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Author Topic: Essential tools of the job  (Read 16804 times)

Lilly1230

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #30 on: 01 April 2009, 09:37:23 pm »
LOL! I can just hear that conversation

"Now son if you ever pay for nookie, make sure you take a good wash round your nether regions before you get there. Oh and wear clean pants"

anonymoussw

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #31 on: 01 April 2009, 09:38:28 pm »
That's certainly how I intend to bring up my kids...
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
"if" - Rudyard Kipling

blondie1

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #32 on: 02 April 2009, 12:11:03 am »
Air freshener in a prominent position next to loo with a large "please use after pooing" sign!!

I had a coach driver visit me who had driven from about 250 miles away that morning.  He asked to use the bathroom and seemed to be in there a while.  I thought, good, he's having a good wash (he could have had a shower if he'd wanted one but he'd declined when I offered).  He eventually emerged from the bathroom leaving the door wide open and joined me in the bedroom.  It quickly became apparent that he hadn't had a good wash at all as my nostrils began to twitch - first from his body odour then from the awful stench seeping from the open bathroom door into the bedroom.  I realised that I hadn't heard any water running whilst he'd been in the bathroom.  He'd had a poo (and from the stench I can only assume a rat had crawled up his arse and died there!) and hadn't bothered to spray (I keep air freshener right next to the loo) or wash his hands (or anything else for that matter!) and left the bathroom door open so I could "share" the stench.



anonymoussw

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #33 on: 02 April 2009, 12:27:28 am »
Air freshener in a prominent position next to loo with a large "please use after pooing" sign!!

I had a coach driver visit me who had driven from about 250 miles away that morning.  He asked to use the bathroom and seemed to be in there a while.  I thought, good, he's having a good wash (he could have had a shower if he'd wanted one but he'd declined when I offered).  He eventually emerged from the bathroom leaving the door wide open and joined me in the bedroom.  It quickly became apparent that he hadn't had a good wash at all as my nostrils began to twitch - first from his body odour then from the awful stench seeping from the open bathroom door into the bedroom.  I realised that I hadn't heard any water running whilst he'd been in the bathroom.  He'd had a poo (and from the stench I can only assume a rat had crawled up his arse and died there!) and hadn't bothered to spray (I keep air freshener right next to the loo) or wash his hands (or anything else for that matter!) and left the bathroom door open so I could "share" the stench.

Mmmmm, romantic...
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
"if" - Rudyard Kipling

UrbaneAspects

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #34 on: 02 April 2009, 09:39:42 am »
Air freshener in a prominent position next to loo with a large "please use after pooing" sign!!

I had a coach driver visit me who had driven from about 250 miles away that morning.  He'd had a poo (and from the stench I can only assume a rat had crawled up his arse and died there!) and hadn't bothered to spray (I keep air freshener right next to the loo) or wash his hands (or anything else for that matter!) and left the bathroom door open so I could "share" the stench.

ROFL!  That is hilarious! Oh my gosh..Now thats just crazy. You know, there has been times I've had bookings where Im expecting to be 'the bottom' and I will not hesistate to summer's eve myself in a single restroom at a gas station. I carry my disinfectants so I dont worry either. Last thing I want is to be having to embarrasse myself like that. There has been one time where I did so at a hotel, but I explained that since he wanted to meet 'now' that I'd have to clean up. It was a biggish bathroom and I had already been a bit clean earlier so no big deal!

Too much info huh LOL

Anika Mae

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #35 on: 02 April 2009, 12:09:04 pm »
Oh, that reminded me of an experience just the other night. A bit into the session he was lying on his back asking me to fuck him, so I started investigating his arse. It was wet and I asked if he'd put some lube there already. He said no, so I looked closer and there was a light brown wet stain on the sheet. He'd wanted to be clean for me so he pointed the shower up his arse and I guess didn't spend that essential time on the loo afterwards. I'm glad I was at his place.

anonymoussw

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #36 on: 02 April 2009, 12:27:06 pm »
Hahaha

Where did he think that water was going to go?
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
"if" - Rudyard Kipling

blondie1

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #37 on: 02 April 2009, 01:53:05 pm »
It's also a good idea to carry a small air freshener/body spray for outcalls to use just in case you get caught short yourself!  :-[  I was booked for a 2 hour outcall to a hotel.  I'd been there about 10 minutes and was well into giving the guy a bj when I felt the unmistakeable rumble that signals a quick dash to the loo required.  I thought "oh no" and tried my best to ignore it - I thought "ignore it, ignore it, it will go way".  But it didn't go away.  Several griping pains later I had to stop and make a dash for the bathroom - apologising on the way.  I'd left it too long to stop and excuse myself with dignity!  Once I'd made it safely to the loo I tried my best to make it as quiet as I could but as I'd held onto it for so long my body was determined to explode it out of me! :-[  So it was obvious what I was doing in there!  After what seemed like an eternity and wondering what the guy was thinking I was finally ready to exit the bathroom.  I looked around desperately for something to spray (hopefully his deodorant) but there was none there! Luckily I'd brought some body spray with me but it was in my case (I'd grapped by bag on the way to the loo but left my case next the bed).  I then had to go back into the room and retrieve my spray from the case whilst trying to make light of the situation saying something like "oops, sorry, this is so embarrassing... I shouldn't go in there for a while".  Luckily, he saw the funny side and the rest of the booking went well. 

UrbaneAspects

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #38 on: 02 April 2009, 07:24:15 pm »
He'd wanted to be clean for me so he pointed the shower up his arse and I guess didn't spend that essential time on the loo afterwards. I'm glad I was at his place.

Ewwww!!!!! How disgusting!  Gee, there's a right way and there's a wrong way. And when its the wrong way it just isnt right!

Besides, How do you manage to get water in your ass without needing to 'go' right away? And you never said, did you end up fucking him? Causes I'd been like...you need to take care of that first lol

Anika Mae

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #39 on: 03 April 2009, 12:40:53 am »
He was entirely unperturbed and took care of it, so we got on with things without any further complications.

UrbaneAspects

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #40 on: 04 April 2009, 08:44:57 am »
He was entirely unperturbed and took care of it, so we got on with things without any further complications.

perfect!

cassie

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #41 on: 05 April 2009, 11:15:48 pm »
Back to essentials:

Dental Dams
latex gloves
silk scarves for tie and tease or blindfold
tissues
mouthwash
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the ground in the morning, Satan shudders and says: "Oh shit, she's awake!"

Lilly1230

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #42 on: 07 April 2009, 09:03:43 pm »
I gotta ask Cassie, in my perhaps naive voice, what's the latex gloves for? Be gentle!

UrbaneAspects

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #43 on: 07 April 2009, 09:15:02 pm »
what's the latex gloves for? Be gentle!

fisting! Massages? maybe....but I think its for fisting  :-X

anonymoussw

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Re: Essential tools of the job
« Reply #44 on: 08 April 2009, 10:11:28 am »
what's the latex gloves for? Be gentle!

fisting! Massages? maybe....but I think its for fisting  :-X

OMG

And for the second time in two months I have to ask... Straight people do that?

I am obviously really uneducated when it comes to the sex lives of you weird heterosexuals...
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
"if" - Rudyard Kipling