I was just pondering on how as an escort i sometimes feel as if the normal rules of human behaviour that govern how others treat you have gone out of the window and i have turned into someone who some people feel they can try and take the water out of at every given opportunity.

Prime example being a regular private client who i have. I used to do overnights with him but stopped them for personal reasons (which i fully explained) i made it very clear that overnights were no longer an option for me and never will be again.

So he text-ed me asking for a booking on Saturday,i replied that would not be a problem. He only got round to asking for booking after various missed phonecalls and texts asking if i could talk. To which my text-ed reply was 'do you want to make a booking?' as i am not prepared to waste half an hour of my life having a phone conversation with him that doesn't result in a booking (he often talks about how he considers me a 'friend',he doesn't seem deterred by the fact that i never agree say i consider him my friend,which i clearly don't as he is a client only.
So then the next text says that if he books a hotel for us in my home city will i do an overnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean i have only explained to him several thousand times that i don't do them anymore. I said no and he instead agreed on a 4 hour booking.

So yesterday i get a phonecall from him which i missed,i text him to ask what he wanted and he asked could i talk as he wanted to discuss Saturdays arrangements. I text back and asked what he wanted to discuss about it as the arrangements were already made. His reply was he wanted to know if i wanted him to book a hotel or would i travel to his house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is quite clear that he is trying to manipulate the situation to his own ends,he pushes and pushes my buttons and even though he is nice to me when i see him his behaviour in between shows a complete disregard for my boundaries. I do honestly feel i am living on an alternative universe where i say one thing and my clients hear another!

Anyway i told him no i could not possibly travel to his for a 4 hour booking on a Saturday night,he lives nearly an hour away from me and i would end up getting home at about 1am. Quite frankly though i feel like telling him to naff off and that i don't want to see him again as hes doing my head in.

Then i get a text from him at 9.30pm last night asking if i had changed to another agency and my details had only gone up on their site an hour beforehand. I feel really uncomfortable with the thought of someone taking that much of an interest in me and trawling the internet but maybye its just part and parcel of being an escort.

Sorry for the rambling,dont even know what im wanting to say really,just needed to let off the steam.

Thanks Violette,you are totally right of course.

Just received another little gem of a text message from self same client which goes as follows (my work phone has been switched off as he knows it often is when im not working)

'Honey why are you ignoring me? you do not seem to want to speak to me anymore and we used to talk all the time. Has something changed between us? are you scared of me?'

Now after i had 3 double jack Daniels and a long lie down to calm my shredded nerves i am wondering how best to respond? clearly our 'relationship' (as were) has reached the end of the line? The man is clearly not in the correct headspace to accept that our relationship is that of a client/escort. I have tried explaining to him before that this is nothing but a business arrangement and never will be,he has said he understands but clearly not.

Incidentally he is also delusional as i at no point in the time i have known him have we ever been in regular phone contact. In fact i could count on one hand the number of times we have spoken by phone on one hand and have a finger to spare! Ive  always tried to arrange our bookings via text message so as to avoid getting drawn into long phone conversations with him (which he always attempts to do)

In fact i might need another 3 double Jack Daniels to calm me down again now Ive typed this!

Apologies by the way if I'm posting in wrong section as i realise this has now swung into more of an 'advice' thread.

I can really understand being worked up. These kinds of clients definitely know how to get right under your skin (like one of these bugs: http://bit.ly/fkhOI) and I *really don't like* when they do the innocent "what have I done, oh cruel lady??!!1" thing because I don't think for a second that they are the ones being toyed with. They are definitely doing the toying and it's really unpleasant when they force all this extra interaction on you - especially in your own PERSONAL time. They may waste theirs as they see fit, of course!

I have one who text me after our last booking (I basically threw him out (and gave his money back) because he just comes to my house and hangs around for HOURS, trying to find out all my secrets and personal stuff rather than wanting normal sex like a normal client - I end up stressing about him for an extra day or two after I see him, every time, because I just feel so ick about my personal boundaries ). Anyway, he text me with a grovelling apology for being "so boring" and not entertaining me and I was like, what? That's totally not the issue! I think he's trying to confuse me on purpose because he wants to distract me from the main issue of what-is-he-doing.

Ugh!! Writing all this down is reminding me how p*ssed off he makes me! I don't think I even meant to head in that direction when I started my post, lol.

I think the only useful thing I can say is something you already know well - it's far better to come to saafe and let it all out than to get drawn into a conversation with these guys, because they know how to play the Hurt, Apologetic, Misunderstood and Innocent cards all too well so you end up feeling like you're somehow in the wrong. When you know you're not and so do we!

Hi Colette

I remember you posting about this guy before and am sorry to hear things are starting up again. 

Firstly, you have to consider this - how much do you make out of this client?  If you lose this one, how much will it dent into your income?  Is he a good paying regular client?  Consider those questions, however................

Secondly, consider this - how much does it grate on you all this damn texting, calling etc?  How much is it affecting your life?  Would you really feel as though a weight is lifted off your shoulders if you never hear from him again? 

These are, I think, points to be taken into consideration. 

On the one hand, I thought maybe this is just a run of the mill client that needs a little education - education as in = texting an escort over and over again is not an option.  Some clients seriously get off on texting us day and night and I think this is because they enter fantasy world with us and it's almost like having a mistress to them, and they fail to appreciate that we have many other clients to service and more importantly that when we are not working then we have very private personal lives and the last thing we want is millions of texts discussing work!!!! 

I think he is getting rather childish making references to you being scared and you ignoring him and I think the only option you have for now is to curtly tell him that you are not ignoring him and that you are no way scared of him (I mean what is there to be scared of?) but tell him that when you are not working you could very well be with family, friends or doing very personal things that are in your own personal time and as such you are not able to take calls nor respond to texts as that is only for work time. 

I think you need to just reiterate to him that when you are not working then the phone is off and you are not in "work mode".  Explain that everyone needs time out and so do you. 

I would also reiterate to him your feelings on overnight bookings and say that stands.  Tell him you don't do overnights and it is your decision and you would hope that as he is such a nice gentleman then he would respect your decision. 

Some guys, I think, play on our weaknesses.  Some of them like to have the upper hand and it's almost like a feeling of empowerment to them and yes they push push push the buttons till we explode.  I know as I have been there and I think it is just a matter of developing a thick skin. 

For example, I had a very nice regular who got into the habit of texting me before bookings.  One text, ok, two texts, mmmmm, three texts and this is all why I am trying to get ready for the damn booking!!!!  Then I get the I can be early, how long will you be?  How much longer will it take you ??  In the end I rang and said "Look, whilst I am trying to get ready for your booking, you are holding me back by texting me and putting me under pressure!!!  If you just wait then I will get ready for the desired time without any delays!!!!! 

Some guys, you see, get off on the constant texting and I have been known to say to many clients I HATE TEXTING!!!!    As a good friend of mine said recently "I wish free texting was never allowed!!!"

Anyway Colette, I hope some of what I have said above helps you.  I do remember you had this situation before and I think in summary you just need to weigh up how much you need that business. 

Don't apologise for bad grammar either - you are just fine as you are (and write!)
Love
Alex xxxx

Hi Alex

Thankyou for your advice,it is much appreciated.

Yes it is the same client as before,he just does not seem to learn. I have already told him on several occasions that personal reasons mean i can no longer do overnight bookings. He just does not seem to listen,i think he believes that if he lets it slide for a bit and then asks again that i will change my mind and say yes.

With regards to him calling/texting when I'm not working this is also an issue we have previously discussed. Up until recently i worked through an agency and i had asked him to only contact me when i am down on their website calender as offering in calls and then i can communicate with him. I have a fiance who i live with who would strongly object to me contacting clients in our private time together,especially if the contact was not going to end in a booking being made!

He stuck to this rule for a bit but gradually started texting me outside of my working hours. I was making sure i did not respond until i was at work at my incall place (hoping he might get the hint) but it didn't work. Then i left the agency and he must have felt he had free rein to contact me whenever he wants.
I'm afraid my attitude to contacting clients between bookings extends as far as arranging my next appointment with them and that's that. In my eyes no other contact is required until i actually see them face to face. I have never done anything to make him think otherwise really which makes his behaviour all the more puzzling.
He isn't such a regular client that i rely on him for my income,yes the moneys nice but i would still make enough from my agency work (just joined another one) and my other private clients.

To be honest my instinct tells me that i could reiterate my boundaries until the cows come home and he would still try and find ways to get round them. He frankly is causing me nothing but stress and at the moment the thought of never seeing him again is a very tempting one. The way he goes on  and stresses me out also irritates my fiance beyond measure and i really dont think any amount of money is worth upsetting him and causing arguments between us.

To be honest my instinct tells me that i could reiterate my boundaries until the cows come home and he would still try and find ways to get round them

....and this is why 

His reply is that i have changed since i joined my last agency and not for the better. Apparantly i used to be a lovely girl and now if i look in the mirror i will be able to see the difference.
But he wishes me the best and holds no ill will alledgedly.

How much you wanna bet that won't be the last you hear from him?

It is clients that make some escorts want to go postal! Good grief, what a total and complete utter righteous f%$king asshole! Sorry for the vulgar language, but my question here is how could you have put up with the self centered narcissistic c^*t for so long? He is making my blood boil!