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Author Topic: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!  (Read 1719 times)

MWM

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I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« on: 17 October 2019, 10:38:00 pm »
Ive been escorting for around 18 months now & ended a sex-less relationship a little while back, so really for the last 18 months my whole sex life has been work. That’s been fine for me but now I’ve started sort of seeing someone I’m actually quite anxious at the thought of doing the deed with him.
I can’t remember what it’s like to have “personal life” sex. I can’t remember what I’m actually like, how I like it for REAL, or what my whole vibe is like during it.
At work, I find it really easy to have a good time, put on a show (so to speak) and be confident with my body.. but in real life, I’m painfully self conscious, shy & probably boring.
I don’t care so much what clients may think of my body, but in my personal life, I’m so worried I’m not “this” or not “that”. You know? I have absolutely no issues being naked at work, but in my personal relationships, I’d cover up, worry about how I look, etc
I can let go a lot more at work than in normal life.

Thing is, It’s almost like I feel I won’t be able to register that  I’m not in “work mode”, I’ll go on auto pilot and I may suddenly be all “oooo you’re soooo big” “mmmmm that feels so nice”, oh my god I’d be mortified if I turned into my work persona because that’s NOT ME AT ALL.
I feel like escorting has done something to my mind when it comes to sex now & I can’t figure out how to separate the two lives when it comes to personal sex and work sex.

Is this just me or does anyone sort of understand what I’m talking about?
« Last Edit: 17 October 2019, 10:41:15 pm by MWM »

SWgirl

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Re: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« Reply #1 on: 18 October 2019, 12:01:26 am »
I understand where you are coming from. I’ve fallen into something similar due to being away from my partner for so long. Now I don’t know what to do and been delaying it. The only thing I can suggest is to not over think it and go with the flow. It’s easier said than done but the sooner you can “be you” with a partner instead of “work you” the better. It’s like flicking a switch as I was able to do it in the beginning but lost it since being apart.

Good luck x

Kay

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Re: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« Reply #2 on: 18 October 2019, 01:25:01 am »
I can sort of see where you're coming from, but one thing for me is that I don't have a work 'persona' per se. I obviously make more of an effort to be pleasant and accommodating, and not sexually selfish (which is one of the main benefits of good civvy sex for me), but I don't do any of the silly flattery - if I make a compliment to a client, it's genuine. I'm very much myself with clients because, TBH I'd find it mentally draining to be otherwise and I CBA.

As SWG says, I think it's just a case of trying to relax and going with the flow, not directing things or checking the time etc. Also, remember that confidence is attractive, so stop being so body conscious!
"There is no sin except stupidity" - Oscar Wilde

TantricTease

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Re: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« Reply #3 on: 18 October 2019, 06:21:20 am »
I can sort of see where you're coming from, but one thing for me is that I don't have a work 'persona' per se. I obviously make more of an effort to be pleasant and accommodating, and not sexually selfish (which is one of the main benefits of good civvy sex for me), but I don't do any of the silly flattery - if I make a compliment to a client, it's genuine. I'm very much myself with clients because, TBH I'd find it mentally draining to be otherwise and I CBA.

As SWG says, I think it's just a case of trying to relax and going with the flow, not directing things or checking the time etc. Also, remember that confidence is attractive, so stop being so body conscious!

I’m the same in the sense that my work persona and the real me are exactly the same person, there’s no ‘alter ego’ with me or anything, I could only ‘act’ with a script to read from, so many sps adopt this other persona and it’s interesting to see in other women but I couldn’t do it, when I first started working then I got so annoyed that I couldn’t pretend to be this other person but now I accept that I can only do what I can do. 

I also don’t flatter men’s ego’s and sometimes with AW feedback you can read between the lines and guess that certain clients want their egos flattered, and when I read feedback such as “a great time had with a sexy man with a huge cock who knows how to please a lady” then I always assume that the client was one of those who wanted his ego flattered with all that stuff and I tend to stay away from these clients because I find them mentally draining.

BangerRacing

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Re: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« Reply #4 on: 18 October 2019, 09:10:13 am »
Classic intimacy issue. You go into a freeze response. Take things slowly with the guy. Let it happen organically. He needs to seduce you  ;)

It's easier at work because you don't know them. You can draw on aspects of your work though with the confidence aspect. It takes balls to have sex with strangers..

Maybe have a couple of guys on the go & practice with the one you're bothered about pursuing a relationship with.

China_Grl

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Re: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« Reply #5 on: 21 October 2019, 07:55:16 am »
To me I just be myself ( no alter ego) with clients and with my hubby. The only difference is that with my hubby my emotions are switched on.

Jane Seymour

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Re: I don’t know how to have non-work sex anymore!
« Reply #6 on: 21 October 2019, 10:04:36 pm »
I used to see a man who liked threesomes with both men and women.  I agreed provided I did not know the women he booked, and also no mention was to be made of what I did to anyone.  I
t was a fascinating insight into how other sex workers operate and I always found myself comparing blow jobs and when we saw a man I always behaved as if I was in control and made him cum.  I could not help it - the professionalism kicked in.

At the end of a session with one male escort he told my guy he was a lucky man.  I considered this to be a triumph.  I did not always enjoy these meets, and considered them a test.

I did not enjoy the sex in those situations much preferring the one on  one meets.  Some meets were fantastic and some not so, but the real life sex has feeling and emotion that paid for meets do not have.

If it starts to become mechanical, take a break.