Ok not sure I'm posting in the right thread here for this but...

And so to today............

Had a booking with a guy who I'd cammed for  (during which he'd asked to do a sex show on cam I strangely enough declined).  Then he arrived .......first he asks for 2 hours...10 minutes in he asks again about the sex show.......I say no I haven't agreed to it and I feel uncomfortable that you are pressuring me about it.

Then he not long after asks for it to be just 1 hour (and I like a fool give some money back (I seriously think I need assertiveness training here).  He comes quickly and leaves within half an hour claiming tiredness.

Well maybe he was but I know the real reason is that I wouldn't do the bloody live cam sex show!!!  Its pissing annoying as I'd blocked out 2 hrs for him and declined other bookings.  I guess it is at least partly my fault for being such a pushover.

I think I need a strategy to deal with things like this as .....I am naturally not assertive and just can't think what to say when confronted with things like this.  He seemed a polite enough young guy but I felt uncomfortable with him pushing the boundaries.  I find someone doing this politely very hard to deal with.

What do other ladies do in these situations?

Don't know what you mean? Do you mean he wanted to do a show on cam whilst having sex with you? During the booking.
In that case, what an idiot!

With regards to assertiveness - I used to be the way you describe - very reluctant to enforce boundaries and unsure of what to say. I have recently started putting on what I call the "autopilot customer service voiceover" - as soon as I detect any boundary-pushing I will detach from the situation so as not to become emotional or nervous etc, and then explain in a calm measured tone what will and won't be happening. Be sure to sound fair and "customer-service like" at all times. Just repeat for example "Sorry I don't feel comfortable with a live sex show. You cannot have money back because you booked for 2 hours which I have set aside for you and turned down other bookings" (add in a little "but we can have some other sexy fun" maybe to sweeten it a bit but remain within boundaries) If he replies in the negative just repeat like a robot "I'm sorry you feel that way but.... (repeat above phrase)" I'd only give money back if he threatened violence and I did not have security nearby.

The one thing that really bugs me is the failure to read my profile correctly and then asking for things that i don't say I do. Or ringing me from a withheld number and then getting shirty  because don't answer and calling me rude.


I had one guy who did just that today. Called on withheld number repeatedly. So, naturally I don't answer. Then I get repeated text messages and then  a rude  email on AW. Grrrrr!!!!!!!!!


My AW profile clearly says that such methods of communication will be ignored and bookings can't be made this way as does my website.

Really, punters, you should have gone to specsavers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't know what you mean? Do you mean he wanted to do a show on cam whilst having sex with you? During the booking.
In that case, what an idiot!

With regards to assertiveness - I used to be the way you describe - very reluctant to enforce boundaries and unsure of what to say. I have recently started putting on what I call the "autopilot customer service voiceover" - as soon as I detect any boundary-pushing I will detach from the situation so as not to become emotional or nervous etc, and then explain in a calm measured tone what will and won't be happening. Be sure to sound fair and "customer-service like" at all times. Just repeat for example "Sorry I don't feel comfortable with a live sex show. You cannot have money back because you booked for 2 hours which I have set aside for you and turned down other bookings" (add in a little "but we can have some other sexy fun" maybe to sweeten it a bit but remain within boundaries) If he replies in the negative just repeat like a robot "I'm sorry you feel that way but.... (repeat above phrase)" I'd only give money back if he threatened violence and I did not have security nearby.

He asked for it during the cam show and I said no; then we had an actual booking and he asked again - I did say a couple of times.....I'm not comfortable with that and I feel you are pressurising me"  He denied this and said he was just asking but it was definate big boundary pushing!  It was 10 mins after that he said how tired he was and could we do an hour (oh poor him!) 

I will have to try and do the autopilot thing!  I've half a mind to refuse 2 hour bookings if I see someone for the first time; or say either in my FAQs or in person at the start that theres no money back if you decide to leave early.

Has anyone else has this tempting offer?
I found it in my spam, so he must have sent it out to loads of people?
I thought the kisses were a nice touch...


On Sep 12, 2011, ********** <b********l@hotmail.com> wrote:
Hi,

I'm not intrested in sex...just fulfilling my oral fantasies...

Do you do facials...r u ok with playing with jizz and swallowing (this is a must)

Would like to c how u could take my cum fantasies to the next level

let me know pls asap...

xxx

He asked for it during the cam show and I said no; then we had an actual booking and he asked again - I did say a couple of times.....I'm not comfortable with that and I feel you are pressurising me"  He denied this and said he was just asking but it was definate big boundary pushing!  It was 10 mins after that he said how tired he was and could we do an hour (oh poor him!) 

I will have to try and do the autopilot thing!  I've half a mind to refuse 2 hour bookings if I see someone for the first time; or say either in my FAQs or in person at the start that theres no money back if you decide to leave early.

Yup, idiot boundary pushing definitely!!!

I actually did have a huge set of rules on my AW profile, and decided to try as an experiment taking them off to see if business increased when I did not sound so strict and scary. I don't think it made any difference. Although when I had "the rules" up I did get a lot of guys telling me they were relieved I am more friendly in person. and a few cheeky buggers suggesting I should sound more friendly on my ad and get more business (idiots!!! they should be a sex worker for a week then come back and tell me lol).

Tbh, I don't think many actually READ the profile , except - pictures first, then sexy blurb + services (maybe if you are lucky), then skip down to rates and your number or email. That's it.

Now I alternate - I sometimes copy-paste the scary sounding rules onto my profile, other times not. I find the best way is to just let them know NO WITHELD NUMBERS, NO INCESSANT TEXTING,  right beside the contact details so they will at least know the proper way to communicate with you and then just weed out the idiots via phone contact. Practise the auto-pilot smily- but - really firm boundary protecting regularly so if someone disrespectful does actually meet you in real life, you will know how to handle it. I vision a sort-of cocoon or wall around me  when a customer starts to try and push boundaries and just try to state what will be happening in a friendly but non-negotiable manner with good body language is essential (I used to SAY the words "no" but was too scared to use assertive body language so they just thought I was a pushover or joking/flirting)

It's a very fine line. I just got the hang of it properly the past few months after 4 years in the industry.  

camming....

Me: *doing the usual lazying about 

loser comes into my chat room and says: 'now heres a filthy slut' (full points for no text speak, zero points for polite introduction)

I use the 'kick permanently' button but hell what surprises me most is that his loser/user name is a full (! assume real) name and D.O.B. 

It's funny that wouldn't have bothered me...I quite embrace the names slut, whore and cunt. Yet I hate slag!

Quote from: sweet jane on 22 September 2011, 02:57:40 pm

camming....

Me: *doing the usual lazying about 

loser comes into my chat room and says: 'now heres a filthy slut' (full points for no text speak, zero points for polite introduction)

I use the 'kick permanently' button but hell what surprises me most is that his loser/user name is a full (! assume real) name and D.O.B. 

It's funny that wouldn't have bothered me...I quite embrace the names slut, whore and cunt. Yet I hate slag!

TOTALLY embracing the whole slut/whore/raging sexual monster   

It's more that 'hello mistress' is a signal that people are in the right place - I will chat back with most  - but text speak is a likely sign that im not gonna pick up any business....and there are a few dickheads out there who trawl about just wanting to be rude. Had the weirdo copy pasting some sort of 'bingedrinking' news story in last night and going on about how all 'our women' are slags.

Anybody fancy getting in a total strangers car and then working for free for three days in a foreign country? Me neither, funnily enough  .

Hahahaha what a dick!! 'I'm not paying any extra cos I'm paying for the trip' *bangs head against brick wall*