I know,I am being so so dumb,it is a job,a business which pays all my bills and I should ignore every kind of feeling,and to be honest I never really expected any of my clients to make me feel this way. Then once I opened the door and I was shocked,how handsome he is,I can't even describe but probably you all know that feeling when you meet someone for the very first time and you just feel like you want to know him more...
He was coming quite often,since we met for the first time he was not going to see any one else,though from his feedbacks I could clearly see that he liked to try as many girls as many he could manage.
After a while I let him overstay because that was just so good to be around him,have a chat,a laugh,once he came and I could not take the envelope,it just felt very wrong as I wanted him to be there with me.
I am being single for a while now,more than 2 yrs and started escorting in mid october,then a long break from early december til mid january. When I started again in january,he was the first who came to see me,he was looking forward to see me,as he had told me,even in my long break he did not see any one else,though he is single.
And I dont know how,the next week I was meeting him out of the bedroom,went for a coffee,a dinner,like a proper couple,and I think I fell in love. It could be a happy end if everything went right between us. As I got know him better had to realise we are not looking for the same thing. He said he wants something what is not called relationship,he likes me but he is still just after sexual experience,he doesnt need more,but me...I need some kind of emotional support,and just emotions,something what makes it different from my job. But we are still meeting for 2-4 hours only saturday evening,and he prefers to come to mine (coffees and dinners are gone) he never stays with me for a night,just a few hours. I get less and less from him,but now I need him. We had some arguments already,stupid arguments and it clearly doesnt work between us,we want 2 very different things,he wants a non paid escort,and i want someone who behaves as a boyfriend.
I was crying a lot because I feel cheated,in the beginning he was different,seems like it was just the marketing...
When he asked me what the hell do I expect from him,he could not introduce me to his family,not even if he wanted to,for me that was hurt,and that was a wake up call as well,so now I just have no idea what do I expect from him?
He has seen 2 other girls in the last 2weeks,he said he just left feedbacks for them,did not go to see them...I dont know what to think. But I miss him a lot...
what do I do now???