SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Naked Chef on 04 March 2015, 12:24:24 am
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I know the rules: remain professional and never mix business with pleasure.
BUT what happens when business IS pleasure and pleasure happens to be business? I've not got myself into that predicament but it is something that has been playing on my mind. What happens if Mr Right walks through your door but then you can't do anything about it because you are sworn to the laws of escorting?
Has anyone ever dated a client? Or purposefully not met with a client because you knew you wanted to date them? Is Pretty Women just a thing of the movies? (that one's a joke..... )
What are your thoughts on this?
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I have nothing to add (I'm way too young for most of mine, I have a boyfriend, and I have a weird cognitive dissonance where I don't think I could date a man who buys sex - something about it conflicts with what I look for), but just out of interest I do want to hear if anyone has any successful stories? On threads like these, I only ever seem to see them turning out badly...
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I have, but kept it casual. I'd guess a big factor is your age: I'm 47, so marriage and children aren't an issue.
If you search on here, you'll find both sob stories and successes when it comes to getting emotionally involved with clients. I think the main issue when it comes to a LTR being viable is whether he's 100% happy with you continuing in sex work (or if not, if you would happily give it up).
I certainly don't judge men because they pay for sex - a lot of my clients are lovely, and have perfectly understandable reasons for doing so.
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Your Mr Right isn't gonna walk through the door and pay your for sex lol but that's just me having a completely spectate mind.
I have my favourites when it comes to my clients but I honestly mean this when I say.......I don't care whether Brad Pitt or someone who looks like something from The Hills Have Eyes walks through my door (providing they are clean and respectful towards me) I just do not look at them in the way of anything more than just my client. I have some clients who I class as friends which I guess to an extent is mixing business with pleasure but that's as far as it goes.
My mind is completely separate which means my heart is too.
If/when I want to date.....it will be the good old fashioned way, by meeting a person when I'm out or through a friend or something, not someone who has got my phone number from a paid sex website and turned up for a booking.
I know that the whole Richard Gere thing may be some ladies fairytale but it's not for me.
xx
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I have and it turned out well. We are now living together and have a loving relationship. BUT I have to say that it is not an easy one.
He is a very relaxed and down to earth person who knows the business from a client point of view so knows that it is ONLY business and nothing else. I am the one who struggles. I used to enjoy this job 100% but that has changed. I feel bad most of the time despite the fact he is not giving me any reason. We don't talk about it at all at home, it is like he is leaving in the morning to do his thing, I am leaving to do mine. When I did ask him how he would cope with it (because I couldn't) he said that he is just pretending that I am doing something else like going to the office or whatever. But how long will he be able to do that? So yes, the relationship is working but he is not happy with what I am doing, otherwise he wouldn't need to fool himself. I have the feeling that we are sitting on a time bomb.
If the time comes that I have to make a decision, and I know it will, I would certainly chose my relationship and give up escorting. In fact, I have already cut down services and rates and only do things I am feeling comfortable with, all the other services I used to provide are now exclusively for him. But that's just little steps to keep us both sane.
Actually I wanted to add a success story but writing this, I realise that it is just a matter of time until our pink bubble will burst :-[
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I couldn't do it, to me he'd always be an ex a punter who used to pay me but since becoming my bf hes getting it for free.
At the back of my mind I would be wondering how he can be OK with me shagging strangers for cash if he really loved me.
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Been there done that (2 years) he really hurt me in the end.
I agree with most of the above, I don't want a guy who pays women to let him touch them/make them touch him, and the big one is (outside of relationships where polyamory or swinging is an accepted part of the relationship by all involved) if you're in a monogamous relationship how can a guy love you and be fine about you fucking hundreds of men a year for money
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Also do a search on here in the box at the top. A recent one is called falling for a client, I think, but this has been discussed a lot. Think general consensus is many of us have done it but if you meet as a hooker/client don't expect a happy ending
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Also do a search on here in the box at the top. A recent one is called falling for a client, I think, but this has been discussed a lot. Think general consensus is many of us have done it but if you meet as a hooker/client don't expect a happy ending
To be fair, even the regular relationships fail more often than they succeed, statistically speaking - dating a client has an additional host of problems, which makes it even more unlikely to succeed, of course. But generally speaking any relationship one enters has more working against it than for it, in the long term.
Depending on how you look at it, romantic pursuits are really the kind of game where the only winning move is not to play.
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I'm in agreement with Miss K.
Try dating them but withhold the sex and see just how long it lasts. ::)
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I'm in agreement with Miss K.
Try dating them but withhold the sex and see just how long it lasts. ::)
What kind of withholding are we talking about, here, though? During initial stages I'd guess it's very helpful, to weed out the freebie hunters. At the same time, both men and women divorce their partners over the lack of bedroom action on a regular basis. It's extremely important to quite a lot of people, and it's no surprise if someone bows out if the lack of sexual activity (or compatibility) becomes an issue. I've bowed out of two LTRs myself due to the sexlife being unsatisfying, myself.
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Yeah I would never be able to believe that my bf would really love me if he was happy to share me intimately with anyone let alone hundreds of men a year.
However, having said that....I have an amazing friend in London who has an amazing boyfriend, the are both seriously into swinging so therefor her working as an escort really works for them. They love each other and are a match made in heaven when it comes to their compatibility so their relationship and the job works well.
But as I'm not into swinging or anything like that means that I couldn't be with someone who was happy to share me without thinking he as an ulterior motive or is just using me for money or free sex or something like that.
Just not for me but each to their own.
xx
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Well I am in a loving relationship with an ex client. We met once in an escorting/client capacity and then a couple of years on met again on a social event with industry friends and we just clicked.We have been together over 7 months and are in love. I fell in love with him not his client persona and he fell for me not 'Bibi'. You ask how he can accept what I do if he really loves me? Simple it is because he loves me he does not feel the need to be jealous and kibosh a business I have run for 4 years. Somebody who loves another would not put demands on another that they cannot meet. I cannot give up being an escort just yet and if I do it will be my decision when I have the appropriate plans in place.I used to be one of the nay sayers and actually said I would not date whilst I do this job but you cannot help who you fall in love with.No relationship is plain sailing but with honesty and respect on both sides then it is doable.I find it laughable that the men who put food on our tables some people think they are aliens or hold them with contempt almost.It is not our place to judge them. Sure the guy who is in a loving marriage who stills punts I can't quite fathom but most guys punt because they are lonely or in a horrible marriage where they stay for the kids or financial reasons.It does not make them less of a man in the same way being an escort doesn't take away my feelings, dreams and humanity.
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We all have handsome clients from time to time and I admit that maybe 2 or 3 times a year (once already this year) there's been one who has put me on cloud 9 and I've thought about them a bit but I just see that as a bonus to the job. If they ever hinted at freebies or a relationship my feelings for them would plummet so I just think I hope they book again and if they do, I really look forward to it. It's a great short term feeling and if I've been a bit low or bored it's perked me up a bit but I never get dreamy about a relationship with them. When that feeling's so strong I can understand a bit how you might want something more but for me it would cause resentment after a while.
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I'm in agreement with Miss K.
Try dating them but withhold the sex and see just how long it lasts. ::)
What kind of withholding are we talking about, here, though? During initial stages I'd guess it's very helpful, to weed out the freebie hunters. At the same time, both men and women divorce their partners over the lack of bedroom action on a regular basis. It's extremely important to quite a lot of people, and it's no surprise if someone bows out if the lack of sexual activity (or compatibility) becomes an issue. I've bowed out of two LTRs myself due to the sexlife being unsatisfying, myself.
Yeah withhold during the initial months, say three months, if he lasts that long. I think most guys are freebie hunters. Why should you give out just to keep a guy or to keep a guy happy. To me that is not a decent guy.
People may think sex is important but getting to know someone without the sex involved, IMO would be more interesting. If all a guy is wanting you for is the sex, he aint a decent guy at all.
Life can go on without sex, much to many peoples belief.
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I disagree with some of the skeptics here. What if you meet a man outside of the profession, start dating, fall in love, move in together and you then find out that he sees escorts or did see escorts. How would you feel and what would your reaction be?
I met my very loving, patient, hard working partner via the industry, it took me 7 years and a lot of hard work on his side as I was one of those skeptics. He is not 100% happy that i am still doing this but understands it is work and does not hold it against me as he knows I will give it up when I am ready and that is when I feel we are financially stable.
I do disagree with women who have partners that live off their earnings without doing a days work acting as their "security" or "fiance".
NC if you feel that there is more in this than just a business relationship then I would say go for it but you will be taking the risk of losing a very good client but then again who knows where this will go, will it lead to a long term relationship you just dont know. Is he seeing you because he can not have a long term relationship right now due to his own personal circumstances. Is he the kind of man who can forget about the fact that he paid you for your time at one stage?
It is difficult, are you going to broach the subject with him or are you going to wait for him to approach you? Question Question Questions but at the end of the day you are the only one who can decide what is best for you. :)
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I'm not a skeptic that I don't believe it can't work for other people. I just know when type of person I am so therefor know that it's not for me.
I love nothing more than being very close and intimate in a loving relationship with just 1 person which is why in 4 whole years, I've not so much as dated since doing this. Me doing this job would spoil the intimacy for me. I wouldn't want to share my partner with anyone and I wouldn't want him to share me with anyone whether it's just work or not.
It may just be work but I still allow men to come in here each day and put their dick in me and for me, that just wouldn't make me happy if I was in a relationship.
As I say, each to their own but it's not for me and I am no skeptic that it can't work for others.
For those of you who have found love, I'm genuinely very happy for you as this job can be quite isolating at times which is why I use forums to discuss this secret life of mine with others in the same boat.
I would also be far too paranoid and worried that if I did meet someone through work that if it all ended in tears, there is a huge risk of them telling your family and friends what you do and that's a risk I would never be prepared to take, infact.....that's the reason why I haven't even so much as gone out on a date.
xx
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In my opinion no. As soon as any client hands money over then I only think of them as a client even if seconds before I was thinking 'phwoar yes please'. I couldn't date someone who had paid to fuck me as it only shows me what he thinks of women, just a commodity to be bought. I have no problem being that commodity and know I am a whore but I don't need to be reminded of that at the end of my working day.
I met my husband in this industry (driver only in it for the money and never used escorts) and once I'd seen him turn down countless other agency girls advances, including threesomes with me, I realised it really was all about the money for him. I warmed to him overnight and 6 months later we hit it off, 2 years later we got married and we've been married for 2 years. He now has his own at-home business and drives me to all my jobs so it's a perfect arrangement. I'm incredibly lucky to be a success story and to be with someone who loves and respects me and my career.
P.S. I made him wait nearly 2 months before he enjoyed my goodies despite pretty much living together and he happily waited. Sometimes making them wait is good for 'em ;)
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Simple it is because he loves me he does not feel the need to be jealous and kibosh a business I have run for 4 years. Somebody who loves another would not put demands on another that they cannot meet. I cannot give up being an escort just yet and if I do it will be my decision when I have the appropriate plans in place.
This was what I was going to say. I could never be with someone who wanted me to quit or who wasn't okay with what I do. It's controlling and would make me feel really trapped, even though I'm considering leaving the industry myself that is MY own decision to make and if I had a partner pushing me to quit I'd end up resenting them. I have a problem with people who don't see sex work as a form of work anyway so don't think I could ever date someone who wouldn't be okay with dating a sex worker (even if I wasn't one at that time).
It's similar with my boyfriend. He knew how stressed I was about money and disheartened from being rejected for jobs and was very supportive. It's been tough at times, when I get home from a booking I just want to natter away about it and that's a bit too much information for him so I chat to friends about work stuff instead. He knows that I will quit when I'm ready to move on, I think he'd be disappointed if I stayed in the industry forever, but only because I don't want to and have other career plans so he'd only be disappointed that I was disappointed (if that makes sense). I don't know if I could ever have a relationship with a client, certainly none of the ones I've met anyway, definitely not with a married client who was cheating on their partner or an 'uber punter'
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When I remet my exclient he was going through a divorce.The only reason he was seeing escorts from time to time was because he had an abusive wife who withheld any form of affection and then left him for her first husband.I guess in the booking we had it was work for me and I did not give him a second thought.It was meeting him on a night out and talking that made me think differently and it works at the end of the day.He no longer goes elsewhere for affection and I no longer just spend my time working or fretting about work.
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I'm in agreement with Miss K.
Try dating them but withhold the sex and see just how long it lasts. ::)
What kind of withholding are we talking about, here, though? During initial stages I'd guess it's very helpful, to weed out the freebie hunters. At the same time, both men and women divorce their partners over the lack of bedroom action on a regular basis. It's extremely important to quite a lot of people, and it's no surprise if someone bows out if the lack of sexual activity (or compatibility) becomes an issue. I've bowed out of two LTRs myself due to the sexlife being unsatisfying, myself.
I really do agree with this. I don't think withholding sex is ever a good idea in any relationship. I've broken out of relationships more often because the sex wasn't much good than for any other reason.
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Yes I believe it's possible. I have dated 3 clients (in 5 years) and whilst none were the love of my life they were all good, decent men and I never saw them as 'clients of prostitutes' in the same way they didn't see me as 'just' an escort. They didn't work out for various reasons, none to do with the job.
I would definitely avoid hobbyists and those who see lots of women all the time because I think men that do that have a skewed view of women and I suspect they would be the sort that get off on 'new' pussy as opposed to men who do it occasionally for relief or affection so probably wouldn't trust them to be faithful. There are definitely different 'types' of clients and I think once you've done this job for a bit you can spot the ones who are trying it on because they either want a freebie or want an escort girlfriend. those sorts fetishise escorts and all they can see is lots of exciting sex or see it as a pass card to shag other women or even because they just get off on the idea.
Oh, and avoid the attached one- rarely does any good come out of being a mistress instead of an escort! You just lose a payer!
I think it's possible to meet a special someone in any situation however unlikely anyway-but I'm a romantic albeit a cynical one!
The secret, I think is to insist on going out on dates and not having sex for a while (as opposed to just coming round to bonk you) - you soon figure out their intentions if they won't do this!
EDIT; just read the other posts about witholding sex- I don't mean for long- that's asking for trouble- but I think ensuring it's not just about sex is really important in any relationship regardless of how you met.
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Ah, the mention of a distinction between hobbyists and the "simply seeking affection" caught me. I think I don't get the latter almost at all because I'm 18 ::) (along with the talky types, I wish I got them but I understand why I don't).So that's probably the real reason why I'd "never" consider it, or at least why I very much doubt I could fall into such a situation. You never know, I suppose. I do find it really interesting though, I find romance in general interesting to talk about, relationship dynamics are always a fun thing to analyse and these examples are usually particularly thought-provoking.
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I would suggest that younger escorts (say those in their teens and 20's) do get more clients who book to fulfill a fantasy of shagging a younger woman and it is more about their looks or services than personality. Obviously I'm not saying that's the only reason or younger women are only booked because they are totty.
Escorts a bit older do get the men who are on an 'older woman' or MILF thing or want the mummy/auntie/mates mother role play - I guess that's sort of the equivalent.
back on topic, I do think older escorts do have a different outlook to clients which probably makes them more likely to consider a relationship with a client... this is a massive topic of debate in itself though.
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I'm in agreement with Miss K.
Try dating them but withhold the sex and see just how long it lasts. ::)
I have been dating my partner for just over a year now and during the year the first 4 months no sex, he neve complained and never pressured me. We have been dating for a year now and we have had sex 3 times, unfortunately the problem is not him but me, i am trying to switch from professional mode to personal after being single and a sex worker for 7 years now. Trust me it is not easy, and still my partner is patient and understanding, he is moving in with us in the next month and although I love him deeply i have a problem with personal intimacy. So take it from me do not leave it too long or you will be screwed when it comes to being intimate with someone you love.
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Thank you all for your input and I agree with all of your points; I think it is very circumstantial. I would never judge a person on their choice to see an escort in the same sense I wouldn't like to be judged on being one; there is more to me than my job.
But here's the real down low: so sometimes I do a bit of webcamming, not often though as I now find it tedious in comparison to escorting. There's a guy that I had always chatted to, and when I say chatting, I actually mean just chatting (strangely). He spends hours, and lots of money, chatting to me. We speak about lots of different things, and very rarely about sex. He is young, very intelligent and uber handsome.... and, according to him and his feedback, has NEVER seen an escort. We get on very well and have loads in common, however, he has been making hints at booking with me just to be able to take me out and spend time with me in person. Now part of me really wants to as I think we'd get on marvelously but the other part of me doesn't want to because then he would be a client, and right now that's not something I am comfortable with.
what do you make of that??
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Remember once a guy starts dating you and finds out that you are really not the nymphomaniac who always walks around in lingerie and full face of make up and is always up for sucking his dick, his bubble bursts and then you find them running as fast as they can without the consequences of breaking your heart. Majority of the time not all the time clients can not always cope with the fact that in reality you are not the fantasy they perceived you to be and that is something you need to be prepared for if it does happen.
If he is prepared to date you accept you for being moody at times, grumpy and just down right teary eyed who would rather rip off a dick than suck it then you have a winner. ;)
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I met a client 3 years ago and somehow we really clicked and started a relationship slowly. 3 years later we're married with a little boy. I quit working and he quit escorts. It's the best relationship I've ever been in. I understand it's extremely rare but it can work if you're both willing to look past each other's past and make the dream work.