SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: northernstar on 11 August 2020, 04:29:04 pm
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Question to the ladies who chose not to pursue a marriage/relationship/children. Im currently in my mid to late 20s and have been thinking a lot lately about whether or not completely discard relationships and focus purely on this business, focus on hobbies, make investments etc. I increasingly feel like I might be missing out and trading lots of money from prostitution for the possibility of finding a fulfilling marriage. I keep thinking, what if I fuck my life up and end up alone ugly and childless?? feel that it’s very difficult to have it all and one needs to give up one or the other.
Thoughts ?
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For me I'm focusing on buying a property whilst I'm still young. I don't intend on doing this forever.
I'm not looking for a relationship right now and do want kids at some point.
Finding a partner who can accept us doing this work could be tricky. One of my exes made me choose, him or the job.
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As someone just coming out of the menopause, I can say no, no regrets to being childless. I think I've have done OK if it had happened, but I was never broody, and I've enjoyed being able to do what I want when I want. A relationship (on my grounds!) would be nice in terms of holidays, meals out etc., but even that I think there's a trade-off with having your own space.
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I'm likely to remain childless due to life choices, age and a few other situational reasons.
Didn't stop me from getting into a relationship and making a commitment when the right person, right relationship happened. To have children now would be too much of a shock, got enough in our lives.
My advice is go with your instincts, don't write anything off get on with your plans.
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I’d also say don’t stress about what you can’t control.
We can’t always have children/find a partner even when we want to (unless you plan to settle) so enjoy your life now and if/when it feels like you would like those things, then make a change. There will be trade offs (£££s) but trust your instincts and you’ll know if it’s the time for you. Plus it’s never too late to find love (People do it at all ages in life) and there are options around adoption/fostering if you leave kids until later.
If you are worried, maybe make a plan for yourself limiting how many years you plan to do this kind of work and what the purpose/goal of the earnings is, that way you’ll know when you’ll be switched on for the other stuff (be flexible though - you might meet your dream guy/gal at the supermarket tomorrow ;)
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I already have a child. Don't think having a partner is impossible but definitely difficult.
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I have met far too many people who are old and lonely, they hate their lives and feel jealous of friends who have someone to share their lives with and kids and grandkids to marvel over in their twilight years. Things might seem fine in your 30s and 40s but loneliness is a chronic and terrible affliction for the elderly that affects mental health and well being so much so they have charities to help.
Always aim for marriage and kids is what I say or yes you will miss out. Really want to spend your Christmas holidays in your 60s and 70s and 80s solo looking back and wishing you had taken a different path? Noone to care for you when sick or chat to over breakfast about the madness in the world?
I miss my ex, probably lost my chance at marriage and a house full of four legged friends don't quite fit the bill.
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Question to the ladies who chose not to pursue a marriage/relationship/children. Im currently in my mid to late 20s and have been thinking a lot lately about whether or not completely discard relationships and focus purely on this business, focus on hobbies, make investments etc. I increasingly feel like I might be missing out and trading lots of money from prostitution for the possibility of finding a fulfilling marriage. I keep thinking, what if I fuck my life up and end up alone ugly and childless?? feel that it’s very difficult to have it all and one needs to give up one or the other.
Thoughts ?
The most important thing is that you remain true to yourself. After that, everything else will fall in place. I started my escorting career almost accidentally when I was a teenager, so I don't have a traditional background experience for comparison, but I wouldn't change anything. I bought my own home early, put myself through school that I was interested in, traveled like crazy, learned how to handle money/be self-sufficient, and focused on personal growth and my future before I got serious about dating. Eventually I tried dating, which is many long stories in itself. Separate from that experience I found a wonderful partner in a friend who I had known forever and already knew everything about me, including my enduring loyalty to whoring. Once you realize your are comfortable with who you are, everyone with different opinions or wants you to change can fuck off.
It was an important self realization that my career defines who I am in terms of its demands on me and my schedule each day, but not the kind of person I am. I realized it was important to me that I have a partner who I can share everything about my life and they accept who I am, including my choice of career. And that goes two ways, it's important to remember to take care of people in your life who support you. I've always enjoyed having two distinct sides, my outer personality who gets along with (most) people, and my inner whore who enjoys working dozens of men each month for lots of money.
I do plan to have children, although that will bring new challenges, starting with not working for so long while pregnant or for months (?) after that. My recommendation is find time to do things you really enjoy and be ready for changes. Realize that your job puts unusual pressures on you, but don't let your job cause you to withdrawal from friends or society. I wouldn't allow a partner tell me I should quit my regular long distance runs any more than my shagging habits. If you decide that you'd rather settle down and take a break or retire, that's fine too. But it's your choice, not anyone else's. Just keep in mind that if a guy doesn't like you because of your SW career, he probably won't like you for having a former SW career either. Better to find someone that is open and accepting. In the meantime be thankful that you can support yourself and not worry about money--at least in normal years.
So, don't worry, enjoy your life, and keep your eyes open for new changes.
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Question to the ladies who chose not to pursue a marriage/relationship/children. Im currently in my mid to late 20s and have been thinking a lot lately about whether or not completely discard relationships and focus purely on this business, focus on hobbies, make investments etc. I increasingly feel like I might be missing out and trading lots of money from prostitution for the possibility of finding a fulfilling marriage. I keep thinking, what if I fuck my life up and end up alone ugly and childless?? feel that it’s very difficult to have it all and one needs to give up one or the other.
Thoughts ?
I decided to stay single for many years until one time while pushing a trolley he spoke to me and fast forward 3 years later together. Love does happen, I focused on myself and unexpectedly my love appeared. He is out there for you.
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The most important thing is that you remain true to yourself. After that, everything else will fall in place. I started my escorting career almost accidentally when I was a teenager, so I don't have a traditional background experience for comparison, but I wouldn't change anything. I bought my own home early, put myself through school that I was interested in, traveled like crazy, learned how to handle money/be self-sufficient, and focused on personal growth and my future before I got serious about dating. Eventually I tried dating, which is many long stories in itself. Separate from that experience I found a wonderful partner in a friend who I had known forever and already knew everything about me, including my enduring loyalty to whoring. Once you realize your are comfortable with who you are, everyone with different opinions or wants you to change can fuck off.
It was an important self realization that my career defines who I am in terms of its demands on me and my schedule each day, but not the kind of person I am. I realized it was important to me that I have a partner who I can share everything about my life and they accept who I am, including my choice of career. And that goes two ways, it's important to remember to take care of people in your life who support you. I've always enjoyed having two distinct sides, my outer personality who gets along with (most) people, and my inner whore who enjoys working dozens of men each month for lots of money.
I do plan to have children, although that will bring new challenges, starting with not working for so long while pregnant or for months (?) after that. My recommendation is find time to do things you really enjoy and be ready for changes. Realize that your job puts unusual pressures on you, but don't let your job cause you to withdrawal from friends or society. I wouldn't allow a partner tell me I should quit my regular long distance runs any more than my shagging habits. If you decide that you'd rather settle down and take a break or retire, that's fine too. But it's your choice, not anyone else's. Just keep in mind that if a guy doesn't like you because of your SW career, he probably won't like you for having a former SW career either. Better to find someone that is open and accepting. In the meantime be thankful that you can support yourself and not worry about money--at least in normal years.
So, don't worry, enjoy your life, and keep your eyes open for new changes.
Hello PS,
I’m envious of your position of having started this very early on and basically being “sorted” by hour mid twenties in terms of housing and education. I wish I had the sense to start then but have wasted years believing it’s “wrong” and how “I’ll never make money with my body it’s disgusting”. Instead I’ve been drifting aimlessly and tangled in abusive broken relationships. I’m also stuck in a corporate job I despise. If only time travel was possible. I’m 28 soon and started this a few years ago. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and now working tirelessly to “catch up” and make as much as possible to hop on the property ladder and make a career u turn.
Essentially I am focused to accomplish what you have done ages ago, but massively worried that whilst I am on it, I’ll be past my “best years” and we know the dating options begin to diminish after 30 (sorry!).
Happy to know you’ve got an accepting partner who knew you before and after. I did have a relationship for a year and he knew, but it took him time to accept that or af least manage it in his head. Eventually we broke up as he went with someone his parents considered a “better” match. Someone untainted and proper I guess... :(
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Essentially I am focused to accomplish what you have done ages ago, but massively worried that whilst I am on it, I’ll be past my “best years” and we know the dating options begin to diminish after 30 (sorry!).
Where did you get that from??? I'm in my mid 40's and I have no issues dating, I'm actually more popular now than when I was 26!. What DOES diminish after 30 is your reproduction capacity, yes you will start producing less ovules. Getting pregnant is definately more difficult when you're 36 than when you're 26. If you're looking for a partner who wants to breed have kids he will always look for younger/more fertile women, so you have a point (sort of).
But dating? hell no! I've heard my friends grandma is breaking hearts in her senior home.Dating is timeless :-)
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This - love it. So true as so many relationships break up when you meet in your 20s (myself included - divorces by 30) and people find love in later life all the time. There are so many options out there!
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Where did you get that from??? I'm in my mid 40's and I have no issues dating, I'm actually more popular now than when I was 26!. What DOES diminish after 30 is your reproduction capacity, yes you will start producing less ovules. Getting pregnant is definately more difficult when you're 36 than when you're 26. If you're looking for a partner to wants to breed have kids he will always look for younger/more fertile women, so you have a point (sort of).
But dating? hell no! I've heard my friends grandma is breaking hearts in her senior home.Dating is timeless :-)
I meant the whole marriage and kids thing, its a biological fact that time works against women and our attractiveness diminishes with age. In terms of dating, sure can at any age. I mean that the men who do want kids will overlook me in favour of the 21yos. And that’s gonna hurt.
Breaking hearts in senior homes is GOALS!
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I meant the whole marriage and kids thing, its a biological fact that time works against women and our attractiveness diminishes with age. In terms of dating, sure can at any age. I mean that the men who do want kids will overlook me in favour of the 21yos. And that’s gonna hurt.
Breaking hearts in senior homes is GOALS!
No, our attractiveness doesn't diminish with age at all and I'm very sorry you personally feel like that. I myself feel waaay more attractive now in my forties than when I was a tomboy'sh 26 yr old going to raves on the weekends. Men looking to breed will look for younger/fertile types, it's sad but true, so if that's your goal (finding a breeder man and popping out a couple of kids) you will defo need to take your biological clock into consideration and not leave it for too late, otherwise there's always adoption ;)
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This may sound mental but I think if I stopped doing sex work then I would be missing out because I would stop being able to give good head! I would get too rusty! ;D
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No, our attractiveness doesn't diminish with age at all
Indeed it does not - I look far better at forty seven than I did at twenty seven, and I'm even marginally less of a cunt thanks to mellowing a hell of a lot over the last twenty or so years :D. Fertility, yes. Attractiveness, no.
I have met far too many people who are old and lonely, they hate their lives and feel jealous of friends who have someone to share their lives with and kids and grandkids to marvel over in their twilight years. Things might seem fine in your 30s and 40s but loneliness is a chronic and terrible affliction for the elderly that affects mental health and well being so much so they have charities to help.
Always aim for marriage and kids is what I say or yes you will miss out. Really want to spend your Christmas holidays in your 60s and 70s and 80s solo looking back and wishing you had taken a different path? Noone to care for you when sick or chat to over breakfast about the madness in the world?
You're obviously meeting the people with no friends or interests, and/or who can't stand their own company. And loneliness is nothing to do with being alone or not being married - plenty of people are lonely even when surrounded by others. Having children doesn't guarantee they'll spend time with you when you're older, either. As with everything else, everyone is different :).
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No, our attractiveness doesn't diminish with age at all and I'm very sorry you personally feel like that. I myself feel waaay more attractive now in my forties than when I was a tomboy'sh 26 yr old going to raves on the weekends. Men looking to breed will look for younger/fertile types, it's sad but true, so if that's your goal (finding a breeder man and popping out a couple of kids) you will defo need to take your biological clock into consideration and not leave it for too late, otherwise there's always adoption ;)
I was a mess in my 20s yes I could 'pull' but I was impossible to have a relationship with and at that point would have not made good mother material.
No shortage of dates in 30s and beyond, also seems being very obviously attached doesn't stop the approaches.
Wide range of age friends and relationships has shown me age has nothing to do with loneliness, or lack of interest in life. I too can confirm plenty of 30 and unders do nothing more than sit in watching TV, playing electronic games, some. roaming pubs whilst 60s,70s,80s are out doing things, involved in a lot with active interests, lust for life, partners, sometimes same age sometimes quite different.
Often see this in clients too, the fallacy of older, stuck indoors moaning and lonely is a fallacy.
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Happy to know you’ve got an accepting partner who knew you before and after. I did have a relationship for a year and he knew, but it took him time to accept that or af least manage it in his head. Eventually we broke up as he went with someone his parents considered a “better” match. Someone untainted and proper I guess... :(
Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this man. I am not interested in a serious relationship while I am doing sex work, because I am content and prefer being single, and I feel my busy lifestyle means I would feel guilty for not being able to find enough time to give attention to a partner.
If I do want a relationship after I have left this job, it will be with someone who loves me for all that I am, and not 'in spite' of the fact I used to be a sex worker.
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It's taken me 49 years to realise that I should never, under any circumstances, be in a relationship! I'm just absolutely horrific in a relationship and can't stand being needed or wanted or indeed relied upon for anything!
Never had kids, prefer animals to be honest, that goes for people too.
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This may sound mental but I think if I stopped doing sex work then I would be missing out because I would stop being able to give good head! I would get too rusty! ;D
Cobweb!
;D ;D ;D
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You're obviously meeting the people with no friends or interests, and/or who can't stand their own company. And loneliness is nothing to do with being alone or not being married - plenty of people are lonely even when surrounded by others. Having children doesn't guarantee they'll spend time with you when you're older, either. As with everything else, everyone is different :).
I agree on some of your points but assuming the people I have met do not have have friends and interests is just your personal experience bias showing because they have busy lives and plenty of friends .... but these women I know have deep regrets they did not settle down and have cried to me about it often. Everyone is indeed different and some people are fine alone but waiting till you are old to find out you are indeed lonely and full of regrets is not ideal, I read alot and I read up on this subject for a number of years due to my own loneliness and there is a study referenced on psychologytoday site (I wont link it) where researchers found
"substantial gender differences in age trends in loneliness, with steadily increasing loneliness from age 40 to 80 for women, whereas men's level of loneliness followed a U-shaped curve, with highest loneliness levels at age 40 and 80 and lower levels in between."
Sadness and suicide is also increasing amongst women often amongst women who do not settle down, sharing your life with a Sex and the City box set is not the same as a partner and hobbies and interests are no substitute for grandkids. I lost my chance to settle down when the ex left to go back to family and yep I am missing out and many I know feel the same.
I would never ever recommend someone gives up on searching for a fulfilling relationship and starting a family, I would go as far as to say that is the primary goal of life.
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I would find a relationship too restricting these days. I have a teenager who is 15 and one child is more than enough. Men tend to be childish. If I am at all lonely in my 70's there is always the job!
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Hello PS,
I’m envious of your position of having started this very early on and basically being “sorted” by hour mid twenties in terms of housing and education. I wish I had the sense to start then but have wasted years believing it’s “wrong” and how “I’ll never make money with my body it’s disgusting”. Instead I’ve been drifting aimlessly and tangled in abusive broken relationships. I’m also stuck in a corporate job I despise. If only time travel was possible. I’m 28 soon and started this a few years ago. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and now working tirelessly to “catch up” and make as much as possible to hop on the property ladder and make a career u turn.
Essentially I am focused to accomplish what you have done ages ago, but massively worried that whilst I am on it, I’ll be past my “best years” and we know the dating options begin to diminish after 30 (sorry!).
Happy to know you’ve got an accepting partner who knew you before and after. I did have a relationship for a year and he knew, but it took him time to accept that or af least manage it in his head. Eventually we broke up as he went with someone his parents considered a “better” match. Someone untainted and proper I guess... :(
NS,
It sounds like you have many things sorted out already. But you don't have to worry about dating options after 30, you will likely find that they improve quite a bit. Plus you will be more comfortable with yourself, know what you need, and less likely to accept negative behaviours. You're only stuck somewhere if you don't take action. And you haven't "wasted" anything by gaining experience in a traditional career path or learning what you prefer.
I was raised to be a good girl, and sometimes have to remind myself that I still am. I just enjoy getting paid very well for a job that is mostly fun and rewarding. I realize that doing this has preventing me from having a "traditional" life so that has been motivation to be the best escort I can and work hard. Remember the most difficult part of this job is finding enough good clients for high volume work, so I focus my energy on taking care of them.
Are you considering quitting your corporate job soon? If you can get enough clients now, that sounds reasonable, but right now it's so hard to find new clients. My standards are quite high though as I don't tolerate bs and it takes more time to find the clients I choose to see.
One other thing, I recommend taking time out to do other things you enjoy. Most of my friends are escorts and we love shopping, running, dancing, lunch together instead of always talking about work. Don't be afraid to date if you want, to just be careful about sharing too much early. You'll know if it feels right. Escorting and dating both take a lot of practice to get really good. Plus as an escort you're never tempted to have a one night stand with some jerk just because you're not shagging enough each week. :)
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Well, you’ve been putting all your energy into dating men, and all you have to show for it is a string of abusive relationships. If you do sex work instead, you’ll have money and a secure financial position to show for it.
Certainly I think it’s better to choose sex work until you know what would be different about your next potential relationship (via therapy or something).
I just lost out again on a year of income, letting a man lead me sideways off my path. Learn from my mistakes. Maybe even I will some day...