coffee for 500 pounds?

[Sahrbear]

A client who rubbed me up the wrong way (so to speak) by underpaying me says he wants to make it up to me by having a coffee together in a cafe and paying me 500 pounds just to sit and talk. ...

I trusted this guy and I think he's nice but he got carried away (as some do) and thought we had feelings for each other....

I have no intention of working with this guy again,

Do I accept the coffee in a public place and the 500? Or do I not?

 I suppose I feel kind of bad taking so much money and doing nothing for it. He told me that "it's a completely obligation free meeting" but I figure he expects he'll be able to convince me to start seeing him again....

:/

LH

[Lady_Lust_XXX]

..... If he shows and isn't trying to waste your time further.

[xw5]

If you're clear with him that there are going to be no further bedtimes regardless of this, it's somewhat easier, morally, to take the money.

I'd want it in advance and to be able to pick the venue at short notice, to minimise the chance of there being someone there recording it all.

[Escort38]

I would be extremely wary of this suggestion. If he has underpaid in the first place then he is not to be trusted
unless it was a genuine mistake. If he wants to recompense you then why doesn't he just book a shorter appointment
but pay upfront with the extra sum he owes you. You say you do not want to have him visit you again , ok so why not
meet him as he wants and let him think there will be more meetings.  You can always not answer his calls or always be
fully booked up!

Meeting in public is a strange idea unless you are used to doing this and are completely comfortable with it.
I would not do it and would just write off the loss.
Having said that I hope if you go ahead then it is all bona fide and you get what is promised.

[bananamuffin]

I would:
say yes
ask him to forward the full amount to my bank account - and not start even talking about any arrangements to meet for coffee until you see the colour of his money in your account
withdraw the ?500
see him, in a very public coffee shop
not stay for any more than an hour
leave after one hour.

Then never let him get in touch again.

[casey_kisses]

Personally I don't think it is a good idea to give out your account details, but taking a deposit is a good idea.

Xx

[Dani]

I would not meet him and take his money.

You say he has feelings for you so this would just be taking the piss and be rather cruel.

Why not just say I am sorry I do not think meeting is the best idea after everything that has happened but I would appreciate it if you can send me the money you owe me. 

He may or he may not. Regardless meeting him and taking his money is just leading him on.  You know he has feelings for you so why would you want to hurt him in this fashion.

Even if he says it is an obligation free meeting you know he is hoping you will have a change of heart and declare undying love for him.
I must say I am quite shocked so many said to turn up and take the money.  Its a rather cruel thing to do considering the circumstances.
It would be a bit different if he had just been a dick and messed you around but you know this guy has feelings for you so it makes it a whole different ball game and one that could also backfire on you in a bad way if you turn up. 
He will see you turning up as you being interested and you could end up with a rather nasty stalker on your hands or he may feel that you took his money so you now owe him (mens minds when they are in lurve can stray from the norm) and he may feel it is fine to make your life hell as he has paid for the time anyway.
He is obviously a few shillings short anyway to offer ?500 for a coffee so you already know he is not of sound mind and you have no idea what he might be planning.

[xw5]

I must say I am quite shocked so many said to turn up and take the money.  Its a rather cruel thing to do considering the circumstances.

I did say it would be "somewhat easier" to take the money if she was clear about what the situation is, but at some point he's going to have to learn that paying an escort to have sex with you does not lead to mutual lurve.

Some men throw away tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds on their crush, so this could be a relatively cheap lesson for him. Refusing the money may well work too, of course, or it may not.

[ana30]

The nice girl in me would cut all ties loose with this guy and not take his money, the bad girl in me would meet him, listen his ssob story (30 min MAX), take the money and AFTER cut all ties loose with this guy. Have him learn the lesson: "I'm in this for the money, babe". End off.

The only problem is if he get's vindictive with part b. Then the 500 would be so not worth it.

London honey you really need a workshop on boundaries baaaaaadly!

[Sahrbear]

Hmmm...thanks for the advice. Yeah it's a tough situation. I told him I would meet monday so he has the weekend to think about it (and come to his senses). I just know that if I say no he will be more upset and "want closure" as he put it. I don't see him as the stalker type to be honest. I dont want to meet him at all so if I'm going to go there for him then at least I will be compensated.

 I also feel badly to take his money but I should explain I saw him many times and undercharged him because he was a regular and we didn't have actual sex (but i charged way way lower than my hourly rate cause he asked me to...mistake number one) but even after me doing this, he still wanted more (not nesc. a cheaper session, but more from me i.e emails after the session, never giving me notice for meetings, always asking at the end of the session "so how much do i owe you?" which made me feel really awkward etc etc) so I think, well I've given him a lot more than he's given me really so why not?

I think I have to treat this more like a business and not worry about hurting feelings of clients old and new. I'm too soft with them and let clients get away with so much sometimes (and have been ripped off a few times as a result). It's something I suppose I'll learn as time goes on. But yeah, I'm here to make money not to worry about the feelings of a wealthy married man who has convinced himself the escort he's seeing is not in it for the money but rather because she has genuine feelings for him.

Thanks ladies!

xx
LH

[Sahrbear]

tell me about it! I find it so hard to be tough with clients. I really enjoy my job but it means sometimes this stuff happens. I'm learning though and getting better at it....

[EmilyJones]

I also feel badly to take his money but I should explain I saw him many times and undercharged him because he was a regular and we didn't have actual sex (but i charged way way lower than my hourly rate cause he asked me to...mistake number one) but even after me doing this, he still wanted more (not nesc. a cheaper session, but more from me i.e emails after the session, never giving me notice for meetings, always asking at the end of the session "so how much do i owe you?" which made me feel really awkward etc etc) so I think, well I've given him a lot more than he's given me really so why not?

The bright side of this situation is that this guy has been an absolute poster-child for what to AVOID AT ALL COSTS from any client. If you wrote out a big, bullet-pointed list of his behaviours, as outlined by yourself above, and pinned it up on your wall somewhere, you could check it regularly and make sure to NEVER EVER see anyone who does ANY of those things, and then you'd be safe from 90% of the unpleasant types straight away!

It's a tough lesson to learn in life - that there are people out there who will treat you like an idiot, and will take everything they can from you without even a split-second's doubt or empathy about what they're doing - when you're a decent human being yourself, but it's important to learn quickly. These mini-psychopaths, as I think of them, are sadly common and are usually really good at toying with emotions (i.e. this guy, trying to make you feel like you owe him something because of his "feelings" for you, when I would actually bet ?10,000 right now that he's never had a genuine feeling in his life apart from self-pity because he can't get enough attention from ladies without playing these sorts of absurd games with prostitutes) so please don't feel like you need to feel sorry for him even one second longer. He's having a right jolly old game with you.

There is no limit to the effort he will put into his boundary-pushing with you so I wouldn't ever see him again. Cut off contact. There is no easy ?500 for you in this - you cannot cut him off if he feels like you owe him, so if you take his ?500 then you are basically entering into an 'agreement' that he can harass you for even longer. He will be delighted to know that he can make you perform according to his wishes so easily.

Cutting people off is easy and you need to learn it VERY EARLY ON in the process of becoming a happy, sane, successful prossie, because the alternative is becoming a victim to every pathetic saddo like this guy (and the hundreds of others) who get off on using people.

I think I have to treat this more like a business and not worry about hurting feelings of clients old and new.

Please do. I'm not sure how old you are but these guys, from what you've mentioned, are older than you and they are therefore a LOT wiser and craftier than you think they are. Every escort who's been working a year will have 100 tales of boundary-pushing guys and they always start, "I didn't realise at first that he was that kind of guy..." because these kinds of guys get really good at disguising themselves as normal/sensitive/whatever. But they're just manipulative creeps. Eventually you learn to recognise the signs very quickly and you learn to set the Smart Prossie Rules (full fee, in proper, checked British bank notes, up front and counted right there and then before any services or even a shower are offered, etc).

I'm saying this as someone who's had her own fair share of surprising/horrifying incidents of, "Why would anyone put so much effort into trying to push me into doing things I don't want to do when they could just go elsewhere and get what they're looking for?!?!" so please don't think I'm talking down at all. It's very confusing to us straight-forward, generally-pleasant kinds of folk. But trust me - there are too many boundary-pushers out there with nasty, selfish attitudes and they are ALWAYS really good at hiding it. You do always think it's your fault the first few times, but it actually isn't at all. You just have to learn quickly to be on your guard with EVERYONE you meet, especially the men who contact you via your escort ads because they (the bad ones) think of prossies as very easy targets. Try not to prove them right. ((hugs)) Learn from this experience, though, and you'll be sorted from now on.

[Jan10]

That's another thing you need to get out of thinking 'I don't see him as the stalking type' What exactly is a stalker type to you? a stalker can be a woman a man, a teenager, a policeman, etc. Nobody is immune from turning into a pest if the situation doesn't go their way. No one should be trusted in this job because they can turn.

He's a boundary pusher did he look like one when you first met? He wanted to pay less fees to see you just because he wasn't having sex with you, did you say on your profile different fees would be charged if sex didn't take place? He chose you if he wanted to see an escort and didn't want sex he should have done that not choose you then expect you to lower your fees to suit what he wants.

He's a thief did he look like a thief when you first met? but as soon as he underpaid you he became a thief. Would he go to a store and deliberately pay less?? No because he knows it is wrong. Seems to me he is dishonest and cannot be trusted. I would not go and meet him he will probably have some trick up his sleeve because a man who wants his fee lowering and underpays and then suddenly wants to pay ?500 for a coffee is up to no good in my eyes.

Leave well alone and quit while you are ahead before he unleashes something even more nasty for you. I don't think he is nice, he knows he has you fooled by his act and isn't prepared to give you up that easily.

[SuperSass]

I'm +1ing everything Jan10 and Emily said, emotionally manipulative guys prey on young newbies because they know you're naive fresh meat. They'll twist everything to make you feel guilty and try to make you feel like you owe them something because they have 'feelings' for you.

You don't owe him anything.

You don't even owe him an explanation if you don't feel like it. Just say I no longer want to see you - and ignore any messages you get from him.

Just to be warned though, he'll probably send you pleading/self pitying/ my life's not worth living without you type messages - ignore them. Do not let him blackmail you into feeling sorry for him, he'll soon move on to someone else.

And don't feel like a bad person, it's him not you - being aware of these creeps and knowing how to deal with them will mean that you've so much more patience and tolerence for everyone else. Don't let them sap the good out of you.

Sorry, rant 

Just take control of the situation now that you know what it is - and you'll never look back (and probably be skipping for a few days you'll feel so light and free).

Good luck xx

[PoshTotty]

Just adding my agreement of what Emily, Jan and SS have said. Well said ladies