SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: TantricTease on 02 June 2020, 09:07:59 am
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The differences between the way sex workers see the sex they have with male clients, to the way clients see the sex they have with sex workers is quite different really (I couldn’t come up with a better word than different, it’s early and brain hasn’t engaged yet lol) and so I just thought I would start a thread about it.
I have never and will never count sex work as my sex life, it’s work and that’s it for me, if I was to count the number of men I’ve slept with (fuck can you imagine?!) then I would only include men from my private life, whereas men that go with us count us as all conquests but imo if your paying for it, then it doesn’t count because you haven’t ‘conquested’ anything if you have had to pay, you haven’t pulled her in a club and she isn’t sleeping with you because she likes you, she wants the money!
What are your thoughts girls?
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What are your thoughts girls?
I'm a long way from being a 'girl', but my thought is that we stick to commenting on what we as sex workers think rather than claiming to know what punters do (and we all know how fun it is to be told what we think and feel by those who have no idea) :).
Aside from that yes, work sex is work and nothing to do with my personal life. If I can find the other thread on the subject I'm thinking of (and there is more than one), I'll merge them, but I seem to remember that was the general consensus.
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Not having 'paid' sex for is it 9 or 10 weeks now, has been interesting. I'm not 'gagging for it' but I do miss the entire package I get from it, camming has mitigated this providing excitement and a chance to 'perform' as well as earn some (a fraction) of money.
I would compare it to life as say anyone who takes part in a sport but has a physically active job, the activity in the job means they don't need to do so much formal training for their sport because it's already contributing. They already get benefit from the job towards their fitness and indeed risk over doing it if they tried to do the same as someone in a sedentary job.
Sex in my personal life is different, I am not 'performing' by which I mean being professional providing a service and fantasy. I have often said I'm reasonably lazy in personal life sex, because I am not in a 'booking' and it can never be like that.
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there’s a clue in your question work, nothing more
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It varies/depends for me, really. After relocating I lost my little herd of fuckbuddies, so I have much less civvy sex. In the past I've had regulars that I really looked forward to seeing and had great sex with, so it like having a few friends with benefits but getting paid at the same time, which was great! Since moving, I haven't had the time (nor really the inclination) to do any civvy dating apart from one brief fling. I find in terms of satisfying my sexual needs, bookings can sometimes be just as effective as a recreational shag.
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Some years ago, I did a conference session on virginities. One of the participants said 'it only counts if you enjoy it', and that may well apply here too.
Who's asking?
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No I get nothing out of it except money lol
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No I get nothing out of it except money lol
I didn’t mean that, I just meant regardless of us being in it for the money then do you still count them as your sex life! I agree though, it’s just work sex.
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It's work nothing more and nothing less, the sex I have in my personal life is with the man I love so very diffrent.
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I'm a long way from being a 'girl', but my thought is that we stick to commenting on what we as sex workers think rather than claiming to know what punters do (and we all know how fun it is to be told what we think and feel by those who have no idea) :).
Aside from that yes, work sex is work and nothing to do with my personal life. If I can find the other thread on the subject I'm thinking of (and there is more than one), I'll merge them, but I seem to remember that was the general consensus.
I knew that someone would say something about me saying girls and I suspected it would be you Amy, in the nicest possible way!😀 I am aware that we are not girls and that we are women, it’s easier to use the ‘girls’ term collectively than ‘women’, I wouldn’t say “thoughts women”😂😂.
I do know that some men do indeed count booking escorts as their sex life because of what I have read and what I’ve heard, plus they’re men having sex and regardless of how they get the sex then it’s pretty obvious- unless a person is totally deluded about what men are like- that they are going to count escorts in!!
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Well since it's obvious who you're asking it isn't really necessary to call us anything, is it - just 'what do you think?' would do. Especially when not all the posters here (even on this thread) are female :)
Your original post was missing the 'some', which is the important part. But then I don't believe that men are a huge homogenous group who all think exactly the same way about everything, so I'm obviously deluded. And equally obviously if all men are the same then all women must be too?
I don't count work sex because as far as I'm concerned it isn't me having it - my 'work' persona is not me. I suppose if some punters count paid sex in with the rest it might at least in part be because they're doing it for/as themselves :).
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In my opinion that's why we use work names and not our real names for work that way we can just switch off while whoring and counting ££ while at it. Plus having a sex life it's got to be with someone you click with and no way you can with any Tom, Dick and Harry.
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Well since it's obvious who you're asking it isn't really necessary to call us anything, is it - just 'what do you think?' would do. Especially when not all the posters here (even on this thread) are female :)
Your original post was missing the 'some', which is the important part. But then I don't believe that men are a huge homogenous group who all think exactly the same way about everything, so I'm obviously deluded. And equally obviously if all men are the same then all women must be too?
I don't count work sex because as far as I'm concerned it isn't me having it - my 'work' persona is not me. I suppose if some punters count paid sex in with the rest it might at least in part be because they're doing it for/as themselves :).
I always miss out words these days, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I do!!
Though I do get your point now.😀
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Yes I count it as part of my sex life, as I'm not interested in unpaid civvy sex. Most are tons younger than me and a joy to behold physically, exactly what I'm interested in outside of this job. And a good few make a nice effort. Sex and Go suits me.
Even if no sex occurs it's all a bit of a thrill.
They haven't given me the impression that they view me as a 'conquest', or anything than a pleasant, convenient transaction.
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Yes, it is my entire sex life.
I have got no interest in sexual relationships outside work or any intimate relationship with the opposite sex. I've had my fill of them in this lifetime. I have some really great sex with clients and I don't have to live with them afterwards, just take their money for services rendered.
I love my job ;D
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Well no because if it wasn't for the money I wouldn't do it ever.it my job work only.its a bit like saying to a cleaner do you count your cleaning job as your personal cleaning
I didn’t mean that, I just meant regardless of us being in it for the money then do you still count them as your sex life! I agree though, it’s just work sex.
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Absolutely not. He walks thru the door, my emotional thermostat gets dialed down to zero🧊. I’ve no interest in you other than the $$ you’re bringing.
I *especially* hate when they ask, “If I was your BF, what would we be doing? Just behave as though we’re together.”
How dare you. In the 1st place I would never date someone who looks like you/is so obnoxious/clearly didn’t shower🚿/has to be reminded to take the fucking gum out of his mouth before he kisses me/take your pick, etc etc, so what you’re asking for IS IMPOSSIBLE, you cretin *shouting*.
I simply don’t answer those ??s any more. If they press me, I smile nicely & say, “What would YOU like to do?” That generally shuts’em up.
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The worst thing when they say "What do you like?"...
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The worst thing when they say "What do you like?"...
I always say, and I don’t know if they buy this but they seem too, “your pleasure is my pleasure”, and then I’ll always say blowjobs are my forte! :)
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Yes I guess I do, its my kink and I enjoy it majority of the time. I also don't do relationships, not standard monogamous ones anyway, but am yet to find a man genuinely secure in himself to love without physical possession. Its also rare that I will find a man deserving of free casual sex with me. So yeah most of my sex life is covered by my job! I market a certain type of service that provides the kind of sex I like and attracts the kind of clientele I want whilst screening out the rest that I dont.
I started doing this years ago for the thrill and took it up as a proper job when I got satisfaction, money and freedom from the rat race with it. I recognise that I have the privilege of choice when doing this work compared to many who do it because they need to.
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I don't have a sex life out of work. I tell friends who don't know what I do to earn a living that I've lost interest and I'm a bit of a prude. I even find myself believing this which is a bit odd as I nearly always orgasm with clients (I have a vivid imagination and like to close my eyes!). Having not had any sex (even alone) since lockdown I'm starting to look around when i'm at the supermarket and have some sexy dreams. so I guess sex work is my sex life. I can't imagine having a civvie relationship; there's just no time and i'd only end up falling for them and that would complicate a rather cushty situation.
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At this moment in time then I feel like I wouldn’t care if I ever had penetrative sex again, oral yes as i love that (outside of work and when I’m not burnt out then I don’t mind some clients doing it as some of them truly know what they’re doing, I still think of a punter that gave me an amazing orgasm last year!) but I don’t think I’ve ever truly liked vaginal sex but I feel like I pretend that I do because I feel I should!
I like penetrative sex to be over within 5 mins and at work, within 2!!
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Absolutely not. He walks thru the door, my emotional thermostat gets dialed down to zero🧊. I’ve no interest in you other than the $$ you’re bringing.
I *especially* hate when they ask, “If I was your BF, what would we be doing? Just behave as though we’re together.”
How dare you. In the 1st place I would never date someone who looks like you/is so obnoxious/clearly didn’t shower🚿/has to be reminded to take the fucking gum out of his mouth before he kisses me/take your pick, etc etc, so what you’re asking for IS IMPOSSIBLE, you cretin *shouting*.
I simply don’t answer those ??s any more. If they press me, I smile nicely & say, “What would YOU like to do?” That generally shuts’em up.
I am recently back to work and I saw one guy who actually asked me did I fancy him 🤔🙄
I said I don’t answer those questions it’s not professional, I mean wtf
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TheLastTime omg I cannot believe that he asked you that, sounds like one of the deluded ones that think we’re all in it for the sex! *eyeroll*
I will obviously put out the fantasy to a certain point but pretending to fancy/like a client is crossing the boundaries and making a rod for your own back, plus it’s not nice for the men either.
I know an escort that does pretend such things to some guys and then she wonders why they try to get out of paying and why they text her all the time!!
When I first stated this job then I had no idea just how far the delusions of some men went, nobody told me what to say and what not to say, I honestly just thought that you had sex with them and that they would obviously know I was there for the cash, and I didn’t even think they would want to go down on me, that’s how naive I was, anyway I was new and a client asked me if I had a boyfriend (I am bi) and I didn’t know to say that it wasn’t his business or to lie so instead I said yes and he got up and walked out!!!
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I'm single so the only sex I have is through work and some of it is very enjoyable for me too. Some of my regulars often make me orgasm and some have become friends too so there is an emotional connection with one in particular and always look forward to our meets.
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Nope.
I’ve had sex for free with 3 men in the past 3 years. My ‘sex life’ is pretty stale, I get paid to be used for sex so why would I do it for free? It’s very difficult to find a man who doesn’t just want you for one thing, in my personal experience, so I very rarely give it away for free
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When I was in a relationship, work sex was just mostly an unpleasant duty, just for money . I had the most beautiful sex life with my partner, we connected on many levels I never had an idea existed.
Now when I’m single , I guess my work sex is my only sex , so yes , it is my sex life .
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Nope.
I’ve had sex for free with 3 men in the past 3 years. My ‘sex life’ is pretty stale, I get paid to be used for sex so why would I do it for free? It’s very difficult to find a man who doesn’t just want you for one thing, in my personal experience, so I very rarely give it away for free
You may do it for free because you have feelings for someone? I don’t think I could never have private sex again, even though I feel like right now I’m not keen on it but a few months off and I’ll soon want private sex.
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I like penetrative sex to be over within 5 mins and at work, within 2!!
Me too!
I have a few one minute wonders.
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KBP, I could have written that post myself...I feel exactly the same about it as you. I have 3 marriages behind me, loads of one nite stands, loads of heartbreak. Dont need anymore of that. The job gives me everything I need in my life, a bit of company, good sex occasionally lol, and a good income
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No its definitely not counted as my actual sex life. It's pretty meaningless in a typical emotional sense, ie, there's no deep emotion or connection involved like there is in a relationship. It's simply casual throwaway sex which can be fun and enjoyable at times but other times it's not. Whereas it's always fun and enjoyable with a partner.