I am absolutely fuming! Back when me and my fiance (Alex) first got together he told his parents what I do for a living and they claimed to be fine with it. They both asked him if he was sure he wouldn't get jealous, checked about health and safety, all the smart stuff to ask about.

Before all that, his dad asked "you're not paying for it, are you?" which possibly should have clued me in to how his shallow mind works.

Basically, it's starting to look now like he only saw our relationship as his son doing the manly thing and exploiting a prossie for freebies. And that was fine, that was good. I went to stay at their house and he was very friendly, asking for funny stories about my job and chatting to me about running a business. Seemed like a nice, supportive guy.

Until we stopped 'just shagging' and Alex went home wearing a men's engagement ring and inviting them to meet my parents next weekend.

At first they said congratulations and acted like normal. But Alex's dad had a few drinks last night and basically let his mouth run away with him. He said that Alex shouldn't be getting married, we'll only get divorced and that will ruin his view of women for life. He kept saying Alex would get jealous (seeing as he's been in the flat while I was working a few times, I think that jealousy might have come out by now!). Then he said that he and his wife don't want me in the house ever again.

Today Alex asked him about it while he was sober, and he said some of that was just the booze talking. I call bullshit, I've known enough people be their most honest while drunk. But either way, he still says that they aren't happy about this and don't think I'm a good choice, but will try their best to accept me because I'm with Alex.

His mum wasn't around so neither of us know if this is a shared opinion or if Alex's dad is just assuming his wife agrees with him.

I really don't know how to deal with this. If it was a member of my family being such a judgemental twat I would cut them off in a second. I've done it twice before and I view family as strictly optional - the ones I choose to keep as family are the ones that I love and respect. But Alex loves his family. They've never had any problems before, he's never lived away from home (he's moving in today, so at least he has some space if things start to go badly wrong). He's devastated and he says he'll stick by me but obviously I'm worried that he'll panic and go back to his family if they force him to take sides. And even if he does manage to stay with me, if they cut him off or barely see him, will he end up resenting me?

I really hate this. I'm proud of my work and me and Alex are so happy together. I hate feeling like I ought to be ashamed of what I do, like I'm not good enough for him. The stupid thing is that Alex is hardly the 'type' my parents would have chosen for me. He doesn't earn much money and he's got long hair and piercings, everything my mum usually hates. But they've accepted him without question because they can see he is a good person and makes me happy. Why can't all parents be nice people? Argh!

What Cindy said.

Also, you're engaged which is wonderful, but it obviously doesn't mean you have to get married tomorrow morning. I know it's agonising but you're in a good position at the moment to allow your fiance all the time he needs to figure things out with his parents and to make his decisions etc without you having to try to fix things for him. I hate the idea of him resenting you down the line - why should you have to deal with the repercussions of HIS decision? I mean, you've been open and honest from the start which is beyond admirable considering how much lying and cheating and all sorts goes on in many relationships, so he's got all he needs to make a decision for himself. I know he's obviously under horrible pressure from his parents now but you're not demanding he never see them again or anything (it's only them saying that about you!) so if I were you, I'd make it so I never had to speak to his dad ever again and just stay well out of it. This is not the time to stand up for liberal values when your poor fiance is caught in the middle. And as he is, after all, a grown man with his own life choices to make and clearly capable of making good ones else you wouldn't be with him in the first place, it's best to keep a careful eye on your own sanity by avoiding as much of this nonsense from his dad as possible.

Oh Krystal


This is such good news, well done you on getting engaged.

I must say this father sounds like a right twat, esp as he doesn't realise how lucky his son is to find a smart, funny, independent woman who isn't just out there to 'entrap' a man and then sponge on him for the rest of his life. If I was a mother, I'd much rather my son married a working girl than one who intended to never do a day's work and palm off the kids on nannies!

My sort-of boyfriends' are equally judgemental, and all they know is that I do modelling. Guess there are some right deliberately difficult people out there.

If they offer him an ultimatum, they obviously don't care for Alex's happiness and are actually more concerned about their appearances. You tell his father to keep his mouth shut, if he's so worried about any shame.

Do you think the father is a punter? The most hypocritical people are always those who shout loudest and make the greatest fuss. I'm not one to advocate blackmail, but you could mention that one of your friends saw a man that fitted his description...... that'd keep him quiet hehe

Make sure Alex defends you to his parents, and emphasises how supportive you are of him, don't let him let them dictate to him who he can and can't date. I'd understand a father's intereference if it was his daughter and he was dating a totally unsuitable guy. But Alex is a guy and he should be let to be his own man.


Tons of luck

xxxxx

Congrats hun!

It sounds as if you guys are getting sorted and you are obviously sensible enough try not to get between your finance's parents and him.

Have a great engagement party.

XX