SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Alexis P on 16 March 2013, 12:49:41 pm
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I know,I am being so so dumb,it is a job,a business which pays all my bills and I should ignore every kind of feeling,and to be honest I never really expected any of my clients to make me feel this way. Then once I opened the door and I was shocked,how handsome he is,I can't even describe but probably you all know that feeling when you meet someone for the very first time and you just feel like you want to know him more...
He was coming quite often,since we met for the first time he was not going to see any one else,though from his feedbacks I could clearly see that he liked to try as many girls as many he could manage.
After a while I let him overstay because that was just so good to be around him,have a chat,a laugh,once he came and I could not take the envelope,it just felt very wrong as I wanted him to be there with me.
I am being single for a while now,more than 2 yrs and started escorting in mid october,then a long break from early december til mid january. When I started again in january,he was the first who came to see me,he was looking forward to see me,as he had told me,even in my long break he did not see any one else,though he is single.
And I dont know how,the next week I was meeting him out of the bedroom,went for a coffee,a dinner,like a proper couple,and I think I fell in love. It could be a happy end if everything went right between us. As I got know him better had to realise we are not looking for the same thing. He said he wants something what is not called relationship,he likes me but he is still just after sexual experience,he doesnt need more,but me...I need some kind of emotional support,and just emotions,something what makes it different from my job. But we are still meeting for 2-4 hours only saturday evening,and he prefers to come to mine (coffees and dinners are gone) he never stays with me for a night,just a few hours. I get less and less from him,but now I need him. We had some arguments already,stupid arguments and it clearly doesnt work between us,we want 2 very different things,he wants a non paid escort,and i want someone who behaves as a boyfriend.
I was crying a lot because I feel cheated,in the beginning he was different,seems like it was just the marketing...
When he asked me what the hell do I expect from him,he could not introduce me to his family,not even if he wanted to,for me that was hurt,and that was a wake up call as well,so now I just have no idea what do I expect from him?
He has seen 2 other girls in the last 2weeks,he said he just left feedbacks for them,did not go to see them...I dont know what to think. But I miss him a lot...
what do I do now???
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Alexis this may sound harsh, but this guy is not worth missing. To me it sounds like he has done this often before, he got under your skin, he allowed things to develop between you, and only late in the day did he say he didn't want a relationship. However you also allowed this to happen and you assumed that a proper relationship was developing.
He has now told you that is not what he wants, he clearly sees other escorts. So you know what to expect from him - very little. I know you won't want to beleive this but it sounds to me that he was just looking for free sex with you. He clearly views escorts as not worthy of a relationship, hence his comment about never introducing you to his parents (very hurtful I can see).
Do you really want to allow someone like this in your life, someone who is clearly just making you miserable. You both want different things, and that is not going to change. Clearly you have feelings for him which he does not return.
Of course it is up to you what you do, but my advice, for what its worth - cut all ties with him, don't let him have his cake and eat it. Take a break from relationships and put yourself first for a while.
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1000% what Nameless said ^^.
YOU deserve someone who will make you happy, accept you for who you are, who wants the same things as you. Never ever accept anything less.
As Maya Angelou famously said....?Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.? and in his case you're a free option too:-(
Cut all ties asap.
HUGS
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This is why to be cautious with clients, after all they use escorts for nsa fun that's all. So he sounds like that is all he wanted to begin with and still now. Also I don't see how woman can trust clients, they will say any thing to make things swing their way. It's a bit like trusting a stranger off the street come to think of it.
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basically your good enough to shag but most defiantly not wife or girlfriend material to take home and introduce to his family
First of all it taking your out for coffees and lunch and then it dwindle to only visiting you at your place where its convenient for him
You have become a friends with benefit for him, although i wouldn't class him as a friend in the slightest
He seems to be using you for free sex or somewhere to go when he has nothing else on
When you meet a man in civilian life relationships are hard enough when you do it through escorting its generally a thousand times harder
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i liked him a lot,and I thought may be if it works between us I would even stop escorting and look for another kind of job. Now I feel very disappointed,if I was looking for a fuckbuddie then he would be just the perfect guy for me,but I need something more,something different,someone who treats me well,treats me like a normal girl. It seems like this is something what I do not deserve.
Thanks for the support girls,and I know you are right in what you are saying and I should really just ignore him and forget about it,and i am trying to do so,but i miss him a lot,and the thought of not to see him any more hurts...
i know it is complicated as he has a daughter ( lost the mum in an accident) and probably he would never let someone close to his daughter like me...
I am doing the job what I am doing,actually trying to save up for studies and supporting family,it is not something what I want to do for ever,it is just the way how I am trying to ensure a better life for myself and my siblings.
I would need someone to talk to,the lonliness is killing me sometimes,but he is not interested in that,he is interested in sexual things,he told me he used to go for sex parties and such...I thought he is getting closer to me because he got tired of his lifestyle and may be he wants to change.
I was so so wrong :'(
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Alexis it doesnt matter how much you liked him, the feelings werent reciprocated.
Move on .......................................
I can only echo what the other girls have said, but somehow I dont think that is what you want to hear.
He is after a free shag and nothing else, sorry.
Time IS a great healer, it WILL pass.
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what do I do now???
You can continue seeing him BUT charge him. Every single time for every minute. And enjoy the ride (it's nice to have a client who you have fun with). If he's not willing to pay BlOCK HIM. Seeing this guy for free is only going to bring pain to your life. You don't need that.
He is after a free shag and nothing else, sorry.
Seconded. And you're not going to change him.
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Thanks again. I know that I have to move on,we are not really talking now,maybe a have a good night or have a nice day,but that is it really.
To be honest I dont want him to pay,it's not what i need from him. It would hurt me every time when I see him. There is only one way to forget him,to ignore him and not to talk at all. I will try my best.
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sweetie, hes manipulated you. Hes sweetened you up and now hes reaping HIS rewards.. what exactly are you getting out of this.. a broken heart, being spoken to like gum thats stuck to his shoe .. you deserve better.. client or no client, hes using you and the fact that hes cut the lunches etc and jsut doing the sex.. hes a complete arsehole. any decent guy client or no client that was discussed one has feelings and the other is looking for something else, should have by the very least left you alone..
it may not feel like it now, but cut ties, delete his number, block him on AW if you met him on there or any place else, mark his emails as spam so you dont even see them.
you deserve way better than what hes giving you. you wouldnt take a new client trying to do this for free and treat you like this, so dont let this one.
hugs hun i hope your ok xx
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Hi,
I can't really add to the advice you have been given about this man, but I did want to say...Do not beat yourself up. As Lady Lust says, it WILL pass.
x
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This!
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It seems like this is something what I do not deserve.
Well he sounds to me like a Grade A manipulative tosser, or maybe even a sex addict.
But I know you won't want to hear that. Most people have been there - I certainly have with men in the past.
But the part above concerns me - of course you deserve to be treated well, like a partner / girlfriend if this is what you want. Of course you do. Perhaps you could look into why you feel you don't deserve a proper relationship with a man? Maybe get some counselling x x x
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:(
I am fucked up...the hardest is when I work and suddenly he comes into my mind and it is hard to hold back my tears...I dont really know how to control it. Last time when we had an argument he said he hopes I will finally hate him and I will not want to see him any more...does this mean that he hopes that because now i am not interesting for him and he does not want to hear about me any more???
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Just remember he can only manipulate you if you allow it. He has shown that you mean nothing to him other than a release of sexual tension, just remember that every time you get upset about him.
He is playing mind games with you because he cannot take reality ie. a real person showing real emotions. Its time to take control and realise that you are worth so much more than this kind of treatment. I think for your own sanity you should cut all contact with this guy, that is the only way you are going to get over him.
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Last time when we had an argument he said he hopes I will finally hate him and I will not want to see him any more...does this mean that he hopes that because now i am not interesting for him and he does not want to hear about me any more???
Sounds like it to me Alexis. :( His way of saying "let me go" and get on with life.
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Last time when we had an argument he said he hopes I will finally hate him and I will not want to see him any more...
He's saying he hopes you will hate him that way you won't want to see him anymore.
You have 2 options: a) Cling to someone who doesn't love you and continue the suffering or b) Move on with your life.
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i liked him a lot,and I thought may be if it works between us I would even stop escorting and look for another kind of job. Now I feel very disappointed,if I was looking for a fuckbuddie then he would be just the perfect guy for me,but I need something more,something different,someone who treats me well,treats me like a normal girl. It seems like this is something what I do not deserve.
Thanks for the support girls,and I know you are right in what you are saying and I should really just ignore him and forget about it,and i am trying to do so,but i miss him a lot,and the thought of not to see him any more hurts...
i know it is complicated as he has a daughter ( lost the mum in an accident) and probably he would never let someone close to his daughter like me...
I am doing the job what I am doing,actually trying to save up for studies and supporting family,it is not something what I want to do for ever,it is just the way how I am trying to ensure a better life for myself and my siblings.
I would need someone to talk to,the lonliness is killing me sometimes,but he is not interested in that,he is interested in sexual things,he told me he used to go for sex parties and such...I thought he is getting closer to me because he got tired of his lifestyle and may be he wants to change.
I was so so wrong :'(
It is only natural to be looking out for the signs of commitment. There are plenty other genuine men out there. My view is escorting makes it more complicated compared to a 9- 5 office job.
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Cannot agree more with all the comments above.
Just forgot him and trying to hate him because he used your body and your feeling. I had men like that before and I am learning from my mistakes. Why waste your tears on such an asshole? FORGOT HIM and BLOCK HIM.
Treat this work as a job, being professional. No emotions. They are just punters, just looking for Sex, which is only we provide with.
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i know girls you are all right and i am being an idiot...
I tried to keep him away from myself,when i moved to a new place I was very confused if i should contact him (I had a new profile as well) and he found me,I thought if he found me between 4000 girls then it must be a sign (am I too romantic thinking that???) And I just couldnt resist to see him again...
It sounds so easy,just ignore and forget him,but it is much more difficult,I am truly in love :'(
I am trying not to think of him,especially not to talk to him,it is pretty hard.
I know I must be strong and think of that he is being an asshole,an award winner asshole to be honest,love is blind,though i knew that from the beginning I will cry because of him,deep inside I always knew that it is not going to work,and I would love to be someone who he can love,but the thing is that he had decided to live the lifestyle what he does and does not matter who the hell I am...he is not going to change his mind,just because he had made a decision when he lost his wife....
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In the beginning when we started to date we made our "rules", his first rule was: "we are exclusive to each other" as he can bear my job but he doesnt want me to go with someone else just for fun,and I was very happy about it,he said he doesnt feel like he wants to go with any one else,he wants just me,and i thought he is being serious about it...where did it all go wrong???? :'( :'( :'(
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In the beginning when we started to date we made our "rules", his first rule was: "we are exclusive to each other" as he can bear my job but he doesnt want me to go with someone else just for fun,and I was very happy about it
In the meanwhile he was sleeping around with escorts. So ha can have fun but you're not allowed. Nice one. ;D
i thought he is being serious about it...where did it all go wrong
It didn't go all wrong. This guy sounds like he was confused from the very begining. The only thing that is crystal clear is that he has no intention to settle down and just wants as much pussy as he can get (payed or not).
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I've been in a similar situation several different times and even twice with the same man. I learned my lesson the hard way and the only solution is to completely ignore the guy and cut him out of your life (it's difficult but so worth it in the end).
Like others have said, this guy is manipulating you for his own benefit. I too have actually had one guy say to me that he could never introduce me to his family which felt like a slap in my face and really made me feel like I was nothing - any guy who would say that is just scum in my book. I've done the 'rules' thing too but the guy always strayed breaking all his promises to me.
I have learned that whilst I can be friends with some of my clients, I should never date them.
Stay strong Alexis, you just need to be brave and block him from your life and only then will it get better, don't give him the power to make you feel this way :)
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i know girls you are all right and i am being an idiot...
I tried to keep him away from myself,when i moved to a new place I was very confused if i should contact him (I had a new profile as well) and he found me,I thought if he found me between 4000 girls then it must be a sign (am I too romantic thinking that???) And I just couldnt resist to see him again...
It sounds so easy,just ignore and forget him,but it is much more difficult,I am truly in love :'(
I am trying not to think of him,especially not to talk to him,it is pretty hard.
I know I must be strong and think of that he is being an asshole,an award winner asshole to be honest,love is blind,though i knew that from the beginning I will cry because of him,deep inside I always knew that it is not going to work,and I would love to be someone who he can love,but the thing is that he had decided to live the lifestyle what he does and does not matter who the hell I am...he is not going to change his mind,just because he had made a decision when he lost his wife....
It sounds like when his cock gets hard he sure knows what to do to have you running back to him. Others will only take advantage if we let them. Yes it is very easy to say you should do this and that. But only you do what you are comfortable with. It can be hard some times not letting our emotions get involved, like there is always that trigger. Time's a great healer.
:)
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so how do you know if a guy just want to take advantage of you or he is being serious???? :-\
He called me last night,we had a bit of chat,he said sorry because he couldn't call me all weekend,then we were chatting today.He is very nice again,and kind...I am trying to be neutral as i have no better idea,i know i could simply not answer the phone neither the chat messages,but I am still very confused about him,I think I am not really good in this relationship thing...
I had 1 serious relationship before,we were together for 4yrs,i was 21 when we broke up... now i am 23...and i really dont know how to manage it all,i am not really sure when i am being moody and when he is a bastard,as i told you our story he clearly is a bastard...
it sucks,i miss him,and i try to ignore that feeling...
i will be on holiday from saturday,maybe that helps to get over
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so how do you know if a guy just want to take advantage of you or he is being serious???? :-\
He called me last night,we had a bit of chat,he said sorry because he couldn't call me all weekend,then we were chatting today.He is very nice again,and kind...I am trying to be neutral as i have no better idea,i know i could simply not answer the phone neither the chat messages,but I am still very confused about him,I think I am not really good in this relationship thing...
I had 1 serious relationship before,we were together for 4yrs,i was 21 when we broke up... now i am 23...and i really dont know how to manage it all,i am not really sure when i am being moody and when he is a bastard,as i told you our story he clearly is a bastard...
it sucks,i miss him,and i try to ignore that feeling...
i will be on holiday from saturday,maybe that helps to get over
My outlook especially clients is never to trust and just take what they say with a pinch of salt. The majority are not good leaving a few fantastic married off already. I'm so head strong when it comes to playing their game. I told myself that will be single to protect myself. Only you can decide really the out come. If you really want to be with him then do. Bearing in mind that he will carry on treating you not good. But while on to him it's blocking your true inner happiness. Some times it is better to just let go, visualize your hands letting go of him with all the bad hurt every thing. If you keep repeating the letting go Visualization for 10 seconds just enough until you feel relief. I do this with many things, it is amazing what weight has been lifted. Or write a positive list about your life, past etc that makes you feel good. Then keep referring to that every time you feel a sad emotion coming on. Now letting go for me is easy and feeling good.Feeling good is what living is all about. A bad situation is only made from our thoughts, when really life outside is still the same. I found happiness within myself then happiness love finds you. Tempting love never works.
I would like to add yes he may be ok now until the next time his fed up. I bet his cock is twitching, remember men think with their cocks. Even a client told me this but had an idea before that.
Feel free to Pm me any time.
Hope this helps you over come.
Mdxx
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My experience on the field (Ana puts on her academic hat on lol) is that the young, single and good looking punters are a basket case of issues (way more than your usual married guy who's not getting pussy at home). There's a deep underlying emotional issue when a young handsome fella who can get laid for free here and there chooses to pay. I know it sounds very tempting to fall for one of these types (specially when they're great in the sack!) but you gotta be very careful. I've seen this happening ver and over to the point it's like a cliche: girl falls for handsome single young punter, girl decides to stop charging him because he's soooo awesome (and she just can't charge him because she developed er..."feelings"), girl ends up with broken heart and feeling "used". Ahhh...those hormones that clog our brains are sooo dangerous. And I'm talking from personal experience (sort off).
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...And I'm not saying that there's no way a punter can't be turned into a proper relationship, it's very rare but hey, strange things happen and there's been a few cases. But definately not with the young & handsome types. Their hormones are raging much more than the usual middle age man and they don't posses enough maturity to handle a relationship -much less with a WG-.
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he is actually 34...
he said today he didnt want to say this again but he is missing me...i know it is so easy to say that (especially if his cock is hard and wants get a quick relief) but i didnt see him for 3weeks,he cant just come over bcs of his daughter,and we cant manage to meet at least in the last 2 weeks...so if he just wanted to sleep with me this is why he said that...doesnt make sense,does it?
i very much want to believe that he didnt lie to me :FF
he sent me 2pictures today...a screenshot about each emails with the ladies who i thought he had seen last week bcs he has feedbacks from them,they agreed on making/accepting the booking and giving positive feedbacks for each other.on the screenshot even the date was visible,he didnt just create them to prove,those mails were sent to him before he got the feedbacks... :-\
and he said he didnt see anyone
what do you reckon??
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i meant we cant manage to meet in the next 2weeks...ooops
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Alexis, how many different ways do we have to tell you .................... he is stringing you along to get out of you what he can and for as little (moneywise) as he can. Forget about him. He is a loser in all meanings of the word. Move on and make a success of your business or you will go under. :( :FF
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I got it...
sorry...
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he is actually 34...
he said today he didnt want to say this again but he is missing me...i know it is so easy to say that (especially if his cock is hard and wants get a quick relief) but i didnt see him for 3weeks,he cant just come over bcs of his daughter,and we cant manage to meet at least in the last 2 weeks...so if he just wanted to sleep with me this is why he said that...doesnt make sense,does it?
i very much want to believe that he didnt lie to me :FF
he sent me 2pictures today...a screenshot about each emails with the ladies who i thought he had seen last week bcs he has feedbacks from them,they agreed on making/accepting the booking and giving positive feedbacks for each other.on the screenshot even the date was visible,he didnt just create them to prove,those mails were sent to him before he got the feedbacks... :-\
and he said he didnt see anyone
what do you reckon??
At the end of the day it now looks like your are after reassurance that he is a good man. Me I wouldn't be a chaser with any man. It's more about what you think in the situation. If he treats you bad if you give him another chance. When he does it will be like the I knew. So really his not in the wrong any more. When others don't want to help themselves. It is pointless in my opionon asking for support wasting time.
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I got it...
sorry...
Alexis, I didnt want to be too brutal but you seem to be ignoring everything else that is explained to you and clinging on to something that isnt there..
I was being cruel to be kind. He is a loser .............. we could pat you on the back and say "there there" but that wouldnt be right ....................
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he sent me 2pictures today...a screenshot about each emails with the ladies who i thought he had seen last week bcs he has feedbacks from them,they agreed on making/accepting the booking and giving positive feedbacks for each other.on the screenshot even the date was visible,he didnt just create them to prove,those mails were sent to him before he got the feedbacks... :-\
and he said he didnt see anyone
what do you reckon??
I reckon he either DID see those two escorts who gave him feedback...which makes him a LIAR, OR, he just had some agreement with them to make false bookings and leave each other false feedback, which makes him a LIAR and conman at least!
I agree with Lady Lust, you seem to want us all to say he's nice and he's just confused and really he does have feelings for you....even when he's told you
a) he doesn't, b) He'd never introduce you to his family, and c) He wants you to hate him!
I too have been manipulated by a client and the feeling of freedom and power when you ignore the calls and texts gets stronger each time you do it. But you are STILL answering him! :FF
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I too have been manipulated by a client and the feeling of freedom and power when you ignore the calls and texts gets stronger each time you do it. But you are STILL answering him!
He must be really good in the sack lol!
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I got it...
sorry...
I think a lot of us have been in a similar situation to you - please learn from our mistakes. At the end of the day it is up to you but just look at how much stress this man is causing you. *hugs*
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You can tell whether someone is being genuine when their actions match with their words, without being prompted or putting on an 'act'. Even the best liar in the world gives off clues, usually in their voice tone and eyes which can be anything that isn't the norm for them. Often their voice will drop, they'll look away or alternately they'll make a point of looking you straight in the eye.
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he sent me 2pictures today...a screenshot about each emails with the ladies who i thought he had seen last week bcs he has feedbacks from them,they agreed on making/accepting the booking and giving positive feedbacks for each other.on the screenshot even the date was visible,he didnt just create them to prove,those mails were sent to him before he got the feedbacks... :-\
and he said he didnt see anyone
what do you reckon??
I can take a screenshot and completely change the date of emails and the content in them so please do not believe he emailed these escorts and offered to just give them positive feedback for no reason as any escort who got this email would think the guy had an agenda I.e would leave bad feedback or he would want a freebie. It is a lame excuse but I would tell him you want his password to check his emails yourself not see a screenshot, he should give it to you after all he has nothing to hide right?
Wrong. he wont give you his password or he will say he has deleted them already. I can promise you that.
This guy sees you as easy free sex. He doesnt want a relationship with you he has been honest and told you that. He also knows you are in love with him so he can have it on tap by just saying a few nice words when he wants, after all it does get expensive when paying for escorts so he needs a fall back plan. Sorry to sound harsh but I have seen it so many times.
I havent read the whole thread but is he by any chance lying about being single hence he can only see you for a few hours on a Saturday night when he can get away with saying he is out with his mates for a drink? I have to ask this as men do lie about being single as it gets them free sex on tap.
Also why cant he see you just because he has a daughter if he is actually single? He always managed before, has all the childs extended family who obviously must have babysat suddenly disappeared? I hate saying this but I personally feel he has taken you for a fool and is making up excuses as he goes along as to why suddenly you cant go out or see each other except when he states
My best advice would be to change your phone number and stay well away. If you carry on it will destroy you. By saying he misses you , you are already thinking everything will be ok. It wont. A relationship cannot be built on a couple of hours of sex each week. There has to be more than that and he is either unwilling or unable to commit to anything more with you. he has basically told you there is no relationship so it is just sex for him. RUN AWAY from him as fast as you can
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He has probably run out of money and cant afford to book another escort and thought to himself I know who would be gullible enough. If he wants to sleep with you he can pay you at the end of the day you seem as miserable as hell and relationships are supposed to make you happy.
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...what do I do now???
Block him, be kind to yourself and let time heal. He was up-front about what he was after and it wasn't what you were after, but you let you heart rule your head (easily done, I've been there too). You will never be his girlfriend so refuse to see him again. Don't see him even if he wants to book you as you are too emotionally attached to him and it will hurt you more than the money will compensate for. He's either very confused (in which case he'll drag you down to his level) or he's a maniplative bastard. Either way he's a wrong'un and you'd be best to cut all ties with him. Tell him you don't want to see or hear form him again, then block his email and phone number. Keep yourself occupied so you spend as little time as possible thinking about him. If you think about him try and distract yourself with something you enjoy.
so how do you know if a guy just want to take advantage of you or he is being serious????...
He'll take you out on dates and not always expect sex when you meet is one way of telling I suppose. And he'll probably want to stay the night and not hurry to leave in the morning even if you don't have sex. Oh, and he won't be ashamed to introduce you to his friends and family!
I reckon he either DID see those two escorts who gave him feedback...which makes him a LIAR, OR, he just had some agreement with them to make false bookings and leave each other false feedback, which makes him a LIAR and conman at least!...
Quite! Alexis, he's a bad apple. Go cold turkey and ignore him before he wrecks you emotionally.
I too have been manipulated by a client and the feeling of freedom and power when you ignore the calls and texts gets stronger each time you do it. But you are STILL answering him! :FF
Yes, which is keeping the wound open and avoiding the inevitable.