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Author Topic: Job Has Taken Over Life  (Read 2337 times)

Gypsy

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Job Has Taken Over Life
« on: 03 July 2023, 01:31:04 pm »
This will be my 8th year doing this job and I just feel it's completely taken over my life. The job has always come first and I feel as if it's gotten in the way of relationships and potentially starting a family.

I worry myself senseless over what I would do if I didn't do this. I want to move forward doing other things, but I can't seem to stop always putting this job first. I'm actually having counselling at the moment after a recent abortion as that's made me realise just how stuck I feel. I want my life to change but with my current mindset, I just can't see it ever happening, not for the better anyway.

This job has always been my plan B and I don't have a plan C. If I were to have a family I wouldn't get any help benefit wise as I have too much saved up, another property that I let out and a house that I own outright.

I know it sounds ridiculous but I am in such a good financial place at the moment having a child I feel would just blow it. I'd be on my own too with no help whatsoever.

Anyone else feel that this job rules them?

Anyone else feel like this?
These days there are no Prince Charmings. A girl just has to be her own hero

Cgiw

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Re: Job Has Taken Over Life
« Reply #1 on: 03 July 2023, 02:20:01 pm »
Hey, it sounds like you're going through it, so no wonder your emotions are in flux right now.

On a smaller scale I've been trying to work out how to balance work and the rest of my life. I've been trying to see how my attitudes affect my approach to work. When I work part time at home I'm always ready to say yes to a booking, to try and squeeze it in around other commitments which means I'm sometimes rushing away from daily life commitments and not fully enjoying them.
When I'm on tour I really enjoy the endurance challenge aspect of it, pushing myself to see as many as possible, increasing my targets if its going well.
But all that means I'm wearing myself down. I've just come home from a 3 week tour, am supposed to be resting for a couple of days and yesterday a regular asked to see me. I said yes then I didn't give him great service because I was exhausted.

I guess the question I'm asking myself is 'how much is enough?'. Can I bring boundaries into myself that I haven't had before in order to slow this job down and make it manageable long term.

I'm not gong to speak to the parenting part of your question as that's not in my experience but if you are financially comfortable right now, can you experiment with working less? Find ways to say no to work and see how it sits with you.
But also remember that this is a time of upheaval and you don't have to make any big decisions straight away.
I hope things get easier for you. X

ana30

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Re: Job Has Taken Over Life
« Reply #2 on: 03 July 2023, 03:36:28 pm »
Hi Gypsy, I feel your pain, having children while being a self employed woman (any field) is very very challenging, the only self employed females I personally know that managed had wealthy/semi wealthy partners or husbands that would physically, financially and emotionally support them during pregnancy and child raising. This said I'm sure a few members here have managed to have children alone and raise them  while being sex workers and I'm pretty sure it was not easy at all (of course I may be wrong). Bows hat to them.  If you have reached a good financial position, own two properties (one you rent out) that's really good, can you afford "slowing down" for a couple of years and having a baby? Otherwise you're going to have to give up on your family dreams (unless of course you meet Mr Right and wealthy *good luck with that one*).
"Sex work is real work, being a landlord isn't" - Graffitti seen on a wall.

Mirror

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Re: Job Has Taken Over Life
« Reply #3 on: 03 July 2023, 05:06:49 pm »
Although I don't have the children dilemma (too late), I do recognise the way in which I adapt my life to fit the job. I happily offer a wide variety of social & social booking times. I have learned to install boundaries for example limits on advance bookings (4 months ahead), but currently due to enough evening and weekend regulars becoming unreliable I'm considering further changes. It's basically not fair.

Back to finances I think it's difficult to step back, but perhaps time to take that leap. You have property, and some things in life are priceless.

Missizzy

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Re: Job Has Taken Over Life
« Reply #4 on: 03 July 2023, 07:29:22 pm »
I sort of come at this from the opposite angle to you, as I'm basically doing this job because I got pregnant and I hate the idea of my babba getting pulled into that coucil estate life I have, but it is wearing. My current circumstances don't allow me to do this full time currently (I'm still living at home), so I'm doing it round a civvy job. I often feel like a zombie, but I need to work.

I don't know what to do really about it.

MissElvira

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Re: Job Has Taken Over Life
« Reply #5 on: 05 July 2023, 10:53:43 pm »
Hi Gypsy, Sorry to hear your having a tough time, your mental health is important and so is being happy. I do have kids over 18 so I started late to Escorting at 37. For me I value family and do Escorting so I can spend more time being home, Help my kids financially and can afford to live comfortably and a mostly stress free life but I'll never rake it in and I'm ok with that, I value my free time over work or clients and I work around my life, Set aside 2 weeks to work and two weeks off.

You can have the life you want but with everything sacrifices need to be made, What are your core values and what do you value most in your life. Financially how much do you need to be comfortable and cut back on work, Things to ask yourself.

Maybe now you are not in the right place mentally to decide but you need to take care of you and be kind to yourself, Sounds like you've done great and worked hard and we all ask ourselves if what we are doing and then think ahead and panic.

Having children is not cheap and at times it takes over your life  for a while, you put yourself second it definitely not for the selfish and doing it alone is hard without support and even having a partner does not mean it's easy, You do lose a bit of you when you have a baby and I did find it hard myself. I have friends who have not had children and I sometimes envy their life.

Having a baby you could plan for this, Set aside money to take time off if the time comes that you want a child or to take time off to reset yourself.

My friend works part-time and hires a lovely nanny she pays £11 an hour.

I've recently become sober, I didn't have a drinking problem that was daily but I used alcohol to self medicate, to push myself to work those extra two clients when I was tired or to relax. This was not serving me well and I needed to get unstuck.

If the jobs rake over your life then what can you do differently to change that, Small steps but just having more time to do something you enjoy would give you time to reflect a bit rested and refreshed, Burnout can happen in any job.

Don't let anything rule you let it work for you.

MissElvira

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Re: Job Has Taken Over Life
« Reply #6 on: 05 July 2023, 10:56:51 pm »
Sorry for the terrible grammar, I've worked all day and shattered.