Some young guy who I have seen before but only once asked if I had some chat app which I don't. Then asked if I'd like a video of him wanking? I declined. He asked why not - I explained that I could see it in person when he arrived and paid. Funnily enough he never arrived. Barred! 

Switched my phone on this morning to see  two MASSIVE long texts from some guy I?ve never met. Basically asking to meet but going on and on and on about how he isn?t a timewaster etc how he has masturbated to my pictures......you get the general idea.
Somehow I can?t be arsed responding. I find the more they go on and on I can?t be arsed taking the booking.
All I want is them to book...pay and go!!!!

Honestly

I just remembered another one lol

Yesterday I was in s booking but when it was over I checked my phone and had missed calls/texts.

One guy I?ve had previous comms with and who cancelled last week sends this text....

?You have been sent this text by (shows number) asking them to call them back as they are out of credit (Normal charges apply)?

Now if they have run out of credit and can?t be arsed topping up how can they afford to be making bookings lol

o god i hate them asking me to call them first as well! the other day i got

"hey, you can contact me on XXXXXXXX"
 
literally nothing else, what the hell am i supposed to do with that?

Yesterday caller
Hi can you tell me what you do ?
I just cut the caller off
It it just me or are you ladies also turned off by sheer stupidity ?. It certainly dosnt get a booking .

I've replied with 'I fuck guys like you for money' that normally leaves them a bit quiet!

Text last night while I was out:

'I want to start by saying you are a  beautiful woman and extremely sexy! I saw your number online.
My name is David. I've never done this type of thing before! I'm having a big celebration tonight (short version I'm going to be in a movie with Chris pine and get a speaking part!) and my casual sex friend has fallen asleep. i'm a handsome 6ft blonde 33 year old with an 8 inch cock (plus two grams of cocaine and some high grade cannabis i would happily share, or leave behind if you don't like that sort of thing) I'd like to offer ?140 for 45 mins or so of your company. (possibly longer if we enjoy each other!) We only need to have sex if you are genuinely attracted to me - Im am extremely laid back stoner musician who would do exactly what you ask and leave the second you tell me to! I live in the south side of Glasgow also. What do you think? I won't be at all offended if you tell me to piss off or don't reply..
Call me if you want, I think we could have a great time together!
David x'

Okay pal.

OMG girl how were your knickers not already on the floor at the thought of such a brush with fame?!
 

hahaha wow he's a STAR 

Ah yes cause Hollywood is just crying out for stoner musicians from Glasgow 

Shame he can't be in a silent movie !!!

Via AW

Him: U ever met anyone who cum so thick its stuck tits together like down cleavage xx caused tits 2 like glue together cos so sticky and thick x
Me: No, and I wouldn?t want to either. Enjoy the wank.
Him: Well you prob had few loads on tits with ur job

No shit Sherlock. Although I don?t think he realises I?m flat chested, there?s nothing there to stick together