SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: foxylady on 07 February 2021, 03:40:20 pm
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Hi,
I recently met a client who'd been pushy over the phone and (I know!) I made the mistake of agreeing to see him as I was totally skint. He turned up with a really weird look on his face and fear swept right through me, he was a big guy and I immediately thought one punch would split my skull in two. I asked him what was wrong twice and he just said "I'm gonna go". I have never felt such relief as I was about to ask him to leave and I was physically shaking as I locked the door behind him.
I know we've really only got our gut feeling on meeting clients but I wondered who else has had a close call like that, judging by gut alone.
Thanks x
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Never had a close call as such but occasionally I've met the odd client that I seem to take a disliking to.
Something about them I just find odd or creepy or they have done something to annoy me and I'd prefer not to see them again.
I met one guy at his work place and although he was nice, I felt very uncomfortable at the venue and told him I wanted to leave. He was ok about it and gave me some money towards my fuel so it was fine. Thankfully I've never felt threatened nor unsafe in any situation, touch wood!
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Always good to listen to your gut instinct, it's usually right.
Hard in these times but I have found that on the rare occasion when I have given the benefit of the doubt over my gut instinct I have wished I hadn't.
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It’s the reptilian part of our brain🧠, the ancient, not-so-buried part that we all think is gone, as civilized humans.
From what I’ve read, some claim it’s the lost “6th sense” we all used to have when we were climbing down out of the trees. Others claim that it was telepathy🤷🏼♀️. I dunno. Point is, it’s there & it’s real. Pay attention.
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I will never ignore that again, every time I have that intuition has been proven absolutely correct.
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It's nothing mystical or magical - it's your brain making connections, subconsciously, to signals that the other person is giving off, which your brain associates with danger. It's an incredibly powerful survival tool which we all have, but many of us (especially women) are socially conditioned into ignoring, along the lines of "But I know nothing about him, he deserves a fair chance" or "I don't want to upset him by saying I'm going to leave".
I know it's tough when you're skint, but you have to consider - if you end up getting attacked, you'll be out of action for X days, in which time you can certainly get another booking to replace the one that's making you question his motives.
I now look at it as, if I have doubts about the booking, even if he's perfectly okay I'm going to be on edge and twitchy, and that's going to mean both of us have a shit time. I'd rather pass on this one and wait for the next who DOESN'T set off my internal alarms.
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A while ago I read about this being called "pattern recognition". Quite similar to what VoluptuousCurves is saying, it's not some magic or superpower but rather an actual normal brain function. It recognizes subtle patterns that point to future behaviours and it warns you. At first you may ignore them because of that social conditioning but with years and experience you end up understanding that it is indeed a pattern recognition and you got it right.
For example when you read a full enquiry and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it but you still get a weird vibe. If you look closely it's maybe the choice of a specific wording, the way in they referred to something, a very small action like not paying attention to one of your seemingly simple rules, etc. I recently went through a series of emails from a prospective client that was giving me a weird vibe but since I couldn't find where it exactly was and thus argue that he was not a good guy, I felt lost. Later he ended up showing his true colours and when I went back to re-read the first emails I started finding little very subtle red flags everywhere that I hadn't seen before. My brain was warning me about it but it was not conscious.
Always believe your brain and gut feeling. Although you may occasionally lose a genuine client here and there, the vast majority of times it will save you from an abuser.
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Thanks ladies. Yeah there was nothing particularly, the pronounced swagger he walked with when I saw him approach, then the look in his eyes, but yeah I felt it so strongly to end up shaking must have been something keeping me safe x
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Glad you handled that and it turned out well Foxy, scary shyte. Yeah that's an adrenalin rush. The shaking was a side effect of adrenalin pumping through your body giving you extra energy to fight or flight. I've had it too and knew that was the right time to ring the police and leave the room. Say hello to your lizard brain taking care of you.
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Foxy, gut instinct is usually right in my view. I had this guy years ago come to see me a few times but after he'd finished he'd have a weird look in his eyes. Nothing happened but I blocked him. I just know he could have turned funny. I don't know about anyone else but when I look at mugshots of guys who've raped and killed etc, their eyes look psycho to me.
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Foxy, gut instinct is usually right in my view. I had this guy years ago come to see me a few times but after he'd finished he'd have a weird look in his eyes. Nothing happened but I blocked him. I just know he could have turned funny. I don't know about anyone else but when I look at mugshots of guys who've raped and killed etc, their eyes look psycho to me.
Good call Amy, you got the bad feels and knocked it on the head.
I imagined that freaky look was cause their ass is sat in the station staring into a police camera! I bet I'd look the same :)
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True SS. But a shifty set of eyes outside of mugshots is a teller. Hard stares and flicking left to right eyes. Shudder.
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I always get clients to text rather than call, I know it’s probably weird but I can tell what a person is like by their grammar. If they take the time out to write a decent text then I know there’ll be less likely to be psychos, timewasters or drug/drink fuelled.
I’ve seen one aggressive guy and I could tell by his text, if it was late at night I wouldn’t have even considered it.... but it was 8am on a weekday and the outcall was to a huge posh house so I thought he was just probably wanting a bit of fun before work... I was sooo wrong. He was huge, he looked and was built like a Viking and he was on coke... so probably the most uncomfortable early morning booking I’ve ever had, if only I had gone with my instinct.
I think you’re right about the sixth sense.
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True SS. But a shifty set of eyes outside of mugshots is a teller. Hard stares and flicking left to right eyes. Shudder.
I agree Amy ;) I think the eyes reflect what's going on in the brain which is only an inch behind them. I think there's a lot written about it in NLP therapy. Anyways we kinda know without being told.
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I've had this recently with a client. He booked through the phone, he seemed a little dim but nothing too alarming. On the lead up to the session day, my gut was going nuts so I cancelled. He said he was happy to reschedule and I thought, perhaps I'm overreacting. I starred feeling guilty about cancelling - the poor guy only wanted fucked in the ass. So I rescheduled. However, as the day approached again, my gut was going beserk. So I cancelled again and I won't feel guilty for it this time. Something was definitely off and I am not going to ignore my gut!!
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I had exactly what you were describing once and the feeling was so strong I was about to get attacked in that room I was petrified. I managed to get through the service talked him out of the room and vowed never to see him again.
To my absolute horror he changed his number and I booked him in again it was like he was enjoying my fear he kept asking me if I was ok and laughing to himself through the second booking. The hotel on the second job didn’t have a spy hole he had got into the middle of the room before I could blink. I had to threaten him with the police and he would of lost his job as a college lecturer so he laid off me after that.
Episodes like this over the years have left me wrecked with anxiety and I can often feel my heart beating too fast before I welcome new clients. I’m also sure weight gain can be put down to high levels of cortisol etc. Makes you wonder if this job will leave us with ever lasting effects.
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I've only ever been close to danger once. This guy had seen me a few times and he wasn't my usual type. He was clean but a bit hippyish. On the third visit, I noticed his eyes looking a bit menacing. He asked if he could tie me up. I was cocky and said nope, you can't. He said he was going to tie me up anyway. I snorted at him and called my boyfriend's name pretending he was near by and the guy scarpered. For me, it's the eyes. I'd have laid him out if he'd tried that with me.
Gut instinct all day everyone.
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I've had two clients who sounded well spoken and polite on the phone. One set my alarm bells clanging which I ignored. He also reeked of being an ex-prisoner when he arrived which I also ignored. I ignored warning bells all the way through and it didn't end well. I ended up reporting him. This was lesson learned. The next guy like this I got rid off the second he flopped his cock out. He tried fronting me up so I just stood there looking at him with the only clear path being the way to the front door. He was definately escalating even when just reply back asking him to leave and this was the first time I ever felt a man would ever follow through on violence. He reeked of prison too. Cheap shoes, fake military bearing or put-on quiet hard man nonsense. There's just something dark and nasty about men like this which may explain why they reek of prison. There's just a flatness to their tone.
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I always get clients to text rather than call, I know it’s probably weird but I can tell what a person is like by their grammar. If they take the time out to write a decent text then I know there’ll be less likely to be psychos, timewasters or drug/drink fuelled.
I’ve seen one aggressive guy and I could tell by his text, if it was late at night I wouldn’t have even considered it.... but it was 8am on a weekday and the outcall was to a huge posh house so I thought he was just probably wanting a bit of fun before work... I was sooo wrong. He was huge, he looked and was built like a Viking and he was on coke... so probably the most uncomfortable early morning booking I’ve ever had, if only I had gone with my instinct.
I think you’re right about the sixth sense.
I dont mean to chastise you, but getting men, based solely on their grammar and texts is highly dangerous and naive. (Unless you have security to protect you during booking) Some of the most sucessful serial killers, were very educated men. Surely having a conversation with the person, plus hearing their voice and tone, will give you a better indication, than just a text. Sorry if this comes across as harsh.....i dont mean it to. I just get worried about other escorts safety. There are many bad men out there, who target us.
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Hi Sugar,
I see your point but my hearing is bad so I cant take calls and rely on texts alone. Like glowstick I agree vetting texts works as well as via phone. If Ted Bundy phoned I'm sure you'd book him in as he sounds normal, and the same via text. I don't see that texts are any more unsafe as you can still converse via them and get a similar idea about clients. Remember the gut instinct x
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I'm the same as Foxylady; my hearing is getting worse and phone signal in my incall place is very glitchy, so I screen by text. It's not about the potential client having an education or being able to spell - it's the "tone" of how they write their text. It comes through just the same as their tone on the phone - not whether they have a posh accent or they sound like a cockney barrow boy, it's how they address you as a person.
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It’s the reptilian part of our brain🧠, the ancient, not-so-buried part that we all think is gone, as civilized humans.
From what I’ve read, some claim it’s the lost “6th sense” we all used to have when we were climbing down out of the trees. Others claim that it was telepathy🤷🏼♀️. I dunno. Point is, it’s there & it’s real. Pay attention.
Exactly ... Now every time my sixth sense tells me not to receive a person. I don't.
because in the past I ignored my instincts and they were almost always a problem: timewaster, not show or was it bad and aggressive ...
I have learned to listen to my instinct
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I hate hagglers I think If they don't respect my prices how can they respect me. So they give me a bad feeling and I block