SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: ana30 on 14 September 2020, 05:42:31 pm
-
Hi, sorry but this is a bit of a rant ???
So I've seen this client 3 times and so far so good. He did sent me a couple of text messages throught the weeks as in "Hi, how are you?" and expected me to engage but I didn't because 1) they were not going to lead to a booking and b) "how I am" is really none of his business. I don't engage in personal chit chat with clients between bookings as a way to keep boundaries. So he messages me yesterday inviting me for dinner because "he came to London for business and is alone, bored and I am so much fun", yet he doesn't want a booking, just to go out for dinner. I give him my rates for social. He gets completely outraged because I'm planning to charge him for a social outing and he's treating me for dinner. He says "I thought we got along". He doesn't understand that a) this is my job and b) he pays for "us to get along". This is a grown up man running his own successful business who doesn't seem to grasp reality. Needles to say the dinner didn't happen as I don't entertain clients for free. I don't want a client who doesn't understand boundaries so... good riddance, but I don't want to be rude to him.
How do you guys politely cut a client who doesn't understand boundaries? Do you have a specific script/etiquette you follow? thanks! ana
-
I don't think you can educate or reason with these type of clients! They'll just see any attempt to explain their inappropriateness as a win because you are engaging with them. Frustrating as it is I think you did exactly the right thing - ignoring the pointless "how are you" and politely giving him your social rates when he asked for a social meeting! What more can you do really. I don't think there is a script that magically enlightens them sadly!!
-
The problem is as most of these clients find us on adultwork it's set out mainly for full on sex acts and not advertised towards actual escorting so they think the escorting side is not paid for.
When i used to be on a couple of decent agencies that booked on time and no mention of how many sex acts in the hour i did get more clients that understood dinner dates are paid for. It was more you pay for my time and you probably get sex but things are different now and rather then escorting as such it's more sex worker now and only that.
I can see why this happens more now but i would just say i see clients on time and not on whether it's sex action or not.
The problem is so many of these men do not understand that we mainly only agree to see them for cash and cash only. Being honest there is probably only the very rare client that you would even consider going for dinner with if you was indeed going to.
-
I agree with Nelly. I have had clients thinking it's ok to ask me to come over or cook me dinner and so on for free because we got on and telling me I must me lonely and need the company!
I try the ignoring approach if it's just once. Often that works and they book again, if they really want to.
Guys that persistently ask to see me for free (but carry on booking as well) I will try and ignore initially and then just be honest saying I don't date clients, and I've been known to be very blunt about boundaries if I have to be. If that still doesn't work I become fully booked/ignore them till they get the message.
I have found often guys who act like this with me are inexperienced at seeing escorts and so behave in appropriately.
Your guy sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing however, hence the faux outrage of his response.
-
I had a cheeky bastard client once that i had seen 3 times 3rd time he tried under paying. He asked for a long evening booking after how many backwards and forwards texts and calls not giving me the info i wanted of how long he wanted. All he kept saying was will book into a nice hotel with a nice restaurant...i was like ok and how long?
Eventually he came out with i was hoping make a night of it i will buy you a nice dinner and drinks and have a nice room. So i said so basically as your not giving me an answer your expecting like 6hrs or so at a discount right? He then said well i was hoping for a small donation. I said cut to the chase, i knew i was not going to this ridiculous proposition.
So eventually the cheapskate said i thought if i pay for the hotel, dinner and drinks that will be enough.
So he wanted 6 or 7 hours for free and shagging back in the room for some dinner and drinks.
I said to him you must think i was born yesterday, i do this job for money and i can buy my own dinner and drinks out of work when i want. So then i said best you move on as not interested in continuing this coversation.
-
His greed's made it nasty for you.A good gig turned bad.
I agree with all, no script, I give rates and ignore & block if he's not willing to pay for socials. The fact that they ask for free means they're dead meat to me pretty immediately.
But I made I made one exception for a regular 2 hour international client as he needed to eat in the hotel when he checked in anyways.
The cost of the ridiculously lush, multi-course extravaganza far outweighed my social fee. This was a regular thing from then on better than a cheese sandwich at midnight and I wasn't going to cut off my nose to spite my face.
-
I had a client who after he had paid for a few one hour bookings then started trying to push for something more. The usual we get on so well let's go out for this and that no mention of payment. I start suggesting dating sites and he comes back with the "but I like you". i say i don't date clients. It doesn't occur to them that you might not like them. He was an older and very intelligent guy who really should have known better.
You are paid to be nice. I think I'm laid back and easy to get on with. They take this completely the wrong way. You can't say to them you find them physically repulsive and you would never go out with them. All you can say is "Sorry I don't want to go out with you".
I absolutely hate it when they think these sex sites are like hook up or dating sites.
I would never go out with a client. If I met a guy in real life I would check out of he ever used escorts or had done and drop him.
Paedophile
Murderer
Escort user.
Three things to check in new partner.
-
I would not date an escort user don’t know if that’s hypocritical
-
I would not date an escort user don’t know if that’s hypocritical
So it's ok to charge for sex but not ok to pay for it? ???
-
Pretty much what everyone’s said; but bc I'm kind of a bitch I always say, “Absolutely! That sounds great! My dinner date options are on my website, here’s the link, there’s a 3 or 4 hour choice at X or Z dollar amount. Which do you think you’d prefer?”
I rarely, rarely hear from them after that; the few I have that have expressed amazement I simply say I’m entirely too busy while I’m on tour to even think about taking time off. This is my job & I’m here to work. After that it’s radio 📻 silence from me.
-
She might have meant she just do not want to date someone who uses sex workers because so many cheat, so many get addicted to it being like a sweet shop and enjoy it too much and don't want to give it up if they get in a relationship.
The difference is most sex workers do it for the money only and a lot of men pay for it as they enjoy it a lot so there would be in back of your mind are they out booking still.
-
I would not date an escort user don’t know if that’s hypocritical
You see my mind set is a lot of the men that use escorts cannot be trusted. It's not about because they have paid for our services.
-
Deluded men are our bread and butter really, not many guys can accept your only sleeping them with for money, that’s basically what the main part of the job is, asides from the physical stuff then imo a sw job is to make the client think you enjoy having sex with them and it’s not about the cash, this is what I’m now having trouble with, I find if they are too deluded then I lose my shit and be too blunt, I think I’m just bored and fed up with this job atm and it’s time to either move on forever or take a year off!
-
So it's ok to charge for sex but not ok to pay for it? ???
It’s totally different, being paid for sex is how some of us pay rent, feed our kids, and without it some of us would starve, not pay rent etc etc, all I’ve mentioned is needed to stay alive, no man is going to die without sex, personally I wouldn’t give a guy a second glance in my personal life if he had ever paid for sex more than once (lots of men try it at age 18 out of curiosity but never do it again) because I don’t want a boyfriend that that has to pay for it, what a turn off! Most escorts I know feel the same and lots of men that pay for it wouldn’t want a girlfriend as a hooker and that’s acceptable and understandable too, hypocritical maybe but there is worse things to be than that! Also many men get addicted to paying for sex and that doesn’t necessarily stop when they get girlfriends and I would worry that he was going with escorts behind my back.
We’re all so different and that’s what I love about this site, it would be boring if we all agreed with one another.
-
You see my mind set is a lot of the men that use escorts cannot be trusted. It's not about because they have paid for our services.
It’s both for me, I think if we were all really honest then no women wants a man that pays for it and this includes sex workers, I don’t want any man in my personal life to think they have the right to purchase a women’s body, being paid by these men is okay as it’s work but I just couldn’t have a boyfriend that was a user of escorts, anyway the type of men I like in my personal life just aren’t the type to pay for it, some men just aren’t!
-
Going get shot down here.
I know there are many mean and horrible men who treat prostitutes as trash, who treat anyone as trash. However there are lots of reasons why a guy comes to see a prostitute, maybe he wants to play out a fantasy his partner is not keen on or he does not want to share it with her, secondly he might be lonely
if you treat your clients just as a business transaction how do you expect to be treated well?
I am also curious if you have met someone several times and they are nice to you how do you not build up a personal relationship with them also,
-
Re. a previous post, I wouldn't date an escort user either. I genuinely like a lot of the clients that I see on a personal level, as I find them funny, interesting and engaging and look forward to seeing them! But no, I don't respect their values (hypocrite that I am) and so wouldn't get into an intimate unpaid relationship with them. And I'm not under any illusions; my clients see me as a fun sexy girl who they enjoy spending time with, but wouldn't take home to mother. It's just how it works, I think it's possible to have fun on a surface level whilst acknowledging there's no profundity to it :D
-
I agree that they don't understand that our time is OURS. I got some joker today asking me to talk to him because 'he wanted to get to know me first before booking' They do not understand that they are not entitled to that time. He could have offered to call me as a paid service but no, he wants to message on KIK.
-
I agree that they don't understand that our time is OURS. I got some joker today asking me to talk to him because 'he wanted to get to know me first before booking' They do not understand that they are not entitled to that time. He could have offered to call me as a paid service but no, he wants to message on KIK.
I saw that. No dice🎲 buddy, you want to get to know me, you make a damn appointment like the rest of the world🌍! That’s some scamming shit right there, Nadya.
-
I agree that they don't understand that our time is OURS. I got some joker today asking me to talk to him because 'he wanted to get to know me first before booking' They do not understand that they are not entitled to that time. He could have offered to call me as a paid service but no, he wants to message on KIK.
"I want to get to know you" ;D That's like me going into a restaurant and telling the waiter I would like to try the "oeufs benedicte" and the "stick tartare" before ordering them cause you know...I might not like them so I'd like to try them first.
Sure buddy.
-
Deluded men are our bread and butter really, not many guys can accept your only sleeping them with for money, that’s basically what the main part of the job is, asides from the physical stuff then imo a sw job is to make the client think you enjoy having sex with them and it’s not about the cash, this is what I’m now having trouble with, I find if they are too deluded then I lose my shit and be too blunt, I think I’m just bored and fed up with this job atm and it’s time to either move on forever or take a year off!
The key for me here is to be able to switch roles, even just in your mind, just like acting. When I transition into my hooker role to work, it is a switch inside of me that I've taught myself to control. It starts with my prep and changing into work clothes and shoes. By the time the door opens for my first client of the day, I'm fully in whoring mode that wraps around me until my last client. That insulates me and I can easily deal with comments from deluded punters who only know and connect with my whoring side. That doesn't mean letting my guard down. My clients know exactly where my firm boundaries are at all times, or they don't remain my client. But I also enjoy some friendly conversation with clients. I don't think of them as a necessary enemy, but someone who decided to invest their money in my skills and me.
For me, that transition is part of what I enjoy about this career (aside from the money and other benefits obviously). It helps separate my innocent and boring civvie life from my hidden self identity. I've done amateur theatre in the past, so I guess that's good practice for acting with clients. :)
-
The key for me here is to be able to switch roles, even just in your mind, just like acting. When I transition into my hooker role to work, it is a switch inside of me that I've taught myself to control. It starts with my prep and changing into work clothes and shoes. By the time the door opens for my first client of the day, I'm fully in whoring mode that wraps around me until my last client. That insulates me and I can easily deal with comments from deluded punters who only know and connect with my whoring side. That doesn't mean letting my guard down. My clients know exactly where my firm boundaries are at all times, or they don't remain my client. But I also enjoy some friendly conversation with clients. I don't think of them as a necessary enemy, but someone who decided to invest their money in my skills and me.
For me, that transition is part of what I enjoy about this career (aside from the money and other benefits obviously). It helps separate my innocent and boring civvie life from my hidden self identity. I've done amateur theatre in the past, so I guess that's good practice for acting with clients. :)
I get the acting part but the issue is that they aren’t acting back, I don’t mind deluded clients but it’s when they get that deluded that they will text you afterwards and say things like, well we got on that much so why are you charging me and then I cannot help but have to say that it’s actually my job.
I feel like I’m making a rod for my own back if I don’t explain to them it’s business if you see what I mean? I also get bored and I’ve had a few normal jobs and I got bored of that so it’s probably just boredom now, I don’t think I am the sort of person to do something forever, I envy people that can stick to the same job for life, not that many employers expect that now but there are plenty folks that do stick to the same job/company for years, I don’t know how they do it!
-
I saw that. No dice🎲 buddy, you want to get to know me, you make a damn appointment like the rest of the world🌍! That’s some scamming shit right there, Nadya.
Oh yeah and he wrapped it all up in loads of complements too, as if I am so starved for validation that it would make me more likely to put up with his BS. Dude, I know this isn't the first time you tried this shit.
It's frustrating because all I had was him and two other timewasting twats today. :FF
-
"I want to get to know you" ;D That's like me going into a restaurant and telling the waiter I would like to try the "oeufs benedicte" and the "stick tartare" before ordering them cause you know...I might not like them so I'd like to try them first.
Sure buddy.
I think I am just going to walk into a nail salon and tell them that I don't want to see anyone yet, I want to get to know her first, yanno, because she has time for that!
-
Going get shot down here.
I know there are many mean and horrible men who treat prostitutes as trash, who treat anyone as trash. However there are lots of reasons why a guy comes to see a prostitute, maybe he wants to play out a fantasy his partner is not keen on or he does not want to share it with her, secondly he might be lonely
if you treat your clients just as a business transaction how do you expect to be treated well?
I am also curious if you have met someone several times and they are nice to you how do you not build up a personal relationship with them also,
I treat them like a business transaction and I act like I enjoy what I’m doing, that’s basically what the job is!
-
She might have meant she just do not want to date someone who uses sex workers because so many cheat, so many get addicted to it being like a sweet shop and enjoy it too much and don't want to give it up if they get in a relationship.
The difference is most sex workers do it for the money only and a lot of men pay for it as they enjoy it a lot so there would be in back of your mind are they out booking still.
I think both of those are true. But the addiction that many fall into is also what makes it work so well. I would say the vast majority of regulars I see are addicted which is not something to be discouraged. Quite the opposite.
I wouldn't want to date one though, the uncertainty would be too much to bear.
-
Some of my regular clients seem to want to be single. Some of them work abroad or away from home a lot. And their free time is either spent doing hobbies they miss when they are away or meeting family members. I’m assuming for most of them they just want to have sex and not have to deal with other dynamics when free time is short.
One of my regulars told me he pays for sex as he thinks he can’t trust a female partner and they would take his house and money from him. Most likely true based on his experiences of women. So he just pays to fuck me instead. For me this is a win. He is a bit of a mongo though. A rich mongo but a mongo all the same.
-
Some of my regular clients seem to want to be single. Some of them work abroad or away from home a lot. And their free time is either spent doing hobbies they miss when they are away or meeting family members. I’m assuming for most of them they just want to have sex and not have to deal with other dynamics when free time is short.
One of my regulars told me he pays for sex as he thinks he can’t trust a female partner and they would take his house and money from him. Most likely true based on his experiences of women. So he just pays to fuck me instead. For me this is a win. He is a bit of a mongo though. A rich mongo but a mongo all the same.
Yes to some clients/punters it is simply their lifestyle choice.
Do you mean he doesn't seem particularly intelligent?
-
I think both of those are true. But the addiction that many fall into is also what makes it work so well. I would say the vast majority of regulars I see are addicted which is not something to be discouraged. Quite the opposite.
I wouldn't want to date one though, the uncertainty would be too much to bear.
I believe there's many reasons why men pay for sex and you can't "put all in one box". Personally I don't have a problem with anyone paying for sex (but that's just me), what i do have a problem is dating someone with an addiction, may that be alcohol, pills, escorts or social media. So many sexless marriages out there, and so many would desintegrate without the possibility of the husband getting his "jolies".
-
I send a rather curt message in response telling them that texts are business and not chit chat, and that I am happy to talk but only if they make a booking and come see me.
I have less tolerance for that nonsense these days
-
Going get shot down here.
I know there are many mean and horrible men who treat prostitutes as trash, who treat anyone as trash. However there are lots of reasons why a guy comes to see a prostitute, maybe he wants to play out a fantasy his partner is not keen on or he does not want to share it with her, secondly he might be lonely
if you treat your clients just as a business transaction how do you expect to be treated well?
I am also curious if you have met someone several times and they are nice to you how do you not build up a personal relationship with them also,
but it is a business transaction ????
-
I agree. I've just had to stop seeing someone cause they said they loved me. They're lovely but it will never go anywhere as it's a professional relationship and a business transaction. Just because its a business transaction doesn't make us cold etc we're a necessary service, just like getting a hair cut, I don't expect my hair dresser to run away with me because she's nice to me.
-
I agree. I've just had to stop seeing someone cause they said they loved me. They're lovely but it will never go anywhere as it's a professional relationship and a business transaction. Just because its a business transaction doesn't make us cold etc we're a necessary service, just like getting a hair cut, I don't expect my hair dresser to run away with me because she's nice to me.
I've had this too, them blurting out "I love you" in a moment of passion ... cringe. I just pretend I haven't heard them.
During the time I'm getting my nails done me and the lady providing the service are chatting away like old mates but I would never presume that she would want to hear from me outside of that time.
I just wish guys would realise that to us it is entirely the same concept ... we are providing a service and when the door closes behind them we don't give them another thought until they next contact us.
-
One of my clients told me he had a relationship with an escort so it does happen although probably rare. I almost started a relationship with a client. Sometimes you do meet someone you have a connection with. It's not planned but can happen over a period of time.
I do have one client who said he loved me during sex which I just ignored. Felt a bit awkward after though. Not sure I'd stop seeing him just for that but maybe if things became awkward regularly.
-
The dreaded deluded. I don't deal with them. I'll ghost them if they take the piss. Anything more is not worth the mental energy.
Face to face nonsense mutterings like free meals or meeting for coffee round his house yep I even had that once & I'll tell them to go on plenty of fish or seeking arrangement etc if that doesn't sink in then they are beyond the realms of reality.
-
I would not date an escort user don’t know if that’s hypocritical
Just said this recently to a friend, almost word for word. And laughed at myself for what I thought might sound ludicrous and hypocritical but so what! :angel:
And although a few clients fantasise about a relationship, I imagine (and only speaking about mine that “want to date me”), fairly certain the novelty would wear off v quickly...
My favourite client once said something along the lines of “I wish I could have you all to myself and no one else touch you”...even tho I adore him, my first thought was...”well that’d be possible but very expensive”...
I didn’t say it out loud though...ha ha.
-
The dreaded deluded. I don't deal with them. I'll ghost them if they take the piss. Anything more is not worth the mental energy.
Face to face nonsense mutterings like free meals or meeting for coffee round his house yep I even had that once & I'll tell them to go on plenty of fish or seeking arrangement etc if that doesn't sink in then they are beyond the realms of reality.
;D ;D ;D
Omg you put it so well! I admire you for not dealing with The Deluded full stop!!
And the coffee offers—I’ve had this “offer” more than once and I’m always thinking...er what? Do they genuinely think I’m gonna jump at the offer of coffee? I don’t even see my real friends enough for “coffee”...
Oh and the most recent “would you date me/shall we go for coffee” client ended up, on his next booking, trying to bargain my 30 min rate and then stayed for almost an hour!! I messaged him telling him off then BAMO (blocked and moved on).