What an invitation... shall I bring my own rope and shovel!! 

This made me smile! I read an article yesterday on t'interwebz that said it's quite common for HGV drivers to get calls to their lorry, I was highly sceptical...

Got this the other day....

I'm a bloke. Not a typical one mind. But alas a bloke... A single and rarely free and going without bloke!

I'm free as soon as really. Would like to send you a face pic and tattoo pic if you want, but wanna try with someone who kinda looks at me and goes... "yeah.. Your fit so itllmake it even better for us"
Waffle over.. Soon as basically as you sound and look fab yoooooooo luss xx

I replied saying that I don't need photos and looks make no difference to the service I provide. I got this back....

Ok, Well on a purely vibe and personality level then... It's not really working is it.

  lol no it's not working mate

And here it is......

I require your remarks/opinion , as you are an escort, a mature women and also well experienced which makes you most suitable for providing a remark/opinion.

I?ve a small penis syndrome, it is exceptionally tiny. It would be a great favor on me if you could kindly view the pics of my general area in my profile, the pics are of ERECTED penis, and then if you kindly could make your HONEST and TRUE remarks. I?m specifically concerned with penetrative sex and how the women feels doing it with me. So while making remarks assume if YOU are doing it, whether would you feel penis inside u, feel it touching the right places in vagina, feel it humping in vagina OR wont feel it inside u. As most say sex is all about clit stimulation, but as per the info I?ve gathered over net, it says penetration is also equally pleasurable for women when her vaginal walls are rubbed by penis as she has most nerve endings in vagina AND also that she also enjoys the penis cumming inside her. So in brief if you kindly tell as to what would you feel.

Your remarks will help me a lot, as to generally understand my potential and as well as to what extend a women would get pleasured with my penis size, to what extend would she get turned off. So please be honest, no matter how harsh you think your remark is.

Much much thanks for your time and for sincere and honest remarks. Love xxx
 
I have a feeling that many of you ladies have heard from him too!!

yes had that one to day and to be honest had a few days of tw and twerps so wasnt in best of moods so i may have suggested he buy a strap on

oppppppps

Definitely familiar! 

Hi foliks, if this isn't the work of a fantasist then I don't know what is.  Just wondering if any other ladies in the East mids have had the pleasure of reading this ridiculous email, lol? 



Hi, how are you today?
 
Being honest with you I am a little nervous as I write this email to you, I have not had the best of luck with girls lately so I thought I'd contact you to see if you fancied meeting up for some fun?
 
To be honest with you a girl in boots really turns me on so my idea would be to meet you wearing a sexy short skirt and some boots, and maybe allow me to take you shopping and buy you a new pair. Then I can watch you in a few shops taking off the boots you arrive in and trying on a few other pairs before choosing which you'd like, followed by a nice lunch somewhere?
 
I also have a fantasy, you may find strange, but what the hell, here goes, I drive a white 2010 BMW 330i, after lunch, I'd like to drive to my friends farm, and then let you drive my car. My idea would be for you to drive us out into one of his many fields away from it all and get my BMW stuck in the mud, while I watch?
 
Yes this may well be a strange request, but the thought of watching you in a short skirt and boots, in the drivers seat of my BMW, pushing the accelerator hard, switching gears, making the rear wheels spin like crazy in the mud while you try to get it unstuck would be a huge turn on What do you think? Is this too weird for you?
 
Could I ask you what car you drove yourself? Have you ever gotten stuck in the mud or snow before?
 
If you were worried how we'd get the car free again, do not worry, my friend would pull us out with is tractor, you could even have a go if you wanted too?
 
So it ws nice to meet you, I look forward to your response, and I can how relax a little more and await your reply.
 
Many thanks,
 
Lee


Also the 1st line of the second paragraph leads one to believe that he'll be turning up in a short skirt and heels, pmsl by the way he's worded it.

Perhaps I should just reply and say, sorry pal but I don't drive, lol

What a fool

for sure.  I wonder if he really has a farmer friend and is just a rich, bored guy that has nothing better to do than send emails like that hoping some green escort lady is going to help him fuel/get off on his fantasy...hmmm