Haha anyone want this one?

'Hi hope you are well, I'm an electrician and all round handy man if you have anything that needs doing I can do parts included to swap for a session with you x'

Got a leak and a broken window but my landlord has already got someone booked to do it, ah what a shame!

Got another 'couple' booking, he was happy to give me her number to talk to her but I wasnt allowed to tell her about him seeing me for 15mins to 'see if I was alright' because it might upset her? Why would she be happy for me to see them together? Why not let -her-book me for 15mins to 'try me out'?

Put myself as seeing men only from now on. Bloody 'couple bookings' 

Pointless email:

Hi Hun how?s you ? Could I possibly ask you a cheeky question ?

Needless to say it didn't get a response

Another from the pointless one-liners brigade. An email (not on AW):

"Subject: Call

Sent from my iPhone"

So many details it was exhausting reading everything. Oh, notice the lack of a phone number on the email haha

First time ever in an area obviously the TWs are out in force...latest one...

Moron: So I saw you on AW and wondered what your prices were?

Me: They are on my profile, pretty obvious really

Moron: I was just checking they are the same (eh    )

Me: Oh I see yes they are.

Moron: So do you do any Special Requests?

Me: What do you mean Special Requests, what's on my profile is what I offer ( losing patience now)

Moron: Well do you do Requests like 15 minute booking requests?

Me: What does it say on my Profile (enjoying myself now - have never offered this)

Moron: Yes I know but I was still just checking whether you did Special Requests like that.

Me: No I don't and I don't think I'm what you're looking for, goodbye (More importantly he's not what I'm looking for in a client...)

Idiot Hey (my working name) no need for white men only. A black gentle man like myself can book and fuk you toi.

(Yeah if I wanted to see clients from my own race I would have mentioned I see men from all shades of the rainbow. You right there fool is one of the many reason I don't see my own brothers. ) 

First phone call this morning:

Him: Hi
Me: Hi, how are you?
Him: How much?
Me: ?uh, for how long?
Him: an hour
Me: [my rate]
Him: What services?

I hung up. Normally I would've gone over it, but I'm just not in the mood today! I don't spend money on advertising and list all my services on my website/AW/VS/BP for fun!

Also by text last night:

Me: Hi, sorry I missed your call, please call back at your convenience
Him: Can I lick your beauitiful pussy
Him: And do you do oral without condom okay
Me: No I don't. I make this clear on my adverts.
Him: Okay so oral with and straight sex
Me: Yes, and receiving oral
Him: How about licking the pussy nicely
Me: Sure. Would you like to book?
Him: How about in my house at Heathrow
Me: I'm not doing out calls in this area.
Him: Okay I  have the money for 2hours but I am a black gentle man and I have a big dick and long but but I know how to fuck nicely and licking the pussy nicely and smoothly .is it okay
Me: Sorry, I'm only offering incall bookings of up to 1hr (bit of a fib but I hate RO and didn't feel like handling a "big dick" for two hours)
Him: Okay 1hour but as I told you please okay for you? Big dick but and smooth
Me: Yes, no problem. What is your name and what time would you like to come along?
Him: Okay first of all what nationality are you and which size are the breasts and bums
Me: *block number*

Wasted ?1.40 on that little debacle. My measurements and photos are on my advert! Why didn't he ask upfront before going through the palava of trying to book? 

Him:Hi how are you?
Me:Fine thanks and you?
Him:Yeah good thanks are you alright to have a chat?
Me:Yes
Him:Are you sure it's a good time to chat?
Me:Yes it's fine
Him:So how are you?
Me:(Eyes glazing over)Fine as I said earlier!
Him:So how old are you?
Me:(Sighing quietly)It tells you that on my profile.
Him:Oh er you have lovely photos
Me:Thanks
Him:You have a nice body is it ok to say that?
Me:Yes.Look is there something I can help you with?Are you making a booking enquiry?
Him:Er I wanted a chat...
Me:We've had a chat what other sort of chat did you want?
Him:A sexy one is that ok?
Me:When I charge 100 an hour for my time do you think I'll say it's ok for you to have a free sex chat with me?
Him:Er er
Me:Feck off Assclown!!