random -I'd like to book deepthroat
me - OK
random But can you really do it?
me -I wouldn't agree if I couldn't
random- I've been mislead by lots of girls blah blah bleat bleaty bleat bleat
me - Ok...so what happens if I'm unable to do it? (already lost interest and plotting pork-crackling-apple sandwich for lunch hmmmm)
random - This is a verbal business contract and I will write a negative review
me - Well it's my favourite thing and I love doing it but on this occassion I think I'll decline

Bleaty bleat bleat  sandwich  you made my day love!

“Is the location real?”

Nope, I have ads just for laughs 

I had a right one today who 'doesn't use bathrooms in places like this' - my bathroom is bleached top to bottom a couple of times a week!

If he thinks a girl isn't enjoying it he makes her do doggy and does it 'really hard so it hurts her'

He read my blog where i was explaining my first booking and how because of the nerves i forgot to take the payment and the client reminded me at the end. he told me 'he wouldn't remind me and have the shag for free'

Absolute charmer!   

Text.  hi I saw your add
I'm still holding my breath for the follow up on that message!!

l

I get loads of those texts too 

I had a guy call, which I missed, so i attempted to call him back, had no answer. (no problem)
10-15 minutes later he calls back....

Him 'who's this? you called me?'
Me 'I was just returning your call hun'
Him 'I haven't called you, this number isn't in my log'
Me 'ok my phone must be playing games, telling me i've missed a call when i really haven't!'
Him what's your name? is it..... (4-5 different names)
Me ok bubye

Text Sorry Victoria I did try to call, I just saw the number, are you working now? xx
BLOCKED

Earlier this week in Waterloo:

Caller: Are you full English?
Me: What?
Caller: Are you full English?
Me: Like bacon and egg?
Caller: No, what is your background, are you fully English?
Me: My 'background' is none of your fucking business, but as it happens I was born in Scotland and my family are Irish with some Welsh, and some French. You literally couldn't have asked anybody less English.
Caller: Oh. I see.
Me: Good for you. Now fuck off.

*Newbies reading, this is definitely the wrong thing to do even when I do it '

What, you mean your 23andMe full DNA profile isn't displayed on your website?! 

My ex is as Cockney as they come, but hasn't got a drop of English blood in him.

Phone me be demanding, refuse to provide an address for outcall, refuse my screening requirements (deposit), call me baby.

Texted me this morning asking for cost, gave a time but still no address

Once again says can't pay a deposit but offers to let me check out his feedback on AW, then says he can drop the money off a a friend's in the town where he wants the outcall (40 minute drive).

Phones me at the time he sent this morning to ask why I'm not with him, says we had a booking arranged 'I told you Xpm why aren't you here?'

I don't have an address, and he told me he couldn't pay the deposit.

I now have a booking with a pleasant regular.

Continually moaning, and asking 'baby what can I do?' as if somehow it's my fault.

Do I have any friends I can recommend?

Not likely even if I did he's aggressive and demanding and unreasonable.