I began escorting a couple of months ago as I'd split from my boyfriend, was skint and felt my life was not getting anywhere.
I dealt with a lot as a child and teenager that no one should deal with. I was in regular contact with mental health because I was suicidal and felt so alone.
I got through school and passed my GCSE's, got a few NVQ's at college but not enough to give me a career.
When I contacted the escort agency I thought I'll see how this goes if I enjoy I will carry on and save to go travelling and save towards going back into education later on (want to be a Social worker and Councillor).
When I started escorting in my first couple of weeks my ex begged for me back and cried infront of all my friends his undying love for me
I gave him a chance. I couldn't keep up with the lying...anyone who knows the real me away from escorting knows I am the most honest, truthful, genuine and laid back person ever. So to lie to my boyfriend and look into his eyes when he said he loved me was too much to handle. I broke up with him because I love this job too much.
The next day I found out I was pregnant. (i know it is his as I conceived when I wasn't working) so I decided to give it ago.
I have carried on escorting which I hate myself for. but I am so worried about providing for my child I don't know how I am going to find the money to give it a best start if I don't carry on.
Me and my boyfriend are constantly arguing because I am lying to him about where I am and he feels I dont open upto him.
But I feel unhappy in the relationship because I feel like I dont get enough respect from him and I'm his slave.
I feel trapped. I am lucky to have this child and for my boyfriend to stick around as many men do run and dont want anything to do with their child especially at 18.
I know I shouldn't carry on escorting if I want this relationship to work and to have a nice family.
But I don't know how to come away from escorting, I love it so much. I feel trapped I wanted to follow my dreams and although a child is the best gift and you can never be ready for it, I feel I haven't lived my life. Abortion is out of the question.
Soon I will be showing and so many employers wont take me on because of maternity leave and I will be restricted to what I can do so I cant find a normal job.
Would just like some advice or help how to come away from it all and go back to being a normal person?
I dont want my boyfriend to ever find out and disown me and the baby and I dont want to break his heart.
I am so confused I am just going on now. I cant think straight. x