Both on the same day...

Me- Hello how can I help you
A bloke- Are you free
Me- What day and what time?
A bloke- I guess that's a 'no' then



Bananahead-I'd like to make a booking
Me- Where are you?
Bananahead-Close by
Me- Where?
Bananahead-Heathrow
Me- That's over an hour away not close
Bananahead- It is to me
Me- It isn't to me
Bananahead-I think it's relatively close
......blah repeat blah I expect him to laugh and say its a windup....
Bananahead-Is it in the congestion zone because I don't want to pay that?
Me-Your paying a three figure sum how come the congestion charge is an issue?
Bananahead-Would you want to pay £12.50 if you can avoid it?
Me-Not if I was going to have a good fuck at the end of it.
Bananahead- congestion is a lot of money and I've got to register the car for it
Me-Why don't you walk to one of your local whores ? Then you can save your money?
Bananahead- (Pause) ...Because you sound English

Turns into enlightening lecture on greater London car policy so booking denied.

*googles congestion zones & London car policies bc naturally I'm clueless, being stateside.*

And who the hell is going to fuss about 12 pounds sterling? That's just STUPID.

*googles congestion zones & London car policies bc naturally I'm clueless, being stateside.*

And who the hell is going to fuss about 12 pounds sterling? That's just STUPID.

I used to have the odd guy asking if there was free parking near me in Leeds City Centre...a rather stupid question if you know anything about most city centres in Britian let alone the world, I presume. When I told them no, they would ask how much it was and when I told them roughly £2.50 for an hour they would decide to not bother booking!I used to laugh and say "So, you want to pay £100 for a fuck but you can't find £2.50 for parking?" And hang up laughing!

This was hard to say no too but I just managed 

Coke head - are you available today
Me - I am love, but not till after 4.30 now
Coke head - lovely, I’ve got a couple of requests, I want sloppy french kissing and leather outfits x I want a long booking and can I bring some drinks and cocaine with me x
Me — ah no sorry, I don’t see anyone who’s been drinking Or taken anything
Coke head - you sure darling, I’ve got £1400 here for you

After checking him on the app seen he has a warning against him for being on drugs and refusing to pay

What app?

I try to avoid giving straight answers to rude, bossy guys. Instead i pump them.for information.for my market research.

Bumwipe- Where are you?
Me- Where are you?
Bumwipe- Why?
Me- I'll give you directions
Bumwipe- LOOK!.... ALL I WANT FROM YOU is where you ARE
Me- c l i c k

Said with all the charm of a guy who's been poked in the ribs while standing in a crowded pub and dropped his tray of drinks

I had a new one today!

Client - I have just checked and the train tickets are £65 from my hometown to yours. Can I have a discount over the two hours?

Me -  No repsone lol

Of course the correct response would've been, "Who's putting a gun barrel to your head for you to come 2 hours to see me? Find someone closer, you knob."

Why do they think they deserve a discount? *scowl* It's their goddamn idea to come see you in the 1st place (I'm pretty sure you didn't go thru the phone book & pick him out at random. Maybe you did🤷🏼‍♀️).

I have also got one current stalker who I saw a couple of years back, blocked and suddenly he is reappearing..

Just like magic!

And apparently, if I start seeing him every week I will no longer need to escort

 

Hi Darling can I come and lick your beautiful pussy?

"Sure, and hey, I will pay YOU for the very great honour!"