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Author Topic: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?  (Read 2823 times)

Kiss

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #15 on: 22 August 2022, 04:54:08 pm »
I've disconnected from many people oitside of sex work but .there's a lovely lady who has become a really support to me from here we chat about everything .
I'm burnt out and trying to maintain friendships has proved difficult for me .

Tickle

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #16 on: 27 August 2022, 03:57:25 pm »
It's that old belief that if a woman gets paid for sex then she must be a 24 hour slag and totally devoid of any morals or standards.

I said to a client once I don't sleep with anyone. The client scoffed and said "But you're a prostitute". Well yes but even so. I turn down most clients and in my private life am more a relationship than sex person. I hate the idea of sleeping around. For me sex is something you have in a relationship. Sex work is about the money and to make up for a life situation not of my choosing.

As for women friends I was in a place the other year away from home where I could "decloak" and discuss it. One had actually been sex trafficked which is why I opened up. The conversations got nowhere meaningful. We just didn't have the time for it, really.

I've had men friends in similar straits who did work on the side. Thinking back I've heard some men say it's unfair that when they're stuck for options it's okay for women as when times are tight they can just spread their legs. Mind you I've known other men make judgmental comments.

BJC

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #17 on: 24 September 2022, 04:54:52 am »
I ended up losing what was once a close friend because of my job. She used to accept it and me just fins, then she found out her husband had been using escorts. She decided to give him another chance, but kept referring to the escort she'd caught him seeing as that "cheap slay" etc and her resentment for the sex workers was just unfathomable to me- they didn't cheat, he did? She started making sly little digs aimed at what I do until I had it out with her. I told her the problem was him. Not the women. She said if the sex work didn't exist then the temptation wouldn't be there. To which I said so if the same girl had shown an interest in him and no money was exchanged you think he wouldn't have cheated? She just couldn't understand ( or didn't want to understand?!) what I was saying to her. In the end we parted ways, I told her that if she wasn't strong enough to leave him that was her issue, and even though it's easier to blame the "cheap slags and homewreckers" that your husband actively sought out I think we both know where the blame lies.
I heard through the grape vine that he got caught a couple more times and shes still with him. I'm sad for her but her bitterness toward what I do made it impossible for me to be there for her.
They tried to bury us.
They didn't know we were seeds.

Boudoir

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #18 on: 24 September 2022, 01:34:26 pm »
I only started as a sex worker a few years ago so have been a civvy person for well over 50 years with a very broad ranging long term circle of friends. I have one sex worker friend whom I met on here and have met up with in person several times. I really value that friendship despite the differences in our age, cultural backgrounds and geographical distance.

It got hard to keep fibbing to all my other friends when they asked how work was going, and so I decided to tell the ones whom I see most often what I really do, including my best friend. They don't know each other so I see them each individually.

Having told them, each had exactly the same reaction after "Oh my God!"  i.e how do I keep myself safe, how does it work, where do I go, what sort of men do I meet, what's the money like etc.

Since then, once the oddity (to them) of me living in a parallel universe had abated, our friendships have continued exactly as before. We chat about our families, friends and mutual interests, we meet up to eat out or trot around some beautiful scenery, have a giggle, console, encourage and support each other.

What I'm getting at here is that I realise having my civvy friends is so important to who I am, not what I do for a living, and we still have all the other same things in common and shared histories. Being me, not sex worker me, is validated by continuing my friendships, and that helps me keep a balanced outlook on my life and keep my sanity in place.

Lushblossom

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #19 on: 07 November 2022, 09:18:17 am »
No as there is more to life than just chatting about jobs.

lillybliss

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #20 on: 07 November 2022, 12:50:10 pm »
Thats true lol!.

NorthernZest

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #21 on: 08 November 2022, 02:52:45 am »
The biggest disconnect in my case are the schedules - most of my jobs happen well after the A4 work hours (and often on weekends). Other than that, the dynamics probably differ somewhat, since I'm a dude with mostly male social circle. I grumble about my work, they grumble about theirs, and nobody really gives it much of a thought aside from finding my work anecdotes entertaining.

Lushblossom

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #22 on: 08 November 2022, 07:55:39 am »
I did used to have a friend Who was convinced I would get prolapse and be unable to have sex soon.

I stopped the.friendship for other reasons but I think she was a bit jugdgemental.

lillybliss

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Re: Do you find it harder to find common ground with civvy female friends?
« Reply #23 on: 08 November 2022, 06:10:35 pm »
Oh ya think LB lol!  ;D. people can be soo judgy at times.