that he didn't like he'd be very angry.
Doesn't mean you have a big fanny, just means you are relaxed. If you are worried about that though you can get a kegel or do pelvic floor exercises. They are quite good. I have a kegel 8 that is battery operated & sends signals like a tens machine into the muscles to contract & tighten them.
I hope you are feeling OK & have told him that's not OK to treat you like that!
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Thanks ladies for kind comments. I know he sound horrible / I did got emotionally hurt. But the point is not about him being dickhead. He has this manner of blunt honesty. Also he admits being a playboy, has lots of experience with women.
As I know how he is sometimes too honest, and he does have lots of sex experience with lots of other girls, I can't help but think that my vagina really must be somewhat loose. And this is what makes me upset. Maybe being a prossie took its toll on my vagina being loose.
Do other girls also feel the same? 'maybe I am too loose for having lots of sex?'
I don't know how I should feel about this. I didn't even have baby yet!
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Rina If I had a penny for the amount of men that think they know more than us about the female body I would have a lot of money. So many proclaim to understand how down there works as they've slept with 100+ Women blah blah blah, he sounds pretty clueless to me.
he is using your job title to make you feel insecure about your vagina in order to get you to agree to a sex act that you don't want.
Check out "because we are prostitutes" thread, It's a different situation but similar mentality.
I love an honest blunt guy, but in my opinion this is abusive behaviour and if it was me in your position I would tell him to stick his hand elsewhere.
Btw, My vagina is in better working order as I know how to use it and it's tighter due to regular activity :)
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oopsie
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No.And its bullshit that lots of sex makes you loose down there.Honey he is talking out of his arse and being manipulative.Blunt honesty is not an excuse to act like an idiot.It sounds to me that you have low self esteem and he is playing on it.
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Oh and by the way him shoving his hand up you when you don't want it will be the thing that will wind up potentially making you loose down there not having sex regularly.
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Rina If I had a penny for the amount of men that think they know more than us about the female body I would have a lot of money. So many proclaim to understand how down there works as they've slept with 100+ Women blah blah blah, he sounds pretty clueless to me.
he is using your job title to make you feel insecure about your vagina in order to get you to agree to a sex act that you don't want.
He doesn't know that I am prossie. I don't think he even remotely suspects. But I do think he is pretty clueless about how women orgasm though.
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Unless you fuck a man with a nine-pound cock, it will not stretch you out. Even having a baby doesn't "stretch" the vagina - it just fucks up the pelvic floor muscles so that you can lose tone.
I really do think the issue here is that this guy treats you badly. He's not good for you.
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Thanks ladies for kind comments. I know he sound horrible / I did got emotionally hurt. But the point is not about him being dickhead. He has this manner of blunt honesty. Also he admits being a playboy, has lots of experience with women.
As I know how he is sometimes too honest, and he does have lots of sex experience with lots of other girls, I can't help but think that my vagina really must be somewhat loose. And this is what makes me upset. Maybe being a prossie took its toll on my vagina being loose.
Do other girls also feel the same? 'maybe I am too loose for having lots of sex?'
I don't know how I should feel about this. I didn't even have baby yet!
Sounds to me like he THINKS he knows it all but knows nothing. He sounds controlling over you and I'm sorry if this hurts to hear this but he's playing on some insecurity of yours. The guy is demoralising you and that's not good for you at all, neither mentally and Lords knows physically.
I'd feel inclined to get some lube and fist his arse and when he says please stop (like you did) just tell him to relax...............
Sorry for the bluntness but he's talking absolute tripe. He knows nothing about women's bodies and just ignore his so called knowledge as the man truly sounds like a controlling dickhead who is not good for you at all. How dare he carry on doing that to you when you clearly said NO................
I don't know how long you've been with this guy but I can't see his behaviour to you improving so if I was you I'd be dumping the arrogant so and so ASAP.
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This twit is getting off on making you feel insecure, whilst he witters on about 'how experienced' he is. If only he knew, that'd wipe the smug grim off his face ;D. He rammed a hand up there.. We could all accommodate that, albeit painfully or uncomfortably. That doesn't prove any point whatsoever. Please get this loser out of your life. We need to feel good about ourselves to carry out our job well. You deserve to be showered with compliments, not allow yourself to endure petty insults from a little creep who clearly has insecurities of his own, along with a warped idea of consent.
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As has been said this guy is an idiot who has no idea what he is talking about and who is playing on your insecurities.
I was pregnant when I was 16, I was not having sex with lots of guys and can clearly remember my Dr putting most of his forearm up me during examinations. Yet I get lots of guys comment on how tight I am now.
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[/quote]I'd feel inclined to get some lube and fist his arse and when he says please stop (like you did) just tell him to relax...............[/quote]
Lol Jenny, I was tempted to say this too in my thread ;D
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I agree with the other ladies - I'm afraid he sounds a bit of a wally. Once you're ready to replace him tell him it's not your fanny that's big, but his cock is too small. Ideally, tell him in mid-fuck that he's not really touching the sides, while you look bored. Get a large vibrator out and do your own thing while he wilts, and you glance at his cock full of pity. You know, just for fun, as a parting shot. He'll never be so cock-sure again, the unkind fool.
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He sounds like an abusive dickhead and needs to be shown the door. He performed an act on you without your consent and carried on when you told him to stop! Also he's chatting out of his arse in regards to looseness and the amount of sex you're having. It's an old misogynistic myth that the more sex a person has the looser their vagina becomes. It's a muscle, and it doesn't stretch out in that way. If anything it becomes stronger and tighter the more you use it.
Take care, I hope his nastiness hasn't hurt you too much x
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How long have you been with this guy? It sounds to me like he's in the first stages of becoming abusive: working on lowering your self esteem and making you feel inadequate. He obviously has low self image himself and it makes him feel better to knock your confidence. These are all red flag signs that he may become abusive so get out now before it gets worse!! Xx
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Well said Miss White. For any victims of abuse this extremely helpful;
[removed - PLEASE don't post links on the forum]
Saved me ??? in therapy & opened my eyes to many manipulation tactics when I was being brain washed.
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All of you ladies are so concerned of me. Thank you, I know how I sound like and I know how you'll think. He sounds like a dickhead and he sometimes really is, I am aware of it.
We are in a exclusive relationship we're not just playing (I know cause I practically live in his house and he don't go out a lot), but then again I am never gonna marry him or be too serious with him. He will never get violent with me, and I will never get pregnant with him. I know you may think 'oh come on, you're being played. You can not be sure, he may turn nasty later' and you may get really worried for me. But I am in well control and there are friends and family around me to make sure that nothing bad happen to me.
I do remember when I was actually virgin or had very few sexual experience. I also remember when I started used dildos in me and how it felt like. It's true I used to be tighter and now it's not the same. Dildos get in much more easily than before, and sensation I get from having sex is also different. I don't want to be emotionally comforted but I just want to know how do I deal with this physical change. I am not played on my insecurity, I know my body and honestly I can also feel it is rather looser than before.
Maybe there is two kind of vaginal tightness - virgin or almost virgin tight and then your normal tight. Maybe you're only very tight when you're almost virgin and then when it stretch to normal state it just stays that way.
Let's be completely honest ladies, maybe from some point after being sexually active, your vagina stays same. But you know it's not the same as when you had no or little sexual experience.
I also do duo plays with other girls and play with other girls bottoms too. There was this one occasion I felt like 'wow how can she be so loose like this?' I know this is not the most polite thing to think, and I never ever said this to her but yeah I am just being honest. I just felt it with my own hand and she really was surprisingly loose, that's just what I really felt. I fingered other girls before and most girls pretty much same but just this one girl was surprisingly loose to the point of hard to understand why so loose.
I mean there's nothing much I could do really, except for kegel exercise I guess. Or maybe using those balls inside.
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Your vagina as a virgin is obviously much tighter. It will never be that tight again because you are no longer a virgin. But that doesn't mean you are loose now. You need to accept your body as it is, I think you have unrealistic expectations. Learn to love yourself.
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I don't think a virgin vagina is tighter. More tense, very likely. But the vagina is made up of muscles. They can be stretched and they can lose their tone, but it takes something really traumatic like being torn in childbirth to do that. SEX WILL NOT MAKE A VAGINA "LOOSE." At most, when you become comfortable with sex (which generally hurts the first time) then you will be more relaxed.
I mean, does your throat become "looser" over a lifetime of gulping down food? No. Because it is made of muscles.
Your vagina is also made up of muscles. It is not a spandex thing that can lose its elasticity from being stretched. It renews and it gets stronger, if anything, from repeated flexing.
Vaginas, like penises, can be varying sizes. Like any other muscles, they can vary in tightness and tone. But the idea that getting fucked repeatedly stretches it is just not correct.
After childbirth, which can be pretty traumatic, it can be helpful to do exercises. The loss of pelvic muscle tone goes beyond how "tight" the vagina is and affects the ability to control urine. They're all tied in together. But if fucking will loosen a vagina in the same way, then we'd all be somewhat incontinent. Can you do a star jump, or sneeze, without wetting yourself? Then you are not "stretched" in that way. That said, doing kegals will increase the "tightness" of your vagina. But only in a different way.
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Furthermore:
There is the opposite extreme. It's called vaginismus and it's a bitch if you are affected. Basically, it's a sort of hypertension of the pelvic floor muscles where they are perpetually clenched. It can make sex extremely uncomfortable. Some women have it constantly and some experience it during times of stress (and can experience it when attempting to have sex.)
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Utterly pointless to compare an anus to a vagina.Both completely different things.
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I agree with those that say a lot of sex does not make you loose, in fact it tones you up. I think you can be too tight anyway, I hate it when you have to push them in and if it's not hard enough it bends or slips out. Much better if it just slides in easily which is how it is for me most times.