Ive been escorting for around 18 months now & ended a sex-less relationship a little while back, so really for the last 18 months my whole sex life has been work. That’s been fine for me but now I’ve started sort of seeing someone I’m actually quite anxious at the thought of doing the deed with him.
I can’t remember what it’s like to have “personal life” sex. I can’t remember what I’m actually like, how I like it for REAL, or what my whole vibe is like during it.
At work, I find it really easy to have a good time, put on a show (so to speak) and be confident with my body.. but in real life, I’m painfully self conscious, shy & probably boring.
I don’t care so much what clients may think of my body, but in my personal life, I’m so worried I’m not “this” or not “that”. You know? I have absolutely no issues being naked at work, but in my personal relationships, I’d cover up, worry about how I look, etc
I can let go a lot more at work than in normal life.
Thing is, It’s almost like I feel I won’t be able to register that I’m not in “work mode”, I’ll go on auto pilot and I may suddenly be all “oooo you’re soooo big” “mmmmm that feels so nice”, oh my god I’d be mortified if I turned into my work persona because that’s NOT ME AT ALL.
I feel like escorting has done something to my mind when it comes to sex now & I can’t figure out how to separate the two lives when it comes to personal sex and work sex.
Is this just me or does anyone sort of understand what I’m talking about?