SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: martine21 on 14 July 2014, 03:55:17 pm
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Just a little rant here!
Few of my supposed 'friends' know what I do and have money and don't they just take the friggin p**s!
They little expect me to pay for everything to the point I blew up last night about it! Whether it's pizzas, nights out! Drives me nuts!
Has anyone else found this? Obvs they're not true friends I know but I'm so friggin mad today!!
Rant over!
x
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I don't tell my friends about what I do as I think some of them would try to take advantage.
Personally I wouldn't enjoy being an ATM for my friends unless they were short on rent/had no food but if they expected me to pay for nights out and takeaways for them I would just block them and ignore any requests to meet up. Obviously with my best friend I will buy her coffee when we meet up but she wouldn't let me pay for anything if it costs over ?5/?10.
When you go out with them can't you put down the cost of your meal/drinks down in cash on the table which should make it clear to them you aren't paying for their meals/drinks?
You could always say you left your debit card at home and also point out how hard you work for your money as they probably don't understand how hard and tiring it can be.
Xx
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Martine, it is par for the course.
STOP paying for them. Your "fair weather" friends which is what they are will dwindle away when they do you will find your true friends.
Good luck. I hope you manage to find your true friends soon and can relax more.
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All of my friends are aware of what I do, and none of them turned parasitic. One of them was fairly apprehensive about accepting a large birthday present, as a matter of fact. One started borrowing money from me (perpetually unemployed type, possibly bad with finances, hard to tell), but there are no expectations nor any pressure involved, and he used to buy me stuff when I was worse off than him. Most of my social circle is happy to share resources, rather than keeping stuff to themselves or trying to mooch.
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I can totally relate to that, a friend of 25 years asked to borrow ?500 and I never saw or heard from her again! I am chasing her though,
Never again will I lend money to anyone x
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Next time you go out to eat with them, at the end put down enough money to cover yours say "Thats for mine, I need to go" and get straight up and leave.
Or if out for drinks make a thing about everyone having a turn at buying a round, then if none of them will buy just go and buy one for yourself.
If they don't get the hint from those then I would seriously think about dropping them.
Ah just noticed you said you blew up at them.
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I can totally relate to that, a friend of 25 years asked to borrow ?500 and I never saw or heard from her again! I am chasing her though,
Never again will I lend money to anyone x
They seem to think that our cash is disposable that we don't have to do much for our money, so they're entitled to it in some way! Very very angry. She's bang out of order Nia.
Admittedly me going mad last night was abit out of the blue for them but when I seem to paying for peoples good times every week IT WILL grate eventually.
I doubt they'd do half what we do for our cash!
Might as well rebrand myself 'MARTINES MONIES!'
Rather have no friends than fake friends :/
x
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I lent someone ?1600 with an agreement that he would be paying me back at ?150 a month, he was in a bad way with being off work sick and I trusted him. I've had 1 payment of ?60 over a year ago (and that was a year after I'd lent it to him)..so 2 years on and I'm ?1540 down because I trusted my friend to pay me back.
I enjoy being generous with my money WHEN I have it and enjoy treating friends and family to the odd meal out but then I know they don't expect me to be paying for everything and will often return the favours :) If your friends are taking advantage you could always explain to them that although you might earn much more per hour, you certainly don't work 8 hours a day so the money is relative and your income might be less than they expected. When some people hear that you are paid ?100-150 an hour, they neglect to understand that you might only be doing 1-2 a day. :)
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I can totally relate to that, a friend of 25 years asked to borrow ?500 and I never saw or heard from her again! I am chasing her though,
Never again will I lend money to anyone x
They seem to think that our cash is disposable that we don't have to do much for our money, so they're entitled to it in some way! Very very angry. She's bang out of order Nia.
Admittedly me going mad last night was abit out of the blue for them but when I seem to paying for peoples good times every week IT WILL grate eventually.
I doubt they'd do half what we do for our cash!
Might as well rebrand myself 'MARTINES MONIES!'
Rather have no friends than fake friends :/
x
Exactly! What I do to earn my money is hard work! I thought someone I'd been friends with for 25 years wouldn't take the piss, I've learnt my lesson now.
In your case as another poster said just put your money in and don't feel like you're being tight or mean, you need to allow for a day when maybe you're not earning mega money, I save like mad so flashing cash around is not a good idea x
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How rude! If I knew a friend earnt more than me I still wouldn't just expect them to pay for me... To me it's always just the norm for everyone to pay an equal amount regardless of salary!
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This is sometimes the problem with being kind and generous is people take advantage whether they mean to or not. My boyfriend used to be designated driver every week. It was just assumed he would be driving.
I have sometimes been guilty of taking people for granted (not nice I know) genuinely didn't think I was taking advantage until the person would say they've had enough. It's good you told then if they are true they will take what you said and change how they act. I know that's what I did.
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I had a friend of many years who knew what I did who I often gave clothes to, a bit of money and furniture who then helped herself to some of my jewellery. I had a client and she waited downstairs and that?s when she must?ve taken it. 2 days later I went to the jewellery draw and 2 rings and a bracelet were gone. I was so shocked as it was sentimental and she knew that and they were valuable. When i confronted her she said it must be a client. I had 3 clients in that time period and my jewellery draw is kept downstairs, clients don?t even pass it when they go to the bedroom. She took it as she thought she could then blame a client and get away with it. She then said at the end "I'm surprised you missed it the amount you earn". I work from home hardly tour so am not really high earning and so what if I was anyway!! Some of them are jealous I think.
In general paying for little treats is a kind gesture I think but it's a cheek when they ask for big loans and I wouldn?t.
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I know the feeling. When I told my friend, she good as told me I was going to pay for a deposit on a house!!!! Like how much money do these people think we earn? They seem to forget we have expenses to pay and tax and end up just above a normal wage. Anyways, I had a chat and made it clear everything is 50/50 and if she needs money she should ask her bf or become an escort herself. That always makes them go quiet :D
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As well as not realising that we don't work 8-12hrs 5/6 days a week, they don't seem to realise that we are self employed, so we don't get sick leave or whatever if we have to take some time off, or that it's up to us to sort out our pension plan if we want a good pension when we hit retirement age.
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Ick, yeah, I would drop your 'friends'. Real friends don't use people as ATMs :/
Honestly, I haven't run into this much, as most of my friends know that just because I'm an escort doesn't mean I'm rolling around in cash. However, I did have one friend (an ex-escort, actually) who was constantly asking me to throw him large amounts of money to cover unspecified things. I would continually tell him 'no' and that I was just barely covering bills (plus, he OWED me money) and his response was, "That's fine, I understand. Hey, throw me 20 when you get a chance, thanks."
Um.... no.
Honestly, people like this will always be trying to get money out of you no matter what you do for work. It's better to just not have them around. If they're gonna drop you because you aren't paying for THEIR bills, then good riddance to them, I say :/
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It can be awkward to have more money than your friends. And I think maybe we'll feel a bit guilty about that so try to make up for it. Then, there can be for some people an element of wanting people to like them. Even being a bit ashamed of their money, as if they don't deserve it because they feel like it's "dirty money."
On the other side, there's certainly plenty of people who think that it's dirty money, that we don't deserve it, and that we should be expected to share it with everyone.
But, yeah - being a prossie is open to anyone. I don't really have this problem with any of my friends but if anyone ever implied that I have so much that I ought to share, I'd probably tell them to go suck a bag of dicks. Then, they too can be all rich and glamorous. ::)
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It's definitely one way we find out who our friends really are ::) Be thankful they showed you their asses now, so you don't have to spend any more time (or money) on them. ;)
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I had two 'best friends' one knew about my job and the other one didnt. The one who did was completely fine with it and it never seemed to be a problem, i'd buy meals out and lots of drinks on a night out etc as I felt bad because she was a uni student, I also spent lots of money when I would go visit her at Uni and would end up footing a lot of the bills for nights out with her and uni pals, not that she ever directly asked I just felt I should as I was in a better position.. Anyway, one day our other best friend found out about me and completely cut me off (bothered me at first but now i couldnt give a f**). Obviously she followed suit and we havent spoken since. Since it all happening both have spent their time spreading the gossip round about me being a 'prossie' and how bad it is blah blah. Take my advice, never ever be generous with the money you earn doing this job. The only people that now benefit from my hard earned money is me and people like my mum, family etc who I can take out and buy nice gifts for at christmas and birthdays etc ... x
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Ah you're all right ladies.
I've followed through and made my feelings very clear to my 'best' friend. She's aware and has acknowledged she's been taking the mick, and from now on, I will pay for myself and only myself.
I hate being tight but this has been a lesson learned!
Tbf I'm looking forward to actually saving the money!
Thanks again girlies xx
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I had someone steal from me yes. Also a friend of mine at the start took advantage, but then realised how hard i worked for my money when she got into the job too & soon payed me back :).
Think of someone you know who is LOADED. Do you feel envious & in some strange way entitled to some money if they cared for you, it's a weird feeling & most realize we're certainly not entitled to anyones money but it doesn't stop that annoying feeling sometimes. They clearly think you are richer than you are. You work hard for that money, so do with it what you will :)
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I told a friend I might do some camming to help top up my earnings whilst business was a bit slow. He asked if there was a way he could watch for free! Cheeky shit.
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I kid you not, my friend who's also and escort expects me to pay for her when we meet. Not anything extravagant, but can't remember last time she paid for her shittyccino or wine when we meet up. I'm a complete softie and never rise the subject. She never has 'change', 'forgot' to pay money in blah blah. I'm getting so tired of her ;(
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I'm super secretive about what i do so i haven't had that problem with friends in the past but i did have it with an ex boyfriend. The lazy so and so refused to get off his arse and find a job thinking he could just sponge off me for the foreseeable. When confronted about it he would throw a paddy and say something along the lines of "Why should i work somewhere like a factory for a minimum wage when you are getting the amount you are getting for hardly nothing" the cheeky get. Suffice to say he's gone now. If i ever have any future friends try the same lark they will find themselves in the same pile, what a bloody cheek these people have.
Some people outside the industry really do have a clouded judgement if they think what we do is just easy money. Sure the money is good and can be earned relatively quickly but it's certainly not easy, that's for sure. Like mentioned above, the vacancy of being a prossie is open to just about anybody so if they want 'fast money' that badly then they could all too easily make their own AW add and graft for it themselves.
They should be ashamed of themselves tbh, there's no dignity in being "take take take" and people like that will find themselves without many true friends in the long run :)
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I have a problem in that I constantly offer, especially since most of my friends are broke students. So I get everything, take them out for cocktails and meals out and then realise how much I've spent without realising :/ they don't use me, they're constantly saying I don't have to etc, I just like treating them... only thing is it makes me as broke as they are :P