So there I am during a two hour booking. The client is lying on his back with a blindfold on, and I have my finger up his bum. Suddenly a LOUD smoke alarm goes off - I look around and the kitchen roll that was sitting on the side has been set on fire by the candles that were scattered across the cupboard. I panic and jump up to smother the fire with a towel, while he suddenly sits up (blindfold still on) going "what's going on". He then takes his blindfold off, runs across the hall naked and wrenches the smoke alarm from the wall - except it is still going off, so he runs to get a dressing gown in case the neighbours come and investigate. While this is all going on there are some loud hooting noises coming from outside so I am thinking "oh my god it's called the fire brigade". When the smoke alarm turns off the hooting noises are still going on, so I am panicking slightly except after I calm down it turns out that this is just noises made from construction work on the local railway line.

As you can imagine - this all kind of killed the mood somewhat...

 

Ah Benny! I have a quite hilarious image in my head right now of a very scared naked bloke in a blindfold sitting up in shock, and you hopping up and down in a panic next to him. Thank you for making me giggle most heartily! xx

I once had a client who had tricked out the room with candles.  It was nice enough to start, but then he proceeded to talk up a storm. About himself.  About the meaning of life.  About the tragedy of the human condition.  At this point I was beginning to wish I had a penis, so that I could shove it down his throat and shut him up.  When he started weeping about the morality of hiring an escort, I was, as they say, saved by the bell.  So candles really can be useful!

Oh Benny, that really made me laugh - thank you!

Couldn't help imagining a comical popping sound as you removed your finger ... lol ... the guy running around the room naked with the smokealarm in his outstreched arms - just think you could have had a couple of hunky firemen joining in the fun...