SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: secretcallgirl91 on 20 May 2012, 05:30:39 pm
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I began escorting a couple of months ago as I'd split from my boyfriend, was skint and felt my life was not getting anywhere.
I dealt with a lot as a child and teenager that no one should deal with. I was in regular contact with mental health because I was suicidal and felt so alone.
I got through school and passed my GCSE's, got a few NVQ's at college but not enough to give me a career.
When I contacted the escort agency I thought I'll see how this goes if I enjoy I will carry on and save to go travelling and save towards going back into education later on (want to be a Social worker and Councillor).
When I started escorting in my first couple of weeks my ex begged for me back and cried infront of all my friends his undying love for me :-\ I gave him a chance. I couldn't keep up with the lying...anyone who knows the real me away from escorting knows I am the most honest, truthful, genuine and laid back person ever. So to lie to my boyfriend and look into his eyes when he said he loved me was too much to handle. I broke up with him because I love this job too much.
The next day I found out I was pregnant. (i know it is his as I conceived when I wasn't working) so I decided to give it ago.
I have carried on escorting which I hate myself for. but I am so worried about providing for my child I don't know how I am going to find the money to give it a best start if I don't carry on.
Me and my boyfriend are constantly arguing because I am lying to him about where I am and he feels I dont open upto him.
But I feel unhappy in the relationship because I feel like I dont get enough respect from him and I'm his slave.
I feel trapped. I am lucky to have this child and for my boyfriend to stick around as many men do run and dont want anything to do with their child especially at 18.
I know I shouldn't carry on escorting if I want this relationship to work and to have a nice family.
But I don't know how to come away from escorting, I love it so much. I feel trapped I wanted to follow my dreams and although a child is the best gift and you can never be ready for it, I feel I haven't lived my life. Abortion is out of the question.
Soon I will be showing and so many employers wont take me on because of maternity leave and I will be restricted to what I can do so I cant find a normal job.
Would just like some advice or help how to come away from it all and go back to being a normal person?
I dont want my boyfriend to ever find out and disown me and the baby and I dont want to break his heart.
I am so confused I am just going on now. I cant think straight. x
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You're putting yourself through an incredible amount of stress. If you continue down this road yours and your unborn baby's health are going to suffer (mental and physical) as you're putting him under a lot of distress. It's not about you anymore, because it's 2 of you. So you need to stop now. You can't have a baby, be an escort, have a boyfriend and keep a double life. Nobody can. Not even wonderwoman. You need to get rid of 2 things from the equation in order to go back to normality and regain your sanity. Which two? You decide.
You say abortion is out of the question (tick one). You have 3 left, still need to get rid of 2. Boyfriend? double life? escort job?
Personally if I were in your shoes and I really really wanted to keep the baby I would get rid of the escort job and the double life and tell the boyfriend he needs to take care of me (both emotional & financial wise) till the baby is born. End off. He's the father, right? He is responsible for the baby too. Once the baby is 8 months I would get back to work and then figure out what to do. If your man can't take care of you financially and you can't stop working, then... sorry to be the first one to break you the news , -I don't want to sound condescendent- but you're not ready to have a baby in this moment of your life neither fit to be a mother.
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You need to really take a look at the situation with your boyfriend very very clearly (try to take emotions out of it) and ask yourself this - Can he and will he 1) Get and keep a job (does he already?) to provide and support you whilst you are pregnant and will he pull his weight when the baby is born (ie keep the job, or else look after the home and child whilst you work etc)? and 2) Does he treat you right? I don't mean by this that you never fall out and he never says a bad word to you. I mean does he generally treat you well and with basic respect vast majority of time? you will know this deep down if you try not to get blindsided by the love thoughts and his begging and stuff. If the answer is no, then he will only drag you down, add to your depression and being a mother is difficult enough without that. I think that is the real question here that you need to base your decision on.
I wouldn't feel guilty about you stress affecting the pregnancy - the situation is what it is, abortion IS an option but not what you have chosen, and that is just the way it is. Just do what you need to do, keep moving forward and eating healthily, going to medical appointments and I'm sure you and the baby will be fine. I was extremely stressed throughout my first pregnancy and the buba was fine. It's not ideal but as long as you keep taking steps to reduce the stress and get things in place then don't beat yourself up about it. :D
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You're putting yourself through an incredible amount of stress. If you continue down this road yours and your unborn baby's health are going to suffer (mental and physical) as you're putting him under a lot of distress. It's not about you anymore, because it's 2 of you. So you need to stop now. You can't have a baby, be an escort, have a boyfriend and keep a double life. Nobody can. Not even wonderwoman. You need to get rid of 2 things from the equation in order to go back to normality and regain your sanity. Which two? You decide.
That is the reason for this post, I know right from wrong, I don't need telling, I need help to try and get out of the situation I am in as I am finding it difficult, some things you cant help.
I don't want to sound condescendent- but you're not ready to have a baby in this moment of your life neither fit to be a mother.
I disagree and I think that is rather harsh to say I am not fit to be a mother.
Sorry for the huge post ;D You just need to focus on seeing the realities and taking it one careful step at a time.
Thank you for the huge post Lou, I appreciate it.
I didn't realize I would be entitled to those benefits regardless of work etc. I have a normal job with my dad but he only gave me the job to help towards saving for the baby I do part time 3 hours a day mon-fri and get 100.00 a week for that but that goes straight on rent, food and must have essentials. All escorting money is put away in savings. But I am not making any money from that job to save for the baby. My boyfriend works but he is fcuking shit with money so I know I need to make an income if I dont want to live in a run down flat and have nothing for the baby. Some of my friends say they manage and have lots of money and other friends say they have nothing and are in debt :/ so I guess its how you spend the benefits you are given?
And my boyfriend moans if he doesn't get sex when he wants it, he comes to my house turns my telly on gets in bed and takes over the sky box, expects me to slave over him and make him drinks and shit and leaves his rubbish all over my floor! he moans i don't work the same hours as him and its my fault that he goes out drinking and spends all his money cause im at work so I cant occupy him! then on my days off he goes down the pub in a strop cause he doesn't get his own way.
I used to be a mug and let him get away with it but now I'm not standing for it he doesn't like the fact he's not in control.
I wish I could just walk away like that from this job :/ maybe do less and less hours until I do so few and then stop?
Its hard to stop like that because I want as much money for my baby as possible and want him or her to have a nice home x
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You need to really take a look at the situation with your boyfriend very very clearly (try to take emotions out of it) and ask yourself this - Can he and will he 1) Get and keep a job (does he already?) to provide and support you whilst you are pregnant and will he pull his weight when the baby is born (ie keep the job, or else look after the home and child whilst you work etc)? and 2) Does he treat you right? I don't mean by this that you never fall out and he never says a bad word to you. I mean does he generally treat you well and with basic respect vast majority of time? you will know this deep down if you try not to get blindsided by the love thoughts and his begging and stuff. If the answer is no, then he will only drag you down, add to your depression and being a mother is difficult enough without that. I think that is the real question here that you need to base your decision on.
I wouldn't feel guilty about you stress affecting the pregnancy - the situation is what it is, abortion IS an option but not what you have chosen, and that is just the way it is. Just do what you need to do, keep moving forward and eating healthily, going to medical appointments and I'm sure you and the baby will be fine. I was extremely stressed throughout my first pregnancy and the buba was fine. It's not ideal but as long as you keep taking steps to reduce the stress and get things in place then don't beat yourself up about it. :D
Thank you for your kind positive words, advice and support.
I really do want whats best for my baby, I just wish I had an easier way out of it right now x
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Gosh you must be feeling so mixed up at the moment sweetie so big hugs and kisses from me x
You sound like a lovely caring person so definetly " fit " to be a mother x
The fact that you have posted this and asking for guidance from more experienced WG's shows how responsible you are and shows how you care about your unborn baby, I would listen to LouLou 100% as she obviosly knows what shes talking about and has been a great help to me since i started this job ( thanks LouLou) Everyone is entitled to there opinon, Especially when you post on here asking for it but i dont think some people are being helpfull ( Sorry Ana but think you could have been a tad more sympathetic, Suggesting that someone may not be fit to be a mother when there clearly hormonal and upset and asking for help isnt very helpful but I can see where your coming from in regards to being realistic)
I hope everything works out for you sweetie, As i said in PM im here for a natter or shoulder to cry on if needed xxx
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Thank you princess.
I have asked for help and advice to get out of escorting not asked about my parenting skills and if I am fit to be a mother.
And if you must know I had an abortion at 18 because my boyfriend at the time MADE me have unprotected sex to get me pregnant on purpose, stalked and harassed me and pushed me about, called me vile vile names and hes only stopped harassing me since he found out i was pregnant this time round with my new boyfriend and that was almost 3 years ago i had the abortion. there was no way I was able to keep that baby and ready for that. I would never go through the pain of an abortion again.
I did not plan this baby but I have been given a second chance and the best gift I could ever ask for after that and all the other complicated sadness in my life.
I'm trying to do the right thing now and put the past behind me, and escorting for the time being.
does anybody know if there Is their any councilors or anyone I could talk to professionally to help me in regards to being a sex worker?
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Sorry Ana but think you could have been a tad more sympathetic, Suggesting that someone may not be fit to be a mother when there clearly hormonal and upset and asking for help isnt very helpful but I can see where your coming from in regards to being realistic)
Sorry, you're right that was pretty harsh (apologies). I should have found a nicer way of expressing my opinion.
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I think you need to try and link in with a midwife as soon as you can, especially as you've had a history of depression. Your hormones are going to be all over the place and Ante-Natal depression is quite common, so there's nothing to be worried about if you feel they may judge you. They're really just there to help, and as great as the SAAFE board is, I think you probably need to get some advice from professionals.
The stress from living a secret double life isn't going to go away by hoping/wishing. You need to make some big decisions, that are well thought out. Only you really know how well your partner will be able to support you, but don't forget that we live in a welfare society, and as crap as benefits are if you need them they are there.
Thinking of you, hope everything goes OK (and remember it's Sunday - the worst day for emotional crisis-es, so didn't spell that right).
Lots of love and best wishes,
Sass xx
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Have PM'ed you secretcallgirl x x x
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SCG I?m really sorry to hear about the tough time you?re going through. Unfortunately I?m not in the best position myself so not really the best person to be dishing out advice to others but just wanted to say I hope you manage to sort things out and best of luck with however you choose to proceed :) xxx
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i think as your young ( not being rude) but you have to think can I look after this baby myself on my own without my boyfriend because at your age the chance of you becoming a single mother on your own with a child is pretty high ( and i have been that person a long time ago)
Guys will come and go throughout your life but your child will be there with you forever so if you want to have this child its likely that you will be a single mother sooner rather than later that not to say that your child father wont have an imput in its life but you dont have to be with him to allow that
and from what you have said about your boyfriend he sounds like a cocklodger and immature but then again he is 18 and that the mental age of about 13 for your average male so immature is probably not fair
you could have your child and carry on escorting have the child that you want and have the work and money that you want their is nothing wrong with that ( thats what i did a long time ago )
you also need to remember that depending on where you live ( if london) then the benefit system is changing hugely over the next year or so and you wont get as much housing benefit thats availble at the moment for those that live in london and need a roof over theire head
my friend has just had to move out of london and back to wales as the cap on housing benefit meant she could no longer afford her flat for her and her two kids
money stuff
if you go to a website called entitled to you can put in your weekly earnings what benefit you get ( easy to work out as they are pretty much bog standard) and they will calculate what benefits you get for housing benefit and council tax
if you google tax credits you can put in a claim to see what you would get you dont process it cos you havnt had baby yet but if you do it as if you have
So you put in your single one child and how much you earn it will come back with how much you should get each week
So for example if you got your dad to pay you say less money between 50 - 60 a week rather than 100 and you worked 18 hrs a week you would get the maxiumum amount of working tax credit and child tax credit and child benefit of approximently which would be roughly 140 a week + 50 from your dad so thats almost 200 a week for working 18 hours
you would on that be entitled to probably full housing benefit give or take say 10 pounds or so but probably you would get the maxium amount so if your rent is 100 a week you might have to pay anything from 1pound to say 10 pound as a rough guide on those figures and probably full council tax would get paid as well give or take the odd few pounds
providing that your rent was within the LHA which depends on where you live but you would be entitled to a two bed allowance once the baby is born and where i live in the southwest i think around 600 a month in london its higher but thats all changing soon
So just on that you would be getting 180 -200 a week for working a min of 18 hours a week with no rent /council tax or if you did have to pay any it would be very little
Even if you were earning the 100 a week you would still get help with your rent and council tax
however this is just rough calculations that i did online and things are changing with the universal tax credits
best of luck
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i think as your young ( not being rude) but you have to think can I look after this baby myself on my own without my boyfriend because at your age the chance of you becoming a single mother on your own with a child is pretty high ( and i have been that person a long time ago)
i think i can look after the baby by myself and have really good family support. he cant wait for the baby and will be working away weekends and said when hes home he wants to look after the baby and take it off my hands. whether this does happen is a different question. i think he will be a good dad but he needs to sort his finances out and realize his priorities HAVE to change.
i am not perfect and cant pass all the blame on him as i have caused some arguments, which is lying because of this job.
but the way he is dealing with this situation in terms of thinking i am his skivvy and he gets everything on a plate is not going to happen. i've told him hes not coming in my house or flat when i move in if he doesn't clear up after himself and im not going to be with someone who cant prioritize.
i dont live in london, i live in the south east.
thank you for the info on benefits etc i will look into that x
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90% of young relationships don't last. Secretcallgirl no offence but how can you stand to be in a relationship with an 18 year old boy? Their mentality is that of about a 15year old and even if he comes across as 'mature' he's not a real man. An 18 year old boy can't really look after you either if that's what you want. By the time he is 25-30 he will be a completly different person trust me.
And how do you expect to have a long-lasting relationship with this guy and a family together when you have to lie all the time?
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Kylie, do you know the guy in question? If not then how can you say he has the mentality of a 15 year old? How do you know that 90% of young relationships don't last? Where is your evidence for this?
And as for your final question, Secret call girl isn't trying to have a long lasting relationship and carry on leading a double life.....that's what this post is all about.
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Sorry I just don't understand why any women would want to be with an 18 year old boy that's why I'm asking. Young relationships hardly ever last, it's got to be about 90%. One min their in love and the next min they have split up, then their back together again and then they split up. I'm not saying everyone but it's so common. You don't even know yourself properly when you're young that's why I think so many of them fail.
She's asking for advice and mine would be why are you with this guy in the first place? And are you going to continue lying and if so how do you expect it to last at all? Or bring a baby into a loving stable environment not split up when it's born. Which seems to be so 'normal' these days. I'm only saying what I think is the truth.
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But she didn't ask for advice as to whether she should leave her boyfriend.....she asked for advice on how to leave escorting!
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But she didn't ask for advice as to whether she should leave her boyfriend.....she asked for advice on how to leave escorting!
No she is also moaning about him saying he is lazy, demanding and selfish ect and said she might not stay with him. So I am commenting on everything.
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I HAVENT at any point asked for any relationship advice or asked anyone's opinion on my boyfriends age, I asked how to escape from escorting.
You cant help who you fall in love with and I don't need to explain myself or my reasons for being with someone younger than me. End of.
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No but you DID moan about him ALOT things which are commons traits in young boys. YOU mentioned his age no one else did. I am entitled to a view. It's not my fault others don't like it. You didn't answer any of the other questions I ask, I didn't just talk about his age.
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Kylie, she's right. Pack it in.
The OP has been clear what she wants advice about more than once, she's entitled to a moan without being picked apart and if members can't stay on topic then they need to be posting on other threads where they can. What teenagers are like as boyfriends is not the subject of this thread nor is it an appropriate topic for the forum at all, so no further discussion of it please.
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I haven't bothered to answer any of your other questions because you cant be bothered to read and reply appropriately!
From your posts, seems like your very unsympathetic and not in the best of moods with yourself so take it somewhere else.
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I'm in a absolute fine mood thankyou. I just did not think my opinion would cause so much offence or that I couldn't make comments on things that had been said. I read and thought I replied appropriately obviously not, but I didn't think there was certain things I was not allowed to say.
I just say what I believe to be the truth and believe it or not was trying to give advice. I just do it in a differnt way to others. Like Amy said I just won't post on threads in future if it's going to cause offence.
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Yes i did moan about him but didn't ask for yours or anyone's opinion on the relationship.
The problem with opening a thread moaning about X or Y is that people will give you their opinions on X or Y secretcallgirl.
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i think what Kylie was trying to say is exactly what i said earlier is that most 18 year old boys ( and i have one ) are a lot younger in comparison to a 18 years old girl girls are often a lot more mature at that age
So an 18 year old boy is more likely to be immature and young ( not always but often - i think i put age of about 13 ;D)
but he dose in fairness have a job and is working so he cant be all that bad, however as someone said if you do moan about him on boards about how crap he is with money and that he bosses you about then you can expect to get replies that will cover that even if it not what you wanted help about
and most relationships dont last not just young one but most thats why there is so many divorces and single parents out there because life hard and people dont stick at things any longer
and to be fair you are asking about relationship advice because from what i read if you didnt have problems with your boyfriend and wernt having a baby then you wouldnt be leaving escorting
and i also think that Kylie is right in that if your expeciting an 18 year old boy to look after you then i would have some contingency plans in place at 18 years of age most kids can just about look after themselves let alone a partner and a baby
At 18 you and him should be going out and enjoying yourself partying holiday and having a good time not worried about babies and bills
If my son came home and said his girlfriend was pregnant i would go f...... mental because at 18 i think he is still a kid just starting out in life and with the rest of his life in front of him he only just learning to drive and i would be so f..... angry and dissapointed that in my eyes he has f,,,,, up the 18 years of his life, harsh but that just my views as a mother
I would also be furious that all the bloody money i have spent over the past 15 years on private education for him is basically wasted as even if he did get a good job he would most likely be screwed for the next 18 years for child support should they split up
(im not saying that father shouldnt have to pay and support there kids but they way its done at the moment is not really fair )
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I haven't bothered to answer any of your other questions because you cant be bothered to read and reply appropriately!
From your posts, seems like your very unsympathetic and not in the best of moods with yourself so take it somewhere else.
SCG, to be fair if you just wanted advice about leaving work then you didn't need to go into so much detail about your personal circumstances, and you've mentioned enough about your boyfriend in previous threads for most members who have read them to have formed an opinion on his behaviour already.
If you want specific advice, just take a deep breath and try to focus on the things that are really worrying you, then write them out and once everybody is clear about what we're supposed to be helping with we can concentrate on that :).
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From what I can work out SCg you are very confused. As you know you cannot have a baby, keep a relationship and keep lying about your work. It will never work.
If you want to leave escorting then just do it. Go to speak to the benefits agency and they will tell you what money you can expect to get. I have not read every reply as I am on my Iphone but if you and your partner do not live together you will get around ?140 a week working tax credit once child is born plus ?20 child benefit but you will have to pay the majority of your rent and council tax. If you do not work you will get around ?90 but will only have to pay a minimum payment on rent and council tax.
No one can tell you how to quit. If you want to, you just stop working. It is really that simple.
A lie gets bigger and bigger everyday and if he found out he would be gone and you would be left alone with a new baby. You either have to tell him or stop working. You will struggle financially but you will learn to live on less. It wont be easy to start with but if you love your partner you really do not have much choice
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your absoulutly right - all the lies and stress will just make you feel worse and do you no favours and despite what the bloody media says "we cant have it all" i think you have to make a decision on what you want - you really only have a few choices once you make it you will feel a lot better
do you want to be single free to do whatever you want (( if i had a daughter thats your age that what i would be advising her to do)
do you want to be a mum have a baby and live with your partner
do you want to be a single mum on your own so that you can carry on working as an escort
do you want to carry on lying to your partner so that you can work as an escort and have all the stress that goes with it because eventually he will find out, because you will slip up somewhere along the line forget to shut the pc down not lock your phone or his mates might book you and then tell him ect
then he might demand DNA tests hit the roof and you lost the relationship anyway but his family your family will know as well probably )
From what I can work out SCg you are very confused. As you know you cannot have a baby, keep a relationship and keep lying about your work. It will never work.
If you want to leave escorting then just do it. Go to speak to the benefits agency and they will tell you what money you can expect to get. I have not read every reply as I am on my Iphone but if you and your partner do not live together you will get around ?140 a week working tax credit once child is born plus ?20 child benefit but you will have to pay the majority of your rent and council tax. If you do not work you will get around ?90 but will only have to pay a minimum payment on rent and council tax.
No one can tell you how to quit. If you want to, you just stop working. It is really that simple.
A lie gets bigger and bigger everyday and if he found out he would be gone and you would be left alone with a new baby. You either have to tell him or stop working. You will struggle financially but you will learn to live on less. It wont be easy to start with but if you love your partner you really do not have much choice
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Everything that has been said is exactly what I was trying to say. I just did not put it across as well.
Why young people want to be tied down at such a young age and when they will most likely split up is beond me. You will never get those young,free,single happy years back.
Having babies and dreaming of a little family should IMO come later in life when you have experinced life and seen the world more. What ever happened to being married, being in a solid and stable loving relationship and doing things the proper way?
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I began escorting a couple of months ago as I'd split from my boyfriend, was skint and felt my life was not getting anywhere.
I dealt with a lot as a child and teenager that no one should deal with. I was in regular contact with mental health because I was suicidal and felt so alone.
I got through school and passed my GCSE's, got a few NVQ's at college but not enough to give me a career.
When I contacted the escort agency I thought I'll see how this goes if I enjoy I will carry on and save to go travelling and save towards going back into education later on (want to be a Social worker and Councillor).
When I started escorting in my first couple of weeks my ex begged for me back and cried infront of all my friends his undying love for me :-\ I gave him a chance. I couldn't keep up with the lying...anyone who knows the real me away from escorting knows I am the most honest, truthful, genuine and laid back person ever. So to lie to my boyfriend and look into his eyes when he said he loved me was too much to handle. I broke up with him because I love this job too much.
The next day I found out I was pregnant. (i know it is his as I conceived when I wasn't working) so I decided to give it ago.
I have carried on escorting which I hate myself for. but I am so worried about providing for my child I don't know how I am going to find the money to give it a best start if I don't carry on.
Me and my boyfriend are constantly arguing because I am lying to him about where I am and he feels I dont open upto him.
But I feel unhappy in the relationship because I feel like I dont get enough respect from him and I'm his slave.
I feel trapped. I am lucky to have this child and for my boyfriend to stick around as many men do run and dont want anything to do with their child especially at 18.
I know I shouldn't carry on escorting if I want this relationship to work and to have a nice family.
But I don't know how to come away from escorting, I love it so much. I feel trapped I wanted to follow my dreams and although a child is the best gift and you can never be ready for it, I feel I haven't lived my life. Abortion is out of the question.
Soon I will be showing and so many employers wont take me on because of maternity leave and I will be restricted to what I can do so I cant find a normal job.
Would just like some advice or help how to come away from it all and go back to being a normal person?
I dont want my boyfriend to ever find out and disown me and the baby and I dont want to break his heart.
I am so confused I am just going on now. I cant think straight. x
1/ Your title suggest the problem lies within the constant lying.
2/ Your whole message is about just how awful a life you've had and what a lazy, sh*tty bloke you are with - TREATS YOU LIKE A SLAVE......
3/ You want advice on how to stop escorting - you find it hard because after TWO WHOLE MONTHS you are addicted to it.
Have I broken this down correctly?
Is this posting for real?
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I agree with Paris re your limited choices. No one can make the decision for you.
My advice would be to give up escorting NOW.
I would definitely keep the baby, but that's just me. I had my first son when I was 20 and homeless living in a squat. All my family told me to have an abortion or have him adopted, but I managed, and he's grown up to be a wonderful man with a gorgeous family.
I don't agree that you'll have no life with a baby...I certainly still went out and had fun and travelled. Babies/children are hard work, but they're not an affliction! I had a lot of hard times I admit, but I had lots of fun too. And I ended up working in playgroups, then nursery schools and then schools, so I could work and still be around for him...I just kept doing more courses as he got older and worked the same hours as he was in school. I suppose if you were single you could go back to escorting when he's at that age. I ended up turning to escorting in my 50's so did things the other way round to most here.
Again this is just my experience and what advice I would give, but only you can make the decisions.
Good luck and lots of HUGS.
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1/ Your title suggest the problem lies within the constant lying.
2/ Your whole message is about just how awful a life you've had and what a lazy, sh*tty bloke you are with - TREATS YOU LIKE A SLAVE......
3/ You want advice on how to stop escorting - you find it hard because after TWO WHOLE MONTHS you are addicted to it.
Have I broken this down correctly?
Is this posting for real?
Yes, it is. If this is as constructive and helpful as you're capable of being Janie, don't bother please. There are plenty of threads about makeup and timewasters and smelly cocks and so forth if you don't want to contribute when somebody has some real problems.
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I agree with Paris re your limited choices. No one can make the decision for you.
My advice would be to give up escorting NOW.
I would definitely keep the baby, but that's just me. I had my first son when I was 20 and homeless living in a squat. All my family told me to have an abortion or have him adopted, but I managed, and he's grown up to be a wonderful man with a gorgeous family.
I don't agree that you'll have no life with a baby...I certainly still went out and had fun and travelled. Babies/children are hard work, but they're not an affliction! I had a lot of hard times I admit, but I had lots of fun too. And I ended up working in playgroups, then nursery schools and then schools, so I could work and still be around for him...I just kept doing more courses as he got older and worked the same hours as he was in school. I suppose if you were single you could go back to escorting when he's at that age. I ended up turning to escorting in my 50's so did things the other way round to most here.
Again this is just my experience and what advice I would give, but only you can make the decisions.
Good luck and lots of HUGS.
Hear hear, especially the bit in bold. The only thing(s) that has held me back in life were the men I chose to have relationships with. My children were easy enough to (go out to) work round and get sitters or sleepovers for them when I wanted to go out, but the men in my life were far more demanding!!
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1/ Your title suggest the problem lies within the constant lying.
2/ Your whole message is about just how awful a life you've had and what a lazy, sh*tty bloke you are with - TREATS YOU LIKE A SLAVE......
3/ You want advice on how to stop escorting - you find it hard because after TWO WHOLE MONTHS you are addicted to it.
Have I broken this down correctly?
Is this posting for real?
Yes, it is. If this is as constructive and helpful as you're capable of being Janie, don't bother please. There are plenty of threads about makeup and timewasters and smelly cocks and so forth if you don't want to contribute when somebody has some real problems.
I am sorry you feel the need to talk about smelly cocks and such in response to my simple question.
You will have to forgive me my ignorance of the workings of this site, as I've seen posts like this elsewhere and they are often set out to cause turbulence over the ether (read the replies for evidence of this) due to their emotive nature and I personally find it incredibly hard to believe that somebody needs advice on how to leave a part time job after just two months, which after several readings appears to be the question asked by the o.p. I should have given this even further thought and softened my query regarding the post somehow for fear of upsetting anybody at all.
Sincere apologies to Secretcallgirl who indeed does have some real problems if this post is genuine.
I have had bad, lazy boyfriends and I've had jobs I've wanted to leave too. I've also had my fair share of life problems, so to some degree understand what it's like to feel trapped and being unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Let me attempt something constructive and helpful as I see it:
When I had a job I wanted to leave; I left. I went without a salary temporarily because ultimately, the job was making me miserable.
Decide if you want the job and the misery or if you want a 'normal' life, as you put it. Or find a way to do the job without lying. Of course, it is only advice and only you can know what measures it will take to aleviate your difficulties.
By your own admission your boyfriend is bad with money, lazy and treats you like dirt. Sadly, he is but a child himself, therein lies the rub.
Other peoples' problems are infinitely easier to disentangel than our own, aren't they and this is probably all too pragmatic.
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I never said you will have no life having a baby young but you will NEVER get those young years back.
And by the sounds of things they are probably going to split up at some point so she will be a single mum. I'm not saying single mums are bad of course not, but it's not ideal is it. I think before you have a baby which is such a major decision you should actually be sure that's the man you want to spend the rest of you're life with and raise you're child. Not just get caught up in the ''moment''. If you are still going to escort when the child is born also I really don't think that's a stable environment for a child it could put that child at risk whatever way you look at it. If you don't give it up now you will always think 'I want nice things for my baby I'll just do this one job' ect and you will never get out of it.
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I never said you will have no life having a baby young but you will NEVER get those young years back.
And by the sounds of things they are probably going to split up at some point so she will be a single mum and I'm not saying single mums are bad but it's not ideal is it and I think before you have a baby you should be sure that's the man you want to spend the rest of you're life with and raise you're child. Not just get caught up in the ''moment'' If you are still going to escort when the child is born also I really don't think that's a stable environment for a child it could put that child at risk whatever way you look at it. If you don't give it up now you will always think 'I want nice things for my baby I'll just do this one job' ect and you will never get out of it.
Being a single mother is far better than staying in a dead-end relationship that you believe is "THE ONE". And yes, I've been there, I thought I would be with that idiot (my ex) - who is 10 years my senior in age, but 10 years my junior in emotional development - for the rest of my life. At the time he was "THE ONE" and I made the decision to have children with him. I now have the gift of hindsight, and can see why I stayed with him when I should have run away fast, and how him leaving me was the best thing that could have happened.
Secretcallgirl has decided to keep the baby. Personally I would stop escorting and - again with the gift of hindsight! - I would talk to the boyfriend about what he wants from the relationship and what he will be doing to support THE FAMILY. Not him, not the baby, but the FAMILY as a whole unit. If he's not prepared to be emotionally mature enough to support (in all ways) a family unit, then you need to be strong and build your own family unit - you and the baby - away from the father without his 24/7 input.
Being a stable, single parent family is much better for your child than a rollercoaster 2-parent family.
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If you are still going to escort when the child is born also I really don't think that's a stable environment for a child it could put that child at risk whatever way you look at it.
I don't agree. If you don't do incalls in the family home, if you have adequate child-minding/babysitting, if you schedule your appointments around your child's needs, etc, then there's little risk to the stable environment or child's well-being.
Many escorts have children, it's often what draws mothers to prostitution in the first place.
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Being a single mother is far better than staying in a dead-end relationship that you believe is "THE ONE". And yes, I've been there, I thought I would be with that idiot (my ex) - who is 10 years my senior in age, but 10 years my junior in emotional development - for the rest of my life. At the time he was "THE ONE". I now have the gift of hindsight, and can see why I stayed with him when I should have run away fast, and how him leaving me was the best thing that could have happened.
Secretcallgirl has decided to keep the baby. Personally I would stop escorting and - again with the gift of hindsight! - I would talk to the boyfriend about what he wants from the relationship and what he will be doing to support THE FAMILY. Not him, not the baby, but the FAMILY as a whole unit. If he's not prepared to be emotionally mature enough to support (in all ways) a family unit, then you need to be strong and build your own family unit - you and the baby - away from the father without his 24/7 input.
Being a stable, single parent family is much better for your child than a rollercoaster 2-parent family.
Totally agree.
Life isn't a fairy tale unfortunately, there aren't many happy endings re partners staying together forever and raising a lovely family. It does happen I know, but often not.
The key is to make the most of any situation, keep positive and be happy. This often means a split is the best course of action.
Again, only SCG can make the decisions. I'm just offering MY advice, based on MY life history.
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I never said you will have no life having a baby young but you will NEVER get those young years back.
And by the sounds of things they are probably going to split up at some point so she will be a single mum. I'm not saying single mums are bad of course not, but it's not ideal is it. I think before you have a baby which is such a major decision you should actually be sure that's the man you want to spend the rest of you're life with and raise you're child. Not just get caught up in the ''moment''. If you are still going to escort when the child is born also I really don't think that's a stable environment for a child it could put that child at risk whatever way you look at it. If you don't give it up now you will always think 'I want nice things for my baby I'll just do this one job' ect and you will never get out of it.
Sorry, but I'm a single mother and there is no way any risk to my child in what I do for a living, and it certainly doesn't make his life unstable in any way either. In fact I'd like you to explain what you mean by that Kylie?
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I never said you will have no life having a baby young but you will NEVER get those young years back.
And by the sounds of things they are probably going to split up at some point so she will be a single mum. I'm not saying single mums are bad of course not, but it's not ideal is it. I think before you have a baby which is such a major decision you should actually be sure that's the man you want to spend the rest of you're life with and raise you're child. Not just get caught up in the ''moment''. If you are still going to escort when the child is born also I really don't think that's a stable environment for a child it could put that child at risk whatever way you look at it. If you don't give it up now you will always think 'I want nice things for my baby I'll just do this one job' ect and you will never get out of it.
Sorry, but I'm a single mother and there is no way any risk to my child in what I do for a living, and it certainly doesn't make his life unstable in any way either. In fact I'd like you to explain what you mean by that Kylie?
Okay. What we do on a day to day basis is always putting ourselves at risk. Put a baby/child in that equation or anywhere near it and it's not right. If men are coming in you're home even when the baby is not there that is still wrong and they could always come back. If you only do outcalls and a client spots you out with you're baby/child that could cause an unpleasant situation. Coming home often to you're child after sleeping with a few men is just not nice. If anyone found out you could possibly have you're child taken away from you fact, why? Because that child could be at a certain risk. Other than that imagine if it DID get out what you're child would have to deal with. Possibly sever bullying,rejection, maybe being taken away from home if they could prove it, and people would always say 'oh you're the one with the prostitute mum'
If they are at an age where it's not going to affect them as much if it did come out then I suppose that's better and you take that risk, but children look up to their parents and will ask their mummy what they do for a job and wouldn't any mother rather say something at least acceptable in society? You're not exactly going to say 'I'm a prostitute darling' I know what people are going to say you're not a mum you don't understand which is true in some ways, and say they want the best for their child which I have no doubt and that's why they do it. Yes I get that, but the truth is all children want is a happy family. They don't need loads of money. I think there are some great single mums out there but I also believe that it's still better for them to be brought up with a mum and dad at home and I do think that they miss out on certain things that a family unit gives them.
But as cat said I also think that if it's just worked out that that family unit is not possible, one stable loving parent is better than two unstable ones or who argue all the time ect. I know life does not always work out the way you want it to and you just have to do the best you can.
MY opinions not an attack on anyone!
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Some snippage and quotage so that I can reply as succinctly as my brain allows me...!
If men are coming in you're home even when the baby is not there that is still wrong
ANSWER - find an incall place, rent hotel rooms, only do outcalls.
If you only do outcalls and a client spots you out with you're baby/child that could cause an unpleasant situation.
ANSWER - pick your working areas carefully! I don't have young children, but I would never take a booking from my postcode because of the risk of being recognised. And I don't understand why there might be an unpleasant situation if a client sees you with a baby...? Surely he would understand that DISCRETION only works when both parties keep schtum? And why would he be unpleasant about the baby/child in the first place - why would he even care?
Coming home often to you're child after sleeping with a few men is just not nice.
Ooh. Bit Daily Mail. I don't see the problem, as long as Mummy's not telling her child how many men she's been with that day.
If anyone found out you could possibly have you're child taken away from you fact, why? Because that child could be at a certain risk.
Only if you were PUTTING your child at risk, such as bonking punters in the same room/house as the child and the child was witnessing this or being disturbed by it.
the truth is all children want is a happy family. They don't need loads of money.
I AGREE.
I think there are some great single mums out there but I also believe that it's still better for them to be brought up with a mum and dad at home and I do think that they miss out on certain things that a family unit gives them.
I don't agree. And I refer you to my previous post where I stated: "Being a stable, single parent family is much better for your child than a rollercoaster 2-parent family."
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I updated my post with what you said before you actually posted this. I don't know how you can say it's not the ideal/better situation to have two parents who are not a rollercoaster two parent family.
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Off topic bickering posts have been removed. Take it to PM, please.
Once again, if this discussion can't stay on topic (and how different types of family unit work, much less judging total strangers on their parenting skills is not the topic either) it will be locked temporarily so that everybody can reread it and try to remember what it is about.
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I updated my post with what you said before you actually posted this. I don't know how you can say it's not the ideal/better situation to have two parents who are not a rollercoaster two parent family.
I didn't say that at all....? I said "Being a stable, single parent family is much better for your child than a rollercoaster 2-parent family." I was challenging where you stated: "I'm not saying single mums are bad but it's not ideal is it". Being a stable single parent family is FAR better for the child/ren than a unstable 2-parent family.
YES, in an "IDEAL" perfect world, everyone would have 2 loving, emotionally and mentally stable parents. But that's not what I was talking about, and certainly doesn't help the OP.
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You can't have a baby, be an escort, have a boyfriend and keep a double life. Nobody can. Not even wonderwoman. You need to get rid of 2 things from the equation in order to go back to normality and regain your sanity. Which two? You decide.
You can, I worked in a parlour with a girl who had been doing this for years. She's very popular on Manchester scene.
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You can't have a baby, be an escort, have a boyfriend and keep a double life. Nobody can. Not even wonderwoman. You need to get rid of 2 things from the equation in order to go back to normality and regain your sanity. Which two? You decide.
You can, I worked in a parlour with a girl who had been doing this for years. She's very popular on Manchester scene.
Maybe. But it's hardly a nice life to lead.
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You can't have a baby, be an escort, have a boyfriend and keep a double life. Nobody can. Not even wonderwoman. You need to get rid of 2 things from the equation in order to go back to normality and regain your sanity. Which two? You decide.
You can, I worked in a parlour with a girl who had been doing this for years. She's very popular on Manchester scene.
Maybe. But it's hardly a nice life to lead.
So does everyone in your life know what you do Kylie?
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Katie a lot of us keep our occupations closeted. It's somehow easy when you're a free and single, but not so easy to hide when in a relationship (any lady here can tell you how nerve-wracking it is and the feelings of guilt that come with it). I mean..being pregnant AND with a non supportive partner is stressful enough, add the closeted WG girl occupation to the "combo" and it becomes a little bit too much. In fact, the initial rant of the OP was about how much all this situation was stressing her and what to do about it. Then she reached the conclusion that the escort job had to go (fair enough and perfectly understandable). kimmy said that there was some lady in Manchester who managed pretty well in this situation, good for her. I also know a woman who's president of a big company, has seven kids and a husband with parkinson disease. I don't know how she does it. She's amazingly organized, gets 4 hours of sleep every night and must have some sort of super human powers. I envy her. And If the OP manages to bring the bread to the table, have a relationship and bring a healthy baby to a stable and loving enviroment while being happy I'm going to envy her too.
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You can't have a baby, be an escort, have a boyfriend and keep a double life. Nobody can. Not even wonderwoman. You need to get rid of 2 things from the equation in order to go back to normality and regain your sanity. Which two? You decide.
You can, I worked in a parlour with a girl who had been doing this for years. She's very popular on Manchester scene.
Maybe. But it's hardly a nice life to lead.
So does everyone in your life know what you do Kylie?
I don't know why you're asking me like that. My close friends and family do yes why? I would never be in a position where I had to tell such massive lies to the people I love. I'm lucky to have good friends and family that might not agree with it but will always stick by me. I don't believe you get anywhere lying and cheating you're way through life.
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Kylie, it's great that you can be open with your nearest and dearest, but not everybody's situation is like yours and you need to stop making these judgemental posts about people who do things differently to you - have you any idea how some women have been treated when people found out they were prostitutes? How do you think it feels to have somebody go up to your seven year old child and tell her that her mummy has AIDS and will die soon, for example? That happened to somebody I know.
Other people fear a violent reaction from their partners and are only working to try and save up enough money to get themselves and their families well away from them; others hold responsible jobs in areas where sex work is frowned upon to the extent it would result in instant dismissal and the end of a career they may have studied and worked towards for years. Other lucky ladies in some parts of the UK have had their names, addresses and photographs published in their local papers and been hounded from their homes as a result. There is a lot to be said for keeping it to yourself.
I'm not going to repeat the point that Emily has made once already in the last few hours, but can you please read what you've written a little more carefully before pressing the 'Post' button? You are as welcome to contribute to all discussions as everybody else here and we are happy to have you, but you really need to think before making these sweeping statements as there will always be someone who falls into the group you're talking about, and quite understandably gets upset.
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I completely understand what you are saying and I feel for those people I really do. I know everyone's situation is different and I'm not judging anyone. But I'm being asked a question by Katie how do I answer it then? Without being honest? Or do I just not answer it.
And do you remember in my post if you read it on this thread I said that's exactly the sort of thing that could happen to an innocent child if people found out their mum was a prostitute.
I am also an extreamly private person and don't just go shouting it about or telling random people or people where I live for example. I know how narrow minded and judgemental people are, so I would never be stupid enough to put myself in that kind of situation or at risk of being exposed in a way like you said. I keep myself very much to myself. I just think that once you start lying to the people you love it's never going to end well.
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I completely understand what you are saying and I feel for those people I really do. I know everyone's situation is different and I'm not judging anyone. But I'm being asked a question by Katie how do I answer it then? Without being honest? Or do I just not answer it.
And do you remember in my post if you read it on this thread I said that's exactly the sort of thing that could happen to an innocent child if people found out their mum was a prostitute.
Why don't you just PM Katie?
This isn't what this thread is supposed to be about.
SCG I hope you are coping ok, whatever you choose we are all here to support you. Yes you have some hard choices to make. Maybe be practical about it and write some advantages/disadvantages about your various options. If nothing else it will organise your thoughts better. I think the decision ultimately has to be yours, as you have to live with the consequences. I hope that whatever you choose you and your child will be happy and healthy.
xx
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I completely understand what you are saying and I feel for those people I really do. I know everyone's situation is different and I'm not judging anyone. But I'm being asked a question by Katie how do I answer it then? Without being honest? Or do I just not answer it.
And do you remember in my post if you read it on this thread I said that's exactly the sort of thing that could happen to an innocent child if people found out their mum was a prostitute.
Why don't you just PM Katie?
This isn't what this thread is supposed to be about.
Exactly it's not, she should have pmed me! But I don't want to start getting into arguments with people via pm either.
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I also hope that SCG makes the right decision for her and her baby and really do wish them well. You have to do what is going to make you happy and what is best for you're baby. Maybe you should find someone you can confined in outside this job SCG that knows you and can give you some first hand advice. I think everyone needs at least one person they can really trust and talk to outside this job.
Good luck xxx
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Kylie, I have a child, a family who I am on shakey terms with, an ex-husband who would dearly love to screw me over in any way he can, and a boyfriend who I adore. And it's because of these things that I cannot ever tell anyone what I do. As Amy said it's great that you're in a position where you can tell the people who are important to you what you do, but a hell of a lot of us aren't in any such position for various reasons! It's really unfair of you to make such general comments judging those of us who are single parents, or can't tell people what we do! There's enough people that want to judge WGs, and make sweeping generalizations about us without us getting it from someone in a place like this where we should never be judged.
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Look they are just my opinions on the subject. Things that I believe. Fair enough alot of family's would go mental and an ex partner like you said could cause serious trouble. But if I had a boyfriend who I really loved and who loved me for example, I would either just tell them, wouldn't be with them in the first place or I wouldn't do escorting. It's not fair on them either is it? How long can you keep lying to partners ect for? Until you're caught out? It's not good for anyone. I just see things in a differnt way to other people. I really am not judging anyone. We are here to support eachother. I just think people need to realise what they are doing sometimes and it frustrates me. I actually want to help and advise it just comes out in the wrong way sometimes! Lol x
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I just hope you never find yourself in the same position that a lot of us are, it's not nice, trust me. x x x x
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You?re very lucky Kylie that your family is very accepting of you occupation. I?m the same, I?m blessed to have family that may not jump up and down with joy about the choice I?ve made but love and accept me nonetheless (well as long I don?t completely rub their noses in it and promise not to post any smutty pics online ;D) I think I see the point that you?re trying to make about having to lie to loved ones (i.e that?s it?s not a good idea and must be a heavy emotional emotional burden to bear) but you need to understand that if people feel they can?t disclose their occupation to relatives it?s probably for very good reasons. It is not for us to question that decision or suggest one approach is better than another.