I get that all the time MH I just text back with the postcode for the local police station.  It always makes me giggle 

Seen a client ages ago who I've noted in my phone as being a bit plummy/posh and offered his opinion too much, he's got back in touch for a booking.
Him: Been a while since I saw you so I need to ask, have you had a recent check sweetheart? No cold sores our other contagious things?
Me: Nope never had any cold sores, health check all fine x
Him:Great looking forward to catching up. Sorry I know you're meant to be just a fuck but I like your company.
Me: Haha well people book escorts for all sorts of reasons x
Him: Radio 4 right now
Me: ?
Him: Will be on iplayer, would love to hear your opinion. A program I think you'd be interested in "Sugar Daddy, Sugar Baby", wow BBC an enlightened view - what happened?

Ughhh go away! I hate when clients assume because I'm an escort I'm interested in every documentary about sex work from phone sex to strippers to sugar babies I've never felt those documentaries offer any more truth than Secret Diary of a Call Girl.
This is the sort of client who texts me about his hard-on randomly.

OMG Amber! I think you're a saint...
or a master social manipulator.
I wouldn't let a client talk to me like that!
....anyone actually

Just had a bloke ring and ask for a trio with me and a couple of friends but can we pick him up at the train station in case he gets lost. He's coming from London. I dare say if he has managed to get to Leeds from London then he can find his way in a taxi to my apartment.I've had this a few times guys wanting to be picked up...I don't drive but beyond that do they ask their G.P or hairdresser to pick them up for an appointment?!?

Ive just had an email through AW

Can you do incall and pick me up

Now does he mean can I collect him and bring him to my place or does he mean can I lift him off the floor? I've had a text from one twat recently telling me hes 11 stone and wanting to know if I could lift him up and hold him over my head... Both are no but jeezz some men are weird.

I've had this stupidity before as well-
Numpty- I cant afford an outcall, could I please have an incall?
Me- sure
Numpty- Great. Could you pick me up from Halifax centre and drop me off after?
Me- So rather than me come to you for an outcall you'd prefer me to drive am hour round trip to pick you up, see you for a 30 min incall which is ?40 less than an outcall then drive another hour round trip to drop you off??
Numpty- yes please. What time will you be picking me up?

Wow. Just wow.

Today's charmer:

SUBJECT: Lets fuck big girl

Hello gorgeous, J***, 18 from Newcastle here, want you to bounce on my hard cock and to spunk all over your big fat belly, you in Newcastle any time soon? xxx

Don't y'all be jealous now, ladies.

Phone call last night,
 Him, Gives your address,
Me, why?
Him, well where about are you then.
Me, 'location.
Him, ok I'll come at five.
Me, no you won't.

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the sun is bringing out the idiots in droves...People turning up at what they think is near my location saying I am waiting here until I get an appointment, lol, oh your blocked idiot

Second one just now:

Where are you based, I mention a place, no I dont know that place he replies, can you tell me anywere closer or that I would know, errrr no I cant as that is the nearest place to me................

Then he gets ratty with me, so fuck this for a game of spoons, of ya go too..Now he is ringing from a private number, jeez they really think I am daft