SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: AnimalLover on 13 October 2018, 02:26:37 am
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Just wondering how you ladies protect your feelings in this job if you ever feel like you may like a client?
So, I have been very naive and dumb and I have promised to myself that I will never EVER make this mistake again.
I met a client who I liked. Saw him at an outcall. Then saw him on tour in an incall location. He bought me a gorgeous necklace. Then he drove me to my new tour location, we had lunch together and chilled together on his birthday. Then he saw me the next morning and he drove me to my next tour location, lunch again, relaxing again then I went to my hotel. Saw him for the last time in my hotel tonight for a good few hours. Got paid some but not as much as I would normally charge, but I didn't ask for the regular rate for the third time. But had a very good time. He told me he loved me the second time and I was like what? Don't say that. Then again the third time during sex lol. I'm not that dumb as I've been in love and fully realise that you cannot fall in love that fast. I should have realised STRAIGHT away from this that he was playing me and just being manipulative as he did even admit to me he is manipulative as a businessman.
He is a highflying businessman and has only ever been with rich women and basically said today, he would only be with me if I was out of this job. Well that won't be happening for a good while and I feel so fricking stupid for just spending so much time with him and allowing my lust (which I have never done before) to get the better of me. He said he would text when he gets home but of course he didn't and I know I will never hear from him again. I have now deleted both of his numbers as he gave me his personal and work number and I will never speak to him again. I also think I will sell the necklace as I don't want it anymore as it reminds me of him and how much bullshit he laid on me.
I realise now that 99.9% of the time, clients will never like us for who we are and I will never ever ever let my guard down with a client ever again, even if I think he might like me or I think I might like him.
I am just wondering how you ladies go about protecting your feelings and what you do when clients lay on bullshit like this? Do you just immediately cut them off?
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I think at some point we all encounter this type of client will try and play us or worse become emotionally attached.
I'm a hard bitch when it comes to this business. I have a few regulars who I offer a discount for various reasons. But ultimately this is my choice. They contact me, we discuss times and I say ok it will be X. As with any other punter, this is paid at the beginning. They also either tip me or bring me gifts, although two do both, and this is their decision. At the end of the day, it's just a business transaction.
Occasionally a new regular will appear and after 2 or 3 sessions he will start saying he can do x,y and z for me. Including picking me up and dropping me off. I turn down all of their offers as for me this is where lines get blurred. Some are cheeky fuckers and want a free fuck in exchange for a photo shoot, website, bills paid etc, again they get knocked back. The regulars I chose are not boundary pushers basically.
It's all about retaining the power and control of the business transaction. I cannot walk into Tesco and say ok I want this trolley of food and in return, I will redesign your bags, they would rightfully tell me to get stuffed and either leave or pay for the goods.
The emotionally attached ones. Remember we are playing a role of the girlfriend and sometimes it can seem a bit too convincing when we spend a lot of time with them. Sometimes our skills can be too realistic for that person, if it happens too often with punters, then you have to assess what you are doing during that performance to lead them on like this.
For me, when it starts to go in the direction of them becoming attached I am very clear that nothing can happen because it's just a business deal and that although I am providing the gfe it doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them. It's just a role I am playing because that's what you are paying for. The last one who did this, it's been around 2 months since we had that chat. I didn't hear from him for ages until he contacted me and basically, he is still hung up on me, so I will not book him yet.
I'm very good at turning off my emotions because it's just a job at the end of the day, and if I was on the till at Tesco, I wouldn't be attached to the customer so why would I be in this job. Like I said I am a hard bitch. I know his motive isn't because he's actually interested in me, he's looking out for his own needs of saving cash, And like I said, I tell them it's just business and I'm not interested. The last one he backed off, the one before that did contact me lot afterwards and I just ignored him after explaining again I wasn't interested.
And honestly, the other reason is simply I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who was a punter because how would you explain it to his family etc about how you met - yea I found her on AdultWork, booked her, fucked her, left a review, and booked her again and again until we got together. And it would be at the back of my mind that he's still on AW booking escorts.
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Despite being asked a hundred times by a hundred clients will I meet for coffee or go the the theatre off the books or whatever, my answer has always without fail been no thank you. They can be as good looking as Idris Elba or as sexy as Idris Elba or as charming as Idris Elba ;D and my answer will always be no ta.
Saves a hell of a lot of bother.
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Hiya OP,
I believe your first mistake was spending personal time with him, that's when he thought "aha! she's fallen for big ol' me". His big ego just wanted to know you would fuck him for free. But he's probably freaked out by the scary possibility of falling for a prostitute. Stuff like the double morality of not wanting you to be hooker while using their services. Me thinks this man has issues and a relationship with him was never going to work out. See the whole experience as a dodged bullet and a learnt lesson.
Yes, we all bump into "Mr charming" at some point and you do need to protect your feelings a lot in this business. What just happened to you explains "why" :-)
xx ana
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Business and personal life are always best kept separate. That doesn't mean you can't be friendly, it's all about respect for yourself and other clients.
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Most of us have been there at some point and yes some women have ended up with ex-clients as long term partners in healthy relationships but really it is better to keep things totally separate and not fall for any of their charms!
My theory is, if you do have a good paying client who might be a potential boyfriend then you stop the exchanging of money and having sex for a bit. You'll soon work out of it's just sex he wants from you and also how much you miss being paid for his company!
You have to get a bit cynical in this job I'm afraid!
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Most of us have been there at some point and yes some women have ended up with ex-clients as long term partners in healthy relationships...
Yes, but a) it's rare, and b) it certainly didn't happen after 2 or 3 appointments.
Let's separate "lust" from "love" here. "Lust" is what you feel after 2 bookings with mr charming and "love" is something that takes time to develop. When we get involved with someone we're on our best behaviour, it's called "promotion time", we tend to idealize that person because we're only seeing one side to him (this happens on both sides). it takes a while to get to know someone, his good side and bad side, it involves spending time with the person out of the "punter-WG" scenario where we're both actors playing a role. The few long term healthy relationships I've personally known in this business between punter and wg took time and many bookings to develop, there was a lot of negotiation involved on both sides and getting to know each others families. I've also seen women leave the business to get into abusive relationship with clients/ex clients that went awry (but this of course happens in civvie life too).
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Thank you for all of your advice ladies. I haven't felt like this for a while about someone but at the end of the day, it's just not realistic as we are in completely separate stages of our life.
He's a successful rich businessman who can do anything he wants. I'm trying to gain something for myself through hard work, but that will never compare to the success that he has.
He did contact me but I can't keep going there when it is just going to hurt me. I think the best thing to do now is withdraw, really focus on myself and get over him.
He has suggested a date to meet in the future but in reality I doubt that will ever happen and I'm just a lowly escort and it just won't work unfortunately.
I have definitely learnt a hard life lesson this week and that is to keep feelings and business completely separate as he goes for rich, successful women who can do anything they want. I'm nothing like that and never will be. I liked him because I was the first escort he had used (obviously lots of other reasons also) but we are just in completely different stages of out life and I would never be like him or be good enough for him in reality.
Thanks for the help, I appreciate all of your advice. Time to focus on myself I guess.
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I'm nothing like that and never will be. I liked him because I was the first escort he had used (obviously lots of other reasons also) but we are just in completely different stages of out life and I would never be like him or be good enough for him in reality.
This is your self esteem playing games on you hun. Slap that little biatch because you're worth a million pounds.
He says you're the first escort (I don't believe that for a minute but that's ok). He claims to date "rich women" yet he musn't be that happy because he's paying for intimacy with er... "poor women". You claim he's rich & succesful but how did he became so rich? maybe his daddy paid for an ivy league education? Maybe his ex-father in law made him business partner in a company with off shore account? Is that your case? meaning: did you had the same oportunities he had? Most of the fortunes come from dodgy dealings so god knows how this guy made his. Stop berating yourself saying "he's too good for you". No he's not, the contrary is more like it.
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First thing I would do is take the necklace to a pawn shop and see if it’s real / worth anything 😂
A friend of mine was in a similar situation but over a slightly longer period
Guy bought her a Rolex Watch for her birthday. Made a big deal about it, how he wanted her to have something because she was worth it
She took it to a pawn shop to get it valued and it was a fake . A very good one but a fake 😂
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Just to add another thing here after re-reading the first post.
If any man in any circumstances told me he has only dated rich women I would turn around and retreat from his presence.
He may have been simply stating a fact but it smells of pretentiousness to me and that is a trait I don't tolerate in anyone.
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First thing I would do is take the necklace to a pawn shop and see if it’s real / worth anything 😂
A friend of mine was in a similar situation but over a slightly longer period
Guy bought her a Rolex Watch for her birthday. Made a big deal about it, how he wanted her to have something because she was worth it
She took it to a pawn shop to get it valued and it was a fake . A very good one but a fake 😂
This sums up everything.
I would say in this line of work, just like the watch, it is all fake.
Learn to say and use the word "NO"
Move on, keep yourself busy and let these twats move on to someone else!
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This is your self esteem playing games on you hun. Slap that little biatch because you're worth a million pounds.
He says you're the first escort (I don't believe that for a minute but that's ok). He claims to date "rich women" yet he musn't be that happy because he's paying for intimacy with er... "poor women". You claim he's rich & succesful but how did he became so rich? maybe his daddy paid for an ivy league education? Maybe his ex-father in law made him business partner in a company with off shore account? Is that your case? meaning: did you had the same oportunities he had? Most of the fortunes come from dodgy dealings so god knows how this guy made his. Stop berating yourself saying "he's too good for you". No he's not, the contrary is more like it.
Thank you so much for this, I really needed to hear this. You are right. I shall not mix business and pleasure again.
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Thank you so much for this, I really needed to hear this. You are right. I shall not mix business and pleasure again.
There's nothing wrong with mixing business and pleasure, having a client who you like and enjoy your time with is great fun and one of the bonuses of this job, however... keep your boundaries tight, your head cold and never loose perspective. Be careful and not let yourself "carried away". keep in mind you're running a business, not a charity :-)
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That is very true, you seem very wise Ana, thank you so much for helping me to restore my self confidence in myself. I will definitely have clear boundaries going forward. Touring helps me with this, as even if someone does get attached, I will be gone in two or three days and won't be back for a good while so they can't get too clingy! I am too nice sometimes in this job but am learning to be strict and have very clear boundaries. But what you said was exactly what I needed to hear, I didn't have the same childhood or opportunities as most of the men who pay me, but that doesn't mean I am any less of a person so thank you once again.
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It happens, just try to shrug it off and don't engage with him anymore.
I'm luckily very good at separating emotion from sex, perhaps even to my detriment. Certainly let a client treat you, gift you things, but always remember that at the end of the day it is a financial relationship. Don't listen to anything else they spout. I've been told by more than a few clients that they are in love with me, I just remind them of what the relationship is. And when I've gotten sweet on a client, I've told them I can't see them anymore. Try to be brutal, hard as it may be, otherwise you run the risk of being emotionally battered black and blue.
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If anyone wants to spend time with me, I offer them my social rates, so they know where I stand on it 100%... my time needs paid for.
As for the necklace, maybe keep it as a reminder of all the things not to do again :) wear it out to social meets with clients, every time you look at it you'll know your now doing things the right way :)
I've personally never encountered this but I can be ruthless lol. :P
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Men are more likely to be successful in life because they are less emotional, in terms of how they act and react to things
or... because of systemic patriarchy and deeply ingrained societal privilege?
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or... because of systemic patriarchy and deeply ingrained societal privilege?
;D.
And there was me trying desperately hard to forget I'd ever seen that. Unless of course, it actually is 1952.
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or... because of systemic patriarchy and deeply ingrained societal privilege?
I agree with this. Anyway, thank you for all of your help and advice. I have a much clearer head now. I do not usually get feelings like this (I have had so many people ask for free time or proposition me to be something more), two more recently and I understand that it is all about boundaries. Usually, I can't be bothered spending any more time with them anyway and just smile sweetly when they suggest such a thing.
It's all just about clear boundaries at the end of the day and the realisation that they are a client and nothing more.
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Separate Escort and Client
Escort needs to protect feelings and charge for time
Client needs to spend time with Escort as often as possible, best way to do that is get free time or reduced fee.
Its a game for both sides.
Feelings can not be switched off but how much of you is real when you are Escorting.
I liked someone but he wanted free time/reduced fee he didnt get it he never came back for full fee.
It is not about being hard hearted it is about being real not conned.
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LOL feelings, what are they?!
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LOL feelings, what are they?!
Ditto! I have found that this job has turned me into a hard faced bitch and now I get what “selling your soul” means because for ages I wondered what exactly this meant!
I was worse when I worked in the brothel but that’s because you have so many different personalities around and there was lots of backstabbing with girls to the boss but I blame the boss for encouraging that sort of thing.
I feel like my soul is coming back now that I work for myself.
I know women who have been in this industry for 30 years and they have no empathy and no respect for marriage or relationships, which is understandable of course but it’s not always nice to hear people talking negatively of people’s relationships all the time.
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I think, with me, I've never been one for feelings which has made relationships difficult in the past. That's why this job suits me because I don't have to put a face or an act on. I'm always me in bookings.. The thing is no one should have the power to make you feel anything you don't want to. I don't need men to validate me as a person. I know I'm awesome thanks! Anything a punter says to me good or bad, goes in one ear and out the other :)
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I just turn the emotional thermostat to zero & that’s that. Unfortunately it’s bled over into my personal life & I'm wondering if I can ever feel anything but suspicion & jade-ism...is that a word? It is now, for every guy I meet.
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I just turn the emotional thermostat to zero & that’s that. Unfortunately it’s bled over into my personal life & I'm wondering if I can ever feel anything but suspicion & jade-ism...is that a word? It is now, for every guy I meet.
Same here! I am beginning to have zero empathy for people and I feel like I have turned into a person that I never used to be! Don’t get me wrong I loathe anything bad being done to animals but with humans I couldn’t really care unless it’s a child, I hate that part of me but I can’t help it 😢😢
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I think we learn to detach better over time. I remember in the first couple of years I fell for a client but as I have done this job for nearly 8 years I seldom get carried away. I hate commitment anyway and this job has enabled me to get attention sex and money without the hassle of commitment.
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Same here! I am beginning to have zero empathy for people and I feel like I have turned into a person that I never used to be! Don’t get me wrong I loathe anything bad being done to animals but with humans I couldn’t really care unless it’s a child, I hate that part of me but I can’t help it 😢😢
Same here and have been like that for years. I love animals so, so much and am distraught if anything happens to them but people? Nah. Nothing, nada. Can't stand them.
Maybe in my next life I'll be a serial killer :D
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I would agree I had parents who didn’t care if I was dead or alive growing up so when these clients think they can fuck with me I’m like hunni you are nothing compared to what I had to deal with in the past. I learned to separate from trauma at a young age and it’s enabled me to do this job with ease.
The one thing I think now that I can’t seem to shake is that men are so weak because they are ruled by sex. Just everything is about sex all the time for them, it must be so exhausting. This makes me pity them. I could never have one snoring next to me or tell me what I can spend my money on. This job has made me very cynical on relationships in general.
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The one thing I think now that I can’t seem to shake is that men are so weak because they are ruled by sex.
Can we please take the sweeping sexist generalisations down a notch? It's hardly earthshattering news that people who sell sex to men are going to encounter a lot of men to whom it's important enough to pay for, is it - the rest which make up the vast majority won't be visiting prostitutes. That doesn't mean they don't exist :).
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I protect my feelings being in charge not in a bossy way with the attitude that I own this.
If a client has a chip on his shoulder pushing out on to me I don't see again.
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Not a problem for me as I can probably count on the fingers of one hand how many clients I have actually fancied in the many years I've been doing this job and they are always attached so couldn't be available to suit me so a none starter.
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I have never had feelings for a client - its easy we have discipline over our emotions. I guard my personal life and never let my guard down. even if the money if big, don't be afraid to risk loosing them!
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I have never had feelings for a client - its easy we have discipline over our emotions. I guard my personal life and never let my guard down. even if the money if big, don't be afraid to risk loosing them!
Exactly! I always say that there will be another client that will come along to replace any we have to lose through their bad behaviours etc, so let’s not put up with any bullshit!
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I think it is just something you learn to do over a year or so. Perhaps in the beginning it is tempting but not after a while. I have been doing this for years now and don't get excited lol.
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My feelings don't come into it. It's a job, they are my clients.
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I never let cheeky comments slide and I’m always cheeky back, it’s the way I am and it’s also the way I protect myself, I’m not one to smile sweetly and change the subject, sometimes I think I want them to be cheeky so I can say something back! Not good but it’s just the way I’m feeling towards work just now.