I'm in a similar situation to you right now, except it's a bit vice-versa. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and I've only been escorting for a couple of weeks.

We've had conversations about escorting and prostitution because before I got into it, someone I know was doing it, and I was merely voicing my opinions and such. He made it pretty clear that he would not be supportive of such a lifestyle.
He works out of town and I get 2 days off from college when I do outcalls. I only do one booking each day, so it's a little bit of pocket money, but money I really need. (expensive dental bill, credit card and a fine).

I've been trying to separate my mind, so to speak. When I'm posting here, taking calls and emails, on AW, and with clients, then I am Eve. I don't have any other personality or name. When I am at home, with friends, family, working my part-time shop job or at college, I am the REAL me, the person my mother gave birth to and named.

I do feel like a horrible person, I know I'm deceiving my boyfriend, but I look back at my life and I cheated on all of my ex's. I was a real floozy, always off with whomever would give me attention on that particular day.  In some ways I think that I really am a horrible person, and I probably am "doomed to hell" or whatever happens, but no matter what I do, I am always sniffing down the path of trouble.
In some ways, escorting has made an impression on my real life. Somehow my libido has increased and I can "last longer" (even after only 2 weeks), so my boyfriend is getting a great time!
Also, as a poor student, I've always financially struggled, so now I feel financially ok and that stress has been removed from my life so there are no arguments between my boyfriend and I based on money problems.
He's none-the-wiser to my extra money, as I'm ashamed of my credit card debt and the fine I got (always sniffing out trouble, see), so the extra money is going there. When the day comes that I have finished paying these things off, I'm just going to save up, or I can quit escorting.

I know I haven't offered you solution in the slightest, I just wanted to offer my "case study" and sympathise with you. It's hard. As a woman, I want the companionship of a long-term partner, but escorting is a fun and easy way to make money.
I can't advise you to keep on going the way you are, and if I could take my own advice, I would. But in the same breath, I can't really say "OMG come clean right now!" or "Quit escorting" as I don't really feel that will solve your problem.
I am sorry you feel this way, I feel it too.

Good luck though, and luckily, it's only temporary for both of us. Maybe when we're on the other side of it, we can just file it away in our memories as one of the "dark periods" that we all go through.

I would, though the lies are difficult keep your eye on the prize, and keep going till you have enough money to quit. I'm in the same positon, and I get through it by thinking what he doesnt know can't hurt him.

I do feel like a horrible person, I know I'm deceiving my boyfriend, but I look back at my life and I cheated on all of my ex's. I was a real floozy, always off with whomever would give me attention on that particular day.  In some ways I think that I really am a horrible person, and I probably am "doomed to hell" or whatever happens, but no matter what I do,

not fitting in with convention (ie monogamy) doesnt make you a bad person

I know this forum is for people working in the industry, but I've been reading it for the last year since finding out my girlfriend of 7 years was an escort, so hopefully you won't mind me commenting from a guy's perspective.

I have no intention or interest in  becoming a regular SAAFE participant and understand why it's an escort only environment.  I also accept that I'm just one boyfriend and don't speak for the British Association of Boyfriends, some of whom are somehow able to deal with their partners being escorts.

I wouldn't have bothered were it not for the advice offered has been so lacking in terms of respect for Sammy's unwitting boyfriend.  So far everyone seems to either be encouraging you to join them in complete denial or to place money over your boyfriend's welfare, and you seem to be genuinely concerned about what escorting might do to him and to your relationship.  I don't think anyone is specifically thinking in those terms - money vs boyfriend - I know my girlfriend certainly didn't - but that's the reality of what you're doing if he doesn't know. 

Doesn't he have the right to know his sexual partner is having sexual relationships with not just one but lots of other people?  Even if you can justify the lies to yourself (which, trust me, will cut his heart in two if he currently trusts you), surely he has a right to know on sexual health grounds?  Sammy, I'm sure you get regular check ups to make sure your health is in order - but what about his right to know about his?  Or is your plan to tell him to head down to the GUM clinic when it's too late? 

I read once on here about a guy saying he nearly had a nervous breakdown when he discovered his girlfriend was working as an escort.  I was the same.  I went from a happy, outgoing individual to an absolute wreck.  I more or less lost a year of my life, attempted suicide (hands up - it was more cry for help than anything but I did end up with two broken legs and a big red embarrassed face) and almost lost my business.  I regularly have nightmares about her escorting and can never get back to sleep when I do, so I regularly lose a day or two of work through sheer exhaustion and insomnia. 

I'm finally functioning reasonably normally again though I am still having regular counselling.  The emotions I experienced were varied - for me it's a mixture of feeling completely emasculated, jealous, angry, disappointed and guilt because she insisted on taking the 'independent' route out of her financial difficulties instead of asking for help.  I'd give anything for her to have come to me on the day she first went to the agency to explain that she was in so much debt that she felt forced by her circumstances to go into prostitution (I know plenty of escorts have other motives, but debt was hers).  The trust in our relationship is shattered and after all that has happened I can't help but feel paranoid in our relationship.  She now bitterly regrets going behind my back and would do anything for a time machine.

Put simply, this was the worst - the very worst thing - that anyone has ever done to me.  And at this point I can't imagine anything worse ever happening to me again.  Yet it was done to me by someone who genuinely loved me at the time, who didn't want to hurt me, and who had no idea that (a) I would find out; and (b) it would mess me up so much if I did.  She felt the end justified the means, she felt she wasn't cheating and reassured by her escort friends who were also doing it behind their boyfriends' backs.  She normalised the job, the lies and the cheating.

I know many of you in relationships where you're lying to your partners ease your consciences by telling yourselves it's only a business transaction and that it doesn't mean anything, and I believe you when you say as much, but from a boyfriend's perspective that makes it all the more painful when you know the person you love has hurt you so badly just so that they could make a few thousand quid.  I know it's a girly thing to say, but I felt really cheapened and was saddened that the lure of the money was enough for her to risk our (otherwise bloody wonderful) relationship.

Reading this you might think I was mentally unstable to begin with, or some sort of emotional weakling.  But I wasn't at all.  I'm pretty much the standard normal, stable bloke, well brought up and from a nice family.  But honestly, if I had the choice between being having 10 million pounds or enduring what I've endured over the last year, hand on heart I'd sacrifice the money each and every time without blinking. 

Apologies for the intrusion ladies but I thought it would be useful for Sammy to have some idea of what she might be letting him in for as her description of him sounded a little like me.

Reading this you might think I was mentally unstable to begin with, or some sort of emotional weakling.  But I wasn't at all.  I'm pretty much the standard normal, stable bloke, well brought up and from a nice family.

To be honest, I believe an upbringing within a patriarchal, heteronormative society that has strict guidelines for suitable masculine and feminine thoughts and behaviours actually doesn't provide most of us with the ability to deal with difficult and complicated relationships, but anyway.

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice (um, perhaps move on into a new, healthier relationship or try being single for a while?) but this outpouring of your heart on an online forum might indicate that you still have work to do in your recovery from this particular situation. As Amy said, you should be able to find a more suitable space for this - you probably wouldn't want to start hanging about on punter forums, but considering how many devastated boyfriends have stopped by here over the years, there must be a DevastatedBoyfriends.com or something by now. A Google search gives approx. ten billion results.

As far as boyfriends and whatnot go in general: I changed my relationship into something far more "open", casual and relaxed so that I could keep working and be half-honest, if not fully so, with the man who I love but do not need to possess. I really recommend it actually - can't say I'm too obsessed with monogamy anymore since fucking most of London's husbands for money anyhow! But I think casual and/or open relationships aren't something to be rushed into - I'm good at thinking and therapizing myself through things, and I definitely took my time with that particular decision.

I know Paul shudn't have posted on here but it did make me think for a second or 2!

I've been escorting for 12 years now. My first was in a friends parlour in Barnsley. On a  night out I met this guy whom I thought was ok & started seeing him for a few weeks. I told him I was a beautician (which I am) & that sometimes I can't just answer my fone I may be in the middle of waxing or something!! Anyway one day at the parlour I was talking to my friend about my new boyfriend, occupation, looks etc. When I knew something was amiss, you know you just get those feelings don't you!? Well it turned out he was a reg visitor to that parlour & saw a girl on a reg basis. Thought well I can't confront him can I? Just made sure I didn't work on Sundays!!! Anyhow he was short of money so I loaned him ?200 to buy his kids a present at Christmas, he spent a bit on them, sum on the other girl & rest in the pub!! Needless to say I finished with him & he still owes me some of the money.

Next one:- Working at another parlour in Sheffield & met a guy from Chesterfield who left his wife, paid her off & expected me to move in with him with my son & dog etc etc. Wanted me to stop working!!!

Next one:- Same parlour got close to a guy, who also left his wife for me, I did like him a lot. Hated me working & wanted me to stop. Anyhow I was supposed to be sterilised by kehole surgery but they couldn't do so ended up having to be cut open like a ceasarian so could'nt do anything for 6 weeks!! He moved in to look after me & never left. Begged me to stop working, so I did, (fool). He had a flat of his own that he used twice a month, ?400 rent, couldn't afford to pay me any housekeeping, so I was paying all the bills even sky for him to watch sports. So I snuck back to work under a diff name but he found out & went mad. I ended the relationship.

Next one:- Met a banker from London, lovely guy, did a lot for me actually, helped with money, bought me a car, jewellery, took me to Paris for Valentines, bought me things for the house, arranged for me to have my own flat instead of paying shift money to someone else, & I've never looked back. One day he said "what would you do if I turned up here with my stuff in a suitcase!?" Not for me I'm afraid. His wife found out then everything went downhill fast. Ended the relationship but stayed friends & call each other now & again & he has been up to see me & paid like everyone else.

Next one:- Met a guy from Barnsley very nice, had a long term partner. Well she sadly died & he wanted a relationship so went ahead, nice holidays, fancy restaurants, diff set of friends - MPs, Dtrs, solicitors, Masons. Anyway he said last spring that he wanted to get married, I thought about it but then kept putting it off. I worked from his apartment one day a week & earnt some really good money & he joined in sometimes & had lots of fun!!! Got diagnosesd with breast cancer last October & he slowly backed off & then decided to call it a day with me cos he couldn't cope with me working as I do & he couldn't cope with me having breast cancer & everything that's to follow associated with it.

My point is, you're probably bored by now anyway, is:- Look after yourself because no matter how much someone declares their everlasting love for you in my opinion & experiences, as you can see, it doesn't work. A few have yes I will agree but it's very few & far between. I think if I am ever ready to settle down it wouldn't be with a punter & my new partner would never know about this side of my life, we do have to keep them completely separate.  

I never asked these guys to leave their wives for me, that is not what I wanted. I will never get involved with a punter again!!!! Please feel free to line up for the kick up the bum I'll need if I ever do again!!! LOL.

Wow I feel enlightened for some reason. I didn't realise this would be as long as it is & I do apologise for boring the pants of everyone but at least it could send you to sleep!! LOL.

Look after No1 & be happy.

Luv Kate xx

P.S. I hope I don't sound like a homewrecker or a heartless bitch cos' I'm not really, I just get suckered in to things before I realise what's happening until it's too late & I then feel sorry for them. I didn't like to be too upfront & straightforward with people but I've changed now.